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It has been f**king tiring for the past few days........

Its not just about feeling tired, it was fustrating, irritating and boring.....sigh what have I done to deserve all this?

I was attending my company orientation on mon and tue. so damn boring...you know it, the standard company info.....blah blah blah......made me so sleepy. The orientation ended about 4 plus and I still went back to office to clear a bit of stuff as I know there must be LOTS to do. By then i was so tired already. The emails were never-ending and I couldn't look through all. As usual, my boss expects me to reply this, do that, do this. Someone from another dept came over to print colour copies and i helped her with it. And my boss had to nag at me not to help them but focus on our own work first. For your info, my dept has the only colour copier in the whole company so pple from other depts have to come over to print if they need colour copies. I mean, if you don't help them, they will never get their stuff. of cos if I was busy at that moment, i will tell them to hold on for a while or come back later. but we still have to help them print anyway....sigh....why pick on such minor matters like this. well, that's my boss......

I had band practice on mon so after work, i headed to school. Jo couldn't come for practice so I covered the important parts for el camino real. really stressful to play those parts.....and then it was westside story. my conductor commented my section sounded like a nightmare in "maria". well i know this.....we were tired by then already and our lips just can't go on anymore. when my conductor finished the piece, i started talking to ms about wat to do with "maria", that maybe only jo and i play that section. as i was so engrossed in talking to her, i didn't notice my conductor wanted to talk to the band and told me to shut up and not to behave like a little girl. i was so offended by that, thinking it was unnecssary of him to make that comment. however i knew i was wrong so i still went ahead to apologize. angry...so tired already......finished discussing the problem to ms and i quickly packed up my stuff and went home. what a sucky day at work and practice. :(

The next morning, dragged myself up again and went for day 2 of orientation. boring and draggy as usual. It ended early and i went back to office to see how things are. my colleagues told me that my boss went to them and told them to convey the message to me about not to help other dept pple to print stuff and to check and reply all my emails. that's the other wierd thing about my boss. if there is something she is not happy with, she doesn't speak to you directly. instead she will go through one of us to nag and to tell the other person about it. Seriously, what the heck is this! i believe in personal communication. Having a talk between superior and subordinate to sort things out is the best way to deal with issues. my boss even told my coleagues to tell me that i must always check and reply all my emails by the end of the day. however, she always stays late and the emails that she sent late at night will obviously not be read and replied by us. arrhhgg.......and she also expects us to stay late in the office. Feeling that leaving the office at 6 plus is early.....my goodness, official knock off time is 545pm. Till today, i have never been able to leave on the dot and it has not been a month yet. I feel that I have tried my best to clear as much as possible for the day and some things can be left till the next day to finish up. We could not possibly be at the computer 24/7 to reply her emails....help me.....

Concert is nearing so tue is also a practice day now. After a super frustrating day at work, i still drag myself to practice. When jo arrived, i told him about "maria". And conductor suddenly appeared next to us, facing me and apologized to me for the previous night's incident for chiding me, saying he was being a bitch. I nearly had a heart attack when he said that but quickly recovered and said its ok, that I think we were all too tired and he lost his temper. Then he turned to speak to jo and i saw ed saw what happened. he gave me that look and i started to laugh.....and the flautists saw it too....with that disbelief look on their faces. I have never quite like my conductor and all these years in the band, i know he never quite like me and he never apologises to me whenever he told me off......so that few seconds i was in total shock....well, sometimes things will change. i should really buy 4D for that day or something....sure win! Practice was better than the previous night.....at least something comforting for the day.

Today work was terrible again....sigh..... nearly went crazy.....pple really like to push responsibilities to each other...what's new?

Having lived to an adult age, I still wonder about things that I can't answer myself and also learn something better along the way. I was chatting with razers today. And he told me something which I never really thought deep before and i was just clueless about it. My goodness...where have i been for the past 26 years???? I suddenly forgot about basic human needs.

Trust is something that is difficult to achieve. Because as human beings, our first instinct is to protect ourselves and make sure we are not hurt by anything or anyone or end up in a terrible situation. And because of this, we will definitely hesitate and hold back when it comes to putting your complete trust in a person. No matter how much we want to trust a person, there is certainly a small percentage of doubt simply because we do not want to be exposed to danger or something that would hurt us. *enlightenment* moment again.....it kind of answered some of my questions.....so what do you do in order to trust someone? I guess its all about your gut feel and whether that person has done anything to earn your trust. It really takes two hands to clap. Thanks razers!

So tired.....went running just now......i really just want to sleep and not wake up for work tomorrow......

16 days to Ay Caramba.....

16 Jan 2008 10.07pm