What is Love?

So what is love?

A friend asked me that question lately. She was having problems with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend couldn't spend much time with her due to his work commitments and even sms and calls to my gf is a challenge to him. She has a problem with that but the guy don't think there is a problem. I advised my girlfriend that if she loves him, she needs to sort this out and stand by his boyfriend. And she asked me back, "What is Love?"

I couldn't answer that question immediately and was dumbfounded for a moment. I have difficulties evaluating the meaning of love. Does liking someone necessarily lead to love? Recently, I got to know this guy. We met up a few times and although the time I knew him was short, I really like him. He said to me that he like me too but he doesn't seem to find out stuff about me or try to get to know me better. I wanted to know him better but found it hard to do so as he doesn't open up to me whenever I talk to him. I started to wonder if he has some secrets that he didn't want me to know or its his character that he does not open up easily to people. That day, I told him that I really like him and he matters a lot to me. He seemed pleased to know that but did not reveal how he felt about me exactly. I was a bit upset and then realised that maybe he is not that into me. A friend once told me never let a guy know that you are interested in him or else his ego will get bigger and feel pretty smug about it. I guess it was a mistake to tell him. He must be feeling damn good to know some girl likes him. There is no point in liking someone who is not keen in knowing you better and only wants to have fun with you. Maybe he was just patronizing me? Hmm......I know its wierd to like someone in such a short period of time but what attracts two person to each other is the chemistry. Maybe what we had was that instant chemistry and nothing more.....it really takes two hands to clap. Only time will tell whether things will take a different turn between us.

A major turn of events .....coming soon....

3 Aug 2008 3:50pm

Finding the light at the end of the tunnel

The past week has been tumultous. My boss has been really stupid and took over a responsibility to my dept when that tyrant (the new director that I mentioned earlier who called me a girl) sent an email directing my dept that we should take over this particular task. To show that our dept is being kind and is alright with taking over this responsibility that is rightfully theirs, she replied the email and said ok (my GM was copied into the email, thinking this will show that the tyrant is being irresponsible by pushing their job scope onto others). My colleagues and I know that she don't mind the new job because she is not the one doing it! Being the selfish person that she is, she will not lift a finger to help us. She did not even bother to stand up for us and march to the GM office to have a talk with him about the situatuion. She is useless!! I heard more horror stories about my boss this week from my other colleagues and these reasons were why my predecessor left. That new director tyrant has been going around instructing what the other depts should do and left left many of the other dept directors fuming as they feel that he has no right to dictate how they should manage their own dept. I should be confirmed this week regarding my employment contract but my boss gave the usual excuse that she is very busy and has no time to look into my confirmation.....she will regret this. I have been busy for the past few days in overseeing and liasing the production of a marketing collateral. After sitting though with my GM over the layout and he agreed to it, my boss wanted to change it. Sigh...really wasted my effort....

I have been staying home for the past few weekends....things are more expensive these days and so it is costly to go out. I have to think through whether this movie is worth watching before spending that 10 bucks on it (You guys know that GV has followed Cathay in increasing ticket price to $10 for weekends?) And even if I choose to watch on weekday nights, it might not be possible due to work, tiredness, go runnning or other things.....Eating out is also expensive, ktv is also expensive...sigh...don't know what is there left to do....Although my salary is reasonably ok, after deducting allowance to my parents and personal bills, I'm not left that much. I'm really feeling the pinch now. Have to be careful with what I spent and save more. But of course, I will spend on stuff that I think are necessary. With careful planning, I think we can still indulge in some little luxuries.... : )

I was looking through my friend, Gerry's friendster profile and he wrote some passages which I think speaks for every relationship out there. He wrote
"Woman's biggest mistake in a r/s is to give up communicating her needs and to start doing everything by herself end up wrongly assuming her partner does not care to help or participate in the r/s" Only way to solve this, is to accepting and understanding each other's differences with love, then we become more of who we truely are -to be loving and caring to each other.
Do you know how to sustain the passion in your relationship? When partners are able to keep their differences alive through loving and respecting each other and if a man and woman become too similar they lose the attraction or chemistry. It is boring to be with somone who is like yourself. To maintain passion in a r/s, we must work to preserve our differences while gradually accept the qualities of our partners by loving and respecting our differences then we gain balance. Secondly, do new things together! Try to come up with new ideas for each other to keep a r/s alive!
There was one day, baby asks me, "What is Love?"I said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn that you see and come back to me. But these is a catch: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."Baby went to the field and goes to the 1st row, where she saw one big corn, but she wonders to herself... maybe there is a bigger one ahead. Walking forward and true to her thoughts she saw a bigger one. However she did not pick it, but thought to herself again: "Maybe there will be an even bigger one waiting for her."Later, when she had walked through more than half of the corn field, she started to realize that the corn was not as big as the previous ones she saw, and she knows that she has missed the biggest one, and she regretted it!!!So, she ended up coming back to me with empty hands.I told her, " .. this is love.. you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realized it, you have already miss the person..." - In Love One must always cherish those that one already possesses. "


I think I am guilty of the first part. Maybe I didn't communicate enough in my previous relationship. I have learnt that communication is very important and I must make my feelings and thoughts known in the first place to the other partner and also, not assume anything from him. I also learnt that we should be who we are and learn to accept the differences that two persons will have. We have to accept the character of that person and the differences that both parties have and work towards maintaining a loving and meaningful relationship. I guess its true that two persons who are similar might lose the chemistry in the relationship. Like they say, opposites attract. I forgot the part about doing new things together! That is so helpful in maintaning a relationship. Always treasure what you have.....Thanks Gerry!

With all these recent happenings, I am more determined to achieve the things that I want. I want to be happy.


Searching for the light at the end of the tunnel.....

29 March 2008 6.52pm

Ever so Restless.....

I met zz and kev on wed for dinner and also to discuss some stuff. We were at Macdonalds. While I was rummaging through my bag, I accidentally knocked over my coffee and it spilt into my bag! Got coffee all over my white sweater. Now the inside of my bag smells like coffee....haha.....arrgh..

I feel so restless these days. Work was boring as usual. I even skipped practice on friday and met yh, zz and kev for dinner instead. Just totally no mood to practice or do anything...

On the train back with yh, I learnt that yh usually keeps all her troubles and problems inside her and would not or seldom share with anyone. Hey girl, its not good to keep everything to yourself. Try to open up and you will feel better. Remember that you have friends and love ones who are here to listen, including myself. You were there for me. It might be awkward for you but you will never know if you don't even try. :)

Watched 10000B.C with gy yesterday. Its average with some rather funny parts. Still an entertaning movie to watch. Its been a long time since I last saw gy. We went shopping around after the movie and he bought a few things. He quite willing to splurge on himself. After dinner, we went for coffee to catch up on each other. I learnt something while he was relating his experience with his ex. Assurance is a responsibility that both party have to carry to ensure that things will work out in a relationship. This will also enable good communication between the couple. That is what was missing in my previous relationship. But I also guess the responsibilty to assure one another needs to be part of a person's character to do it and can be built up over time. If the person don't feel the sense of such responsibility, doesn't it mean he or she will cause the relationship to fail and who wants a failing relationship? Will the person realise it? At least I did my part.

Finally finished watching the first season of Heroes. There was a scene where Peter said to Simone at the rooftop about death as her dying grandpa was talking to Peter's mum. I find it rather meaningful.

"Death is the one thing that connects us all,

reminds us that what's really important is who we've touched,

and you know, how much we've given.

It makes us realize that we have to be good to one another."

-Peter Petrelli, chapter 24 How to Stop an

Exploding Man, Heroes Season 1

Life is short, play hard and love hard. I have been feeling empty lately and having wierd dreams. I'm hoping for something good to happen to me. I'm just waiting for everything to turn around for me, waiting for that opportunity. I will work hard for my career, improve myself spiritually and mentally and perhaps, meet that special one who is waiting for me somewhere.....

Enjoy this scene from the movie Great Expectations. I suddenly remember this movie and its one of my favourite scenes. Really romantic...:)

Not delving, not yearning....

9 March 2008 6.44pm

Aspects of Love

I came across an article on Saturday's Straits Times. It was a special report on love stories about 8 different couples (9 Feb 08 The Straits Times, Special Report, pS1, "Aspects of Love") There was a particular story that touched me. A handicapped man who lost his right leg plucked up the courage to ask a girl whom he likes to be his girlfriend. Although a handicapped, the guy is a very successful insurance agent who overcame a lot of his disability by knowing how to swim and even travels a lot. The girl said yes but within a year into the relationship, the guy broke off with her, saying their personalities are different and the girlfriend nags too much. But in fact, the guy was not confident of himself and felt he is not good enough for her and worried how people would see the two of them together. The girl was sad. A year later, the girl met an accident and it was just plain instinct that she decided to call him on her phone. The guy reacted immediately and helped her with everything in her insurance claims. Oh, by the way, the guy knew the girl 'cos he was her insurance agent. That's how they met. And then, he apologised to her and they got back together again. Till today, they are still very happy together and even got married. Despite all the obstacles and hardships, this couple managed to weather through everything and depend on each other for love and support. The girl has never mind his disability and the guy overcame his weakness and proved to be strong to her and to himself. I guess love conquers everything...even for the disbeliver...

There are just so many aspects of love. I just finished watching a chapter of Heroes. In this story, Mr Bennet chose to have his memory erased by the Haitian so that Claire can be saved. Realising her father's love for her, Claire hugged him for the last time.......so touching and so sad....but I don't know what happened after that. Stopped at the end of that chapter.....

Anyway I have put up a video clip from the movie Sweeny Todd, called Joanna. My favourite song from the movie. He loves her so much, he wants to steal her... Enjoy! : )

11 Feb 2008 11.40pm

Things happen when U least expect it

So tired.........

I am so tired of complaining about my boss. She did it again today. As usual, giving vague instructions, expecting us to understand what she wants and then blame us when things went wrong. She assumes a lot of things. I think all the other depts in my company hate my dept now because of her "assumptions".

But then again, I started to think whether there is anything wrong with me. I had an unexpected meeting today. I called it unexpected because I thought I would never meet this person. And after the meeting, I thought to myself what I have been doing for the past 2 years since I graduated. Am I expecting too much out of my life, my career and my relationship with my family and friends?

WorK. Well this is my 4th job now. Came into this job because I wanted more challenges and a higher pay. Think it was a peer pressure because my fellow school friends (esp those in the finance and accountany major) were being paid higher than me. Being a fresh marketing major graduate with so-so results do not get paid that well back then. But I managed to find a job. Pay sucks but at least I was not starving. Now I got a bettter paying job but the working relationship sucks. The communication process sucks. But then again, am I doing anything to improve the situation or am I running away? I am starting to think that maybe I have been running away from all the problems and not sucking it up and stick through it that made me unhappy. And then came the decision to change job. But then again, when do you come to a point and know that the job just doesn't suit you and whatever you do will not improve the situation? And the better choice would be to leave and seek greener pastures. Or am I actually afraid of challenges? Am I being picky at work due to tasks that I am not supposed to do or was taken granted for doing? I think there need to be a balance between real work and redundant work. Not sure if my current pasture is green and sweet. I think I should chew on it and see how it taste like......after a while........tolerence goes a long way I guess....

Relationship with Family and Friends: This one is tough man.......I know who my best buddies and close friends are because they were there for me when I was down (you people know who you are!!!:) ) They offered me wise advice and showed me the direction when I was lost. Relationship with my family is not that close. I may appear nonchalant about them but deep inside, i care about them. Love relationship....I guess I leave it for later......

Life: I think all the above sums up my life. Currently I'm feeling really lost now. I really don't know what to do. I am not sure if I like my job but I think maybe I can try to think less negatively and more positively and try to see if I can do anything to improve the situation. In any workplace there are bound to be problems. Sometimes when we try too hard, we won't get what we want. When we stop trying, things might improve on its own. So I think let nature runs it course. If its meant to be, its meant to be.......

Hopefully I will get to meet up with that unexpected person again. Things might change.......if not, so be it.

Band pracitce for the past two days were ok.....still trying to gel everything together. I need to work harder for el camino real and the other pieces....

9 days to Ay Caramba.......so tired.....band, work, band, work..........I think I'm going to be sick...: (

23 Jan 2008 9.56pm

Dwelling......

I was on the train this morning. There was an elderly man who sat opposite me. His hand was carrying a plastic bag of takeaways. He is quite old, full head of grey hair and looked bored and tired. He reminded me of my dad, who is looking tired these days due to work. He is very old already but still works to earn some income for the family and also to kill time. Seeing him like that does make me feel bad sometimes. Especially since he hurt his right foot.

A year ago, he fractured his right foot at work while climbing a slppery ladder to get his stuff. He fell. I even remembered the date. It was new year's eve eve 30 Dec 06. I even remembered I was at Vicocity that day with my friends to catch a movie. We finished dinner then headed to a cafe for drinks. While i was queueing at the counter, i saw a missed call from my dad. called him and he told me in a weak voice that he is heading to the hospital in an ambulance, saying he broke his leg. he told me not to worry and call back later. i was just shocked and too stunned for words and i just said ok, hung up and stood there not knowing what to do. i msg my brother and he rushed down to a&e. i was still feeling stunned, thinking maybe its was not that bad. my friends saw the worried look on my face as we sat at our table and assured me that it will be ok and whether i need to leave soon.

after stoning for a while, we left and i headed to the hospital. the doctor said the fracture is quite complicated and requires surgery and must be hospitalised. my bro and i arranged for him to be stayed in and got stressed up over which ward to stay and if we stay at the higher category, need to pay an expensive deposit first. in the end, he stayed at a cheaper class so that we have some time to decide whether to switch wards later. it was very late already. i was tired and also sad to see him in great pain.

a few days later, he went for the surgery and stayed there for about 2 weeks in total. throughout that 2 weeks, we took turns to visit him to keep him company and bring food and some entertainment for him. i was actually concerned about him at that time. i was never close to my dad but when the accident happened, i actually bothered to travel all the way from woodlands ( my workplace at that time) to outram after work just to keep him company for an hour and so till he is about to sleep and then go home. although he said it was not necessary to vist him since my mum visits him almost everyday but i wanted to. after he got discharged, he required a lot of assistance at home. every morning i will prepare a simple breakfast for him, helped him get washed, give him his breakfast and medicine, get ready for work and then leave home for office. and this routine continued for about a few months. as everyone was out at work, there is no one at home. sometime i will worry about him at the office. That was a stressful period for me. besides my dad, i had to handle work and band practices as a concert was coming then. tiring....sigh....well, that was a year ago. his foot is better now but walks with a limp and complains of aches and pains during rainy days. sometimes when he is feeling unwell or is experiencing pain in his foot again, i feel helpless as i don't know to help him. i hope things will get better in my family. i should really cherish my parents as they have taken care of me all these years.

i met up with yh, 3sa and kel yesterday in town. kel bought us esprit bags from his hk trip. so sweet of him! thank you kel!! i got mine in a dark orange colour. as usual, kel was late so yh, 3sa and i went to coffee club first and we chatted about work, relationships and stuff. 3sa said a relationship must have assurance or a sense of security from each other. a relationship where either party don't require any security or assurance is fake or if one party don't give any assurance, the relationship will not work out as this is an essential aspect. its like either party don't feel anything or treasure his or her partner at all if both don't require any form of assurance from each other. *enlightenment* how true.....i am the oldest among them but sometimes i am so impressed at how much these girlfriends of mine can teach me when it comes to relationship woes. Gals, i really don't know what to do without u all!

we left town and i headed to js's dessert shop at potong pasir. he started the business with a few of his friends a few months back. i waited for gm, jx and xh to try the desserts. its not bad. being the only dessert shop in the estate, i hope that his business will do well!

the whole group of us went to zq's concert at nafa and then we had steamboat for supper. i was pretty quiet during the train ride home, feeling quite tired. as js and i walked home, he mentioned that the past year has been difficult for him because he gave up his permanent job for the business. i also agreed with him. the past year was not that smooth for me but i must say there were plenty of sweet memories as well. and i said to js that i hope this year will be a better year for everyone. :) be determine in everything you do and things will go your way....

"We are, if anything, creatures of habit,

drawn to the safety and comfort of the familiar.

But what happens when the familiar becomes unsafe?

When the fear that we have been desperately trying

to avoid finds us where we live?"

Opening excerpts from the drama Heroes (season 1, episode 9 Homecoming)

Yes, the fear has found me. But i am fighting it and I will win. I will find familiarity again. and its happening soon.....

6 Jan 2008 10.43pm

Will I ever find the One?

I was hanging out with my friends yesterday and we started talking about relationships. my friend just ended her relationship with her bf. We were saying it has become very common that we get involved with someone who is already attached. I could relate to that because for the last few years, I always seem to meet guys whom I think makes a good bf but is already attached. Its kind of disheartening for me. why is it that i never seem to get the right guy? Its always someone who is bad, or is already attached. Am i destined to be alone? My friend said something to me which made sense. If the guy is 100% faithful to his gf, he would not have gone out with you in the first place. That comment feels correct to me. Anything can happen in a relationship. Everyone is looking for their life partner, someone whom they can spend the rest of their life with. So i think it is still possible for a person to look elsewhere even if he or she is already in a relationship. There is the one for everyone. i believe in that, just that i'm not sure how long i need to wait.

10 Sept 2006 10.13pm