Is it worth it?

My pc broke down last friday and I had no computer access until a few days ago. Now I have a spanking new system. :)

Work for the past week has not been smooth sailing.....I stayed in the office till 1 am plus on Friday with my colleagues to check through errors in a collateral that we were rushing out to print. I am always willing to help out in my team but my boss lately kept emphasizing to us to take charge of only the tasks that we are assigned and not have more than 1 person doing the same job. I was quite fed up that it suddenly seem to be my responsibility to handle the collateral when it was not my charge. But I did my part to check through and I must say I am not that detailed enough. Yup, I still have lots to learn and am trying my best to be as meticulous as possible. However, I have not finish my work for the upcoming events yet and I certainly do not want to incur anymore wrath from my boss. She has been very unhappy over the way things have turn out for the preparation of the upcoming event happening in two weeks. In the process of rushing out the amendments of the collateral, I pointed out that the area was not my charge and admitted I did not do a good job in checking through but the main master copy was not done by me. There were tears and anger (not just from me) but at the end of the night, I just hope my colleague did not take this incident too personally. This project has caused a lot of stress and frustration to a few of us and I just hope the event will happen successfully. Any misunderstanding or harsh exchange of words were not intended and definitely not intentional. Ever since I came here, my colleagues told me this is just a job. Don't ever let it affect you.

Last saturday was symphonia's concert, Crown's Imperial. It was not as good as before. I guess the intensive practices has taken a toil on everyone, including me. Been practicing almost every night in the last week leading to the concert. During the performance, I could not reach my high notes at all. sigh....I wonder what went wrong.....is it the conductor or the committee? It was a reasonable performance but could be so much better if we had more time. I hope things will pick up for the band. Sometimes I think its not because the band can't do it, but its the committee who must have the confidence and assertiveness to manage the band.

Caught The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I love the parts where Benjamin and Daisy will whisper good night to each other before they go to sleep during the times when they were not together. It warms your heart to know someone faraway (or maybe near) misses you and wishes you well. I do that sometimes....

Kev came back for a short holiday from Austria. Yesterday we met up for dinner at Clementi, just me, zz, kev and teow. Clementi Central is undergoing a major revamp. The bus interchange is gone and the buidling with McDonald's near the MRT station has been replaced by a new shopping mall. The place holds some special memories for me. The coffee shop next to the interchange where we used to have supper after sp band prac is no longer there. I miss the food and chats we had at that coffeeshop. We will always throng down in a big group. It was great to see kev again. The four of us had a fun chat and kev made me and zz laughed so hard that we were tearing. The laughter helped to relieve some stress that was building up in me. We kind of met up in the wrong place. Wanted to go ktv but the available timing was too late and I didn't want to take a cab back. So we just hanged around in Clementi chatting. Always enjoyed such gathering with them but it gets a bit quiet when they go back overseas.

There are some things that we will always yearn for. But if its meant to be yours, it will come to you. Of course there will be sadness and its part of the process of life. I just don't want to have any regrets and I might do what I might have to do.

15 Feb 2009 7:46pm

Try harder....

I have been catching the 3rd season of Heroes and the storyline so far is intriguing and thought-provoking. The latest episode showed how selfishness and greed could lead to destruction of a person and to the world. With the downturn of the financial sector and the world economy, I would say it could be caused by these two evils. We see these evils at work in our everyday lives.

Its been tiring and hective at work. I forgot to settle some tasks at the office on friday. Guess I am going to get it from ym manager tomorrow...sigh....two more events for tomorrow and tuesday. I really need a good rest.

sym performed at esplanade today. Its our first performance at the grandest arts venue in singapore and sadly, it didn't turn out as good as we wanted it to be. Due to a lack of time and preparation, we didn't play that well. I hope this serves as a wake up call to everyone, that the progress of this band relies on every single person's effort and commtment. I must say I did not put in my all for this performance and had tried hard with my busy work schedule but I wonder whether I have done enough? During the midst of this performance, a friend of mine told me his gf left him and he was devastated. It reminded me of my breakup last year and as a friend, I did what I could by relating what I learnt from the experience. Be strong my friend...only time can heal all wounds.

I dread tomorrow.....
12 Oct 2008 10:58pm

Memory Lane at Suntec

Time really flies......its been a year since last year's convocation and here I am again playing for the ceremony. I was at Suntec City since 9am this morning for our performance. The band has been busy with rehearsals for today's convocation for the past week. Although we were at our top form for the competition last month, there will be days when you are at your lows. The performances went well during the past few rehearsals, including last night. However, there were a few hiccups during the actual event but such things do happen. I must commend all my band members for the great work they have put in. It is people like you guys that made me love this band. Even though I am feeling tired, the band kept me going....in a way......apologies to the trombone section for the slight mess up in the solo which our conductor made me took over. :(

A lot of things went through my mind during convocation as the band waited for its turn to play. While the program was proceeding, I was feeling disappointed that our opening piece (El Camino Real) did not shine. There were other things that made me unhappy as well but I will not say it here. But the good thing was we spotted a few potential members among the freshmen. The whole afternoon was nolstagic to me.....bringing back memories of my convocation during my freshmen year. There was this guy who was one of the performers and he really looks like a friend of mine. I asked several of my friends about this guy and then realised its not my friend whom at first I thought he was.

(by the way, in my university, convocation is a ceremony that marks the beginning of an academic year and to welcome the batch of freshmen into the university and is not the graduation ceremony that most unis call it. Our graduation is called commencement instead.)

After the ceremony was over, the band packed up and eli, sy, ms and I went downstairs to the Tangs bazaar sale to have a look but we didn't get anything. None of the perfumes on sale was Kenzo Flower :(. We went back up to grab our stuff and I went back to school with them. I had dinner with ed and gang and then went home with sy. Sy was really tired so we decided to take the train at Marina Bay. But our resting feet were interrupted when the train had to terminate at Dolby Ghaut due to a fault and we had to stand throughout the entire journey as the next train was damn crowded. So much for our attempt to get a seat on our way home.....:(

Counting down to my last day at the hellhole. Looking forward to my new job but there is something that is still bothering me.....

Really tired.....

16 Aug 2008 10:28pm

Its what you do that defines you

The band organised a dinner and dance on tuesday at the penthouse to celebrate our victory at the competition. I was late and when I stepped into room, the recording of el camino real was being played. Kind of awkward as everyone was listening intently to it. I quickly sat down next to pao and was in time to listen to the slow movement. I thought to myself "this is good". After that, pao told us the incident of this group of people who was sitting behind him at vch when we were on stage to perform and they whispered "F**k" after we played our tuning chord. They were amazed that we sounded like an organ. Pao went on to say that the entire stage was vibrating with our beat during the John Williams March. He felt our impact. The evening went on with eating and talking, random photo-takings, video presentations. Then my conductor appeared with the wines. They played the two recordings again and I was proud that we sounded like that. It wasn't flawless but to have achieved what we had was a milestone in our 5 year history. yx said we should let vic and the others hear this. I agree. When the music started, I sat down with yx and pao instead of joining the others for dance. I feel ancient to join in the fun with them. Instead we chatted at the table.

I went on MC the next day. Somehow I must have ate something wrong that made me vomitted 3 times that day and I had body aches all over, especially my back. I couldn't eat anything at all until the evening where I took a light porridge.

So I went back to work on thurday and was told by my colleagues the previous day's happenings. Apparently my boss felt that I don't have much to do at work. I was really upset when I heard this so I wrote an email to my boss stating the entire list of tasks that are under my charge. And she replied back, giving an answer to every item that I listed to make it seem like every task that I am doing is trivial and easy. She obviously do not understand what is going on in my daily work. She doesn't see what I am doing for her at all. Oh well, I try to take things in my stride now. I won't stay in this hellhole for long.

There was a visit by a friend who have been away for a long time on Friday's rehearsal. I was so glad to see him. Ken told me he missed playing while he was recovering from a fever at the hospital. Welcome back!

Caught The Dark Knight with suz, YA and sw at Tampines Mall. The movie is good, especially Heath Ledger. It was just as depicted in the news. His performance as The Joker was excellent. Just as good as Jack Nicholson's or probably even better. But its sad that Heath is gone. We had dinner at Swensen after the movie. I ordered a Cheesy Steak Sandwich (If I remembered the name correctly) and the beef was not tender enough. A bit too chewy. The service wasn't efficient as the service staff did not bring us the basket of cutlery after we ordered. When the appetizer was served, we had no utensils and had to remind the waiter to bring it to us. But I guess they might be shorthanded that day.Did a bit of shopping with yh after suz and the others left for church. Tampines Central is like a mini Orchard Road during weekends. It was so crowded!

That night when Ken came for practice, he mentioned about learning another instrument so I suggested the oboe as he has a related skill in bassoon. Then I started thinking if I should learn something else or move on to a new activity. What would I be doing if I am not playing in band?

Its not what is beneath...its what you do that defines you....
20 July 2008 8:16pm

Gold!!!!!

That moment was surreal......

I have never been in a top band before.....although I have been in bands where we were awarded gold at competitions but not at the top of the division or category.....probably except for my poly band where we were the honour gold band at the sydney music festival back then.

We had a rehearsal last monday at victoria concert hall to hear how we sounded there as that was the competition venue. Jo came to hear us and sms ms the parts where we were not good from where he was seating. He commented that my solo was not projecting out and sounded a bit soft. That got me worried. Even my conductor said so. We had to be very clear in our articulations as it sounded muffled at the audience seats. It bothered me for the next few days.....I kept thinking about it...

At thursday's rehearsal, el camino real was getting there....the sound was there and John Williams March was perhaps the best that we ever played so far for that rehearsal. My conductor played the recording of the rehearsal at victoria concert hall on monday and we went through sections that he felt we should take note of. There were parts that we did very well and parts that are not quite there which we needed to work on it by sunday.I was stress out with my parts. I still couldn't get it out. My friends said it sounded timid...sigh.....during supper that night, I asked yx if he could helped me with my solo on sat but he said he wasn't free. I kind of guess the reason why he said no was that he felt I can do it on my own, just that I wasn't mentally strong enough to push myself or maybe he felt that he shouldn't need to bother too much with the competition on how others are playing. I kept thinking about those five bars till the last rehearsal on saturday. And then I got an unexpected sms from yx that he can do a quick run through with me before rehearsal. That meant so much to me and I really appreciated his gesture. So on saturday, I went down a bit early to practice and yx listened to my warm-ups and went through on how I should play, breathe deeper and feel my lips vibration. During full band practice, my sound was so much better. Thank you yx! We ended practice a bit late and by the time I went to bed, it was 1am plus. So tired.......

When I woke up the next morning, I saw sy's sms that she and mel will be sharing cab to school as they are getting mineral water for everyone. So I hopped along with them. We went through an extensive warm-up session and the whole time I just kept thinking about breathing deep and feeling my lips work. I tried to keep myself relaxed. By 1230pm, everyone got changed and tuned. Took the coach to vch and waited quite a while for our turn to tune up. While waiting, everyone had some fun by taking photos with each other. Aly was our photographer for the day. I tried to keep cool until when we lined up at backstage that I know that its either make it or break it. John Williams March was a bit unstable and stiff but the olympic fanfare section at the end sounded inspirational and I felt it. I thought we played El Camino Real really well although I was feeling nervous. My solo got went well until when I was going to pitch the high F that I felt it wasn't coming so I quickly pushed harder and reached the note. I felt I did a reasonable job compared to all the previous rehearsals. When we ended, the audience cheered really loud. The band rose and I looked up to where the judges were seating. They were smiling, nodding their heads and clapping and that sight gave me a hope. Gs shaked my hand after we got down from the stage. Ms gave me an assuring smile. I felt so relieved. We gathered downstairs and my conductor said the march was only ok but el camino real was a heartwarming one. There were positive comments from our friends. When I got on the bus, S spen came up and congratulated me, saying he was so afriad that I would screw up when he was listening to my solo. What a thing to say!

We kept our instruments in school and took more photos before heading back to vch. I was really tired as we took our seats in the hall to listen to the second half of the competition. Guess I didn't get enough rest for the past few weeks and not enough water for the day. I was damn sleepy and a bit dehydrated. It was only when a rather good band came on that I started to feel awake. Then the results came ".....with a score of 87.15, gold with honours" All of us were so happy when we heard the score. I was expecting another band to have a better score than us but as the emcee went on annoucing the scores of the other bands in the open division competition for that afternoon, we were still holding the highest score. I held hands with chyl and ms and couldn't believe the possibility of what was going to happen. The emcee paused for a moment before she announced the score of the last band and the anticipation was so high that I couldn't hold it anymore. All of us stood up and screamed and cheered and shouted and hugged each other when we heard the last band had a lower score. We are number 1. We won the open division. We were only expecting a gold and maybe a spot in the top 3 but never in the top spot. After all the hard work, we do deserve it although I wondered why some other bands did not get a higher score. I just couldn't believe it!

shed tears of joy......it has not sunk in yet....happy birthday mel!

14 July 2008

How am I perceived

Friday's rehearsal sucked for me. Not sure if that day's event affected my mood or that I didn't get to have dinner before practice and was playing on an empty stomach or that I have been too tired but I sounded bad for my solo. I'm worried for the competition. After practice, I went outside the hall and played in the open area to project out my sound. Sounded better compared to rehearsal. Tomorrow's rehearsal will be at Victoria Concert Hall. Only chance to achieve that sound and push hard. Sigh..... I was supposed to meet up my poly band gang that night but it was late after we left school and finished eating supper. The bus services had ended so I couldn't make my way to holland village. Went back with sy instead. I miss my poly band gang......the hangout sessions that we often had. I wonder how is everyone doing.

A friend of mine told me that I give her a negative vibe. She did not mean that I am a terrible friend or a bad person but my outlook on life and career seems to carry a negative feel. I was relating to her the difficulties I encountered at work and my opinion on my career. She could find a question to counteract everything single problem or reason that I brought up about my work issues and why I wanted a marketing career. I wanted to know whether it is wrong to seek a job that you are truly passionate about and want to give your full commitment. Its been two years since I came to the working world after graduating from university. I thought it is a normal process that you are still trying to figure out what you want to do in a lifelong career. Like what a manager previously told me, it has not been that long since I graduated. If I have decided on a career that I can see myself in for my entire working life, stick to it and you will find success. Another thing that my friend told me was that I must always speak from my heart whenever others question me on my career choice. Because people can easily sense your insincerity or uncertainty about yourself. They can tell whether you are speaking from your heart or just displaying good PR skills when talking to anyone. Sigh...am I really negative or insincere? I have never thought myself to be such a person and I have never wanted to be like this. This is not me but why do people think I am such?

So who am I?
6 July 2008 9:58pm

Hmmm.....

I just need him to listen, that's all....and not always insisting that he is right and he is not being defensive if he appeared to be. That is the problem with him. He thinks nothing is wrong with his attitude and it is affecting me and the section. He always uses the I-am-better-than-you tone whenever he points out a mistake to me. Sometimes, your teammate will realise the mistake and figure out how to recover from it without the others telling him or her. But he doesn't. He jumps at every opportunity whenever any of us make a mistake and doesn't wait and see if the situation got better. He thinks he is right and seems to do it to make himself seem superior than us. Although he is better at tempo and rhythmn, it doesn't mean he is a good player. I must admit he has improved a lot but he also need to accept other people's advice. If he doesn't, he might end up being overconfident and fall hard.

Exasperated.......

2 July 2008 12:45am

The heat is on..

I'm starting to feel the heat...
I need to get my act together in 3 weeks' time. My conductor said I know my notes well but I need to perform my solo rather than just play it. My friend said I sounded good and just need to have vibratio in the high notes of that 4-bar phrase. I wonder if I can get it in three weeks time. After practice ended, I was talking to ms and my conductor walked over, telling me to "sing" for my solo. stress.....: (

My colleague invited me to her friends' BBQ gathering yesterday. It was at a condominium so my colleague and I had a swim when we got there. (And we went for another dip after eating too full...haha).Her friends are all in their late thirties, married with children. They are all friendly people and I think its great they have such gatherings to catch up and even brought their kids along. Although my colleague kept me company, I somewhat felt a bit wierd as I am of a slightly different group from them. I am single, not married and definitely no kids. As some of their conversations revolved around their children, I could only listen. And they converse mostly in hokkien. I can't speak the dialect that fluent and only understand a fair bit of it but I managed to catch what they were saying. It was funny seeing how they joke with each other, especially when one of my colleague's friend got drunk. On the whole, it was an enjoyable evening.

I wonder what the new week will bring...I hope its good

22 June 2008 8:54pm

Unfruitful.....so far....

Sometimes I wonder if I should bother so much. We had sectional practice today. Being three weeks away from competition, our progress as a section is little. After Jos left, I spoke to my section mates on what I felt about our preparation for the competition. Individual tone is not good, some tend to rush or slow down the tempo, techniques are not strong. Most importantly, the humbleness and the "I-can-do-it" mentality is not present in my section mates. Some are ignorant of their own mistakes, some lack the confidence. As an alumni, I wonder why am I worrying so much for the band since I have already graduated long ago and these maters are not in my hands to control. Why do I seem to stress over the competition more than the current students in the band? Sigh....I'm praying hard things will turn better in the coming weeks or else we will fail. Should I even bother to practice hard for this since the others don't seem to care?

Situation at the office frustrates me these few days.... :(

20 June 2008 12:52am

Bad Friday Morning

Friday the 13th.......yes, the day didn't start off that well.
My boss has to attend a medical and dental appointment and instructed me to attend the meeting that morning. It went ok until my GM asked me about this particular material which he wanted to be out on 1 June and we were already late. The last I recalled was that the layout was already done except for two pictures that needed to be replaced and its ready to go once the other relevant dept confirms the information. I told my GM I will check and get back to him. When the meeting ended, my colleague told me the revised layout was circulated on Wed (I was on MC that day so I wasn't around). I called my other colleague where the material is sent to and learnt that it is still with them! No wonder my GM didn't see it! And that nasty director said nothing at all when my GM asked at the meeting as the material is circulated to him first for approval. Damn bad....
My boss came back in the afternoon and my GM had a short meeting with her. Apparently he is not happy that my dept did not give support for a promotion that was organised by that nasty director's dept. There wasn't very much marketing support that we can do simply because the promotion was confirmed very late...on Tuesday! Can you believe having a promotion on Friday and details with the external partner was only confirmed three days before? We managed to provide the internal collaterals (posters and stuff..) despite the rush. Anyway, my dept will now work as fast as we can to avoid such situations but this will only happen if they can confirm details early.

Band practice that night started with brass sectional on el camino real and then we had full band rehearsal. Yx took us and after the practice ended, he commented that we still don't know the piece and this is crucial for the competition. A bit demoralising...I stayed back to practice my part and yx sat beside me. Stress.... I told him how I tried the methods he taught me and hm during the preparation for the last competition and it was so difficult and tiring. We laughed it off as I realised I need intensive practice for my solo. He gave me a few pointers which I found it helpful. One month to go till competition.....

I met up with my sec sch girlfriends to celebrate shir's birthday. Had dinner at cineleisure and then bowling. It was a simple celebration. We started talking about birthday wishes and one of my girlfriends said she hopes to settle down with her boyfriend soon. She brought up the topic to her boyfriend but her boyfriend didn't seem to make any indication that he wants to marry her although he also wants to settle down. She feels it sounded bad this way that she is the one who brought up the "settle down" topic first. I agree with her 'cos it is not a good idea for the girl to make the first move when it comes to the marrying question. I started to think about myself. I mean will I ever get to settle down with my life partner? My previous relationship was a failure and I thought I found the one. And after all these months. I think I have become numb? Its like I don't know if I should keep on trying or just give up trying to be happy? Maybe happiness will come to me when I stop searching for it? I guess the process of finding love has wore me out. Should I stop trying and enjoy my singlehood first? My married colleagues advised me so.

We left the bowling alley quite late. Actually I didn't play as I was tired but I enjoyed watching my girls play.

Another birthday celebration...another year goes by.....

15 June 2008 7:34pm

Inspired?

Tim Reynish came to conduct us today or supposedly to conduct us. Instead it was josh who was conducting us and he stood beside him giving pointers and advice to the band on how we should play. At first I was wondering why he didn't want to conduct us and thought he was being snobbish but later I heard that this is his style. Yx said he is encouraging but I am wondering if he was patronizing? He kept saying we played well but I felt otherwise. Anyway, it was a different experience.......hope friday's practice will be better. After all he is a famous conductor. I was so nervous while playing el camino real, not sure if its due to the presence of a famous conductor or that yx was sitting behind me....stress " ' ,

Another sucky day at work and another photoshoot today....which went overtime.....arrghh...sometimes it is so frustrating to work in this place that I really give up trying...

Took the train home with ph. I was glad she came today and will be playing with us for the competition. Yeah....someone from my batch...haha...and der and hopefully yx......so nice if the four of us are playing together :)

I must not crack under pressure...

4 June 2008 12:24pm

Am I too involved?

Its been a pretty standard week. Work and rehearsals on tueday and friday. Went running on monday and wednesday. Had to work late on thurday and the week just went by like that....

I took the morning off on friday and came back slightly past noon time. The day before, my boss told me to help j with all her circulations when I come back. Which means the entire dept has to to stop work and help j to photocopy the publicity clippings and file the clippings into another file before circulating to all the depts. I couldn't do my work. Its her fault for not looking through the files earlier and caused the long delay. Yet she told us the circulation is long overdue and we must quickly send it out. She just doesn't realise her fault for not approving the files earlier (since Oct last year...the publicity files were ready on time every month for her to check and approve but she kept procrastinating and gave excuses that she is very busy). Oh well, that's the way she is, always in denial and never sees her own flaws.

I was late for practice as I got held up in the office (my boss called me back just as I stepped out of the office to program some things on the computer for a recording. She just forwarded an email to us, expecting us to remember the date and time to record the program but with the hundreds of emails she sends us, I feel that its only right that she help to remind us about it and not take it for granted that we will do it. There are too many things to do for her. sigh....No leadership and emphasis on teamwork from her).

Josh took full band practice today as my conductor went overseas. Tim Reynish, a well-known conductor, will be coming next week to conduct us for two rehearsals! So looking forward to it. So Josh went through John Williams march and told us to play as accurately as possible as Tim doesn't work on technical stuff. During practice, MS asked whether I recorded all original music scores that the band bought when I was managing the library during my exco. I did that and was surprised to learn that they have not been updating the file ever since I handed over the library. When it got to MS, it was already a mess. I was disappointed that the previous excos didn't manage the library properly. Sigh...my hard work went down the drain....Anway, I told MS if she needed help with the library, I will help her. Also reminded ed the importance of managing the library.

After practice, we went for tau huay and I thought we will be heading home after that. But the rest wanted to do something and we ended up at Cathay. I was contemplating whether to go home (actually, the last train already left..) as I was tired. Before I knew it, they already bought tickets for Indiana Jones. The movie is not bad but doesn't seem to have any meaning to it. The main theme sounded great and we wish we will sound like that for the competition....haha..... I was yawning the whole time during the movie but I managed to stay awake.

Yesterday was another movie day with yh, 3sa and yx. We watched Prince Caspian and I like it!The ending was sad as the fpur Pevensie children left Narnia, not knowing when they will return and for some of them, not returning at all. The part where Peter lead the Narnians to attack Miraz's castle showed us the importance of not being selfish. Being high king, he feels that it is his duty to protect the Narnians and he is the only one who should do it and he did it for himself only, without a thought for everyone. He got big-headed. In the end, they lost the fight and many of their fellow people's lives. Sometimes when we are in a favourable position, it gets into our head and we lose sight of what is really in front of us and what are the things that we should do. We should never do it just for ourselves but for everyone and for the team. Never look good just for yourself.

yh and I met ed after the movie to collect out number tags and time chip for next week's Passion Run. We bumped into kel and ron at Novena Square and catched up with them for a while. Been a long time since I saw kel. AI is still going on but member strength is falling. Lots of fun memories when I played with them last time but many of us have left. I only have time for symphonia now. A few of them like Kel are still holding up the band. We wanted to have dinner but only ate a bit. yh, ed and I talked about symphonia (think we bored yh.....sorry gal!). Think ed is getting stress over sym. Hope things will work for you and your exco. Its never easy to manage a band. Then I met B after that for a drink and we chatted till coffee bean closed. Its fun to talk to him. He is someone who enjoys first and deal with the consequences later. Can learn a few life lessons from this guy...haha..: )

Leave you a song "The Call" by Regina Spektor, very meaningful....(ost: The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian)

1 June 2008 8:54pm

Sounding better

Sectional practice on tuesday was not bad. Jos worked on techniques and foundations with us instead of taking us through the pieces. Learnt double tonguing and slurs and he gave us some exercises to keep and practice. After the session, I tried playing other things and for once after a long while, I sounded better than before and have hopes of reaching the peak that I had two years ago for the competition : )

My boss went missing for the whole afternoon today. She informed me that she was attending a meeting outside at 11am with my GM. My GM came back just after lunch but my boss was MIA and only came back at 4:30pm! No word from her as to where she was. She got anxious when she saw the long list of unread emails on her PC and quickly asked me to help her reply some requests and other tasks that she wanted me to do. There was actually a rather important email about an edm sent to her which my colleague and I wasn't copied in and it needed her approval before it could be sent out . Till knock-off time, I still hear nothing about that email from her until my colleague called and said it was quite urgent. If she was back earlier, this wouldn't have happened and we could have replied that urgent email and get the matter settled. I was so fed up with her that I just left office on time. I think its unfair if I have to stay back and clear up the backlog that she created just because she was skiving off work somewhere. She needs to be more responsible. All these could have been done in the afternoon if she forwarded me the email but she wasn't in! I just don't want to be bothered with all these nonsense from a boss who don't have any leadership skills at all! Instead of staying late, I went for a run just now. Cannot take it anymore! sigh...... tomorrow morning will be hell....

I just don't care....

22 May 2008 8:52pm

Uneventful Weekend

It was the start of a long weekend...but not before a crappy day at work again on friday....

My office engaged a professional photographer on Friday to shoot some interior shots for use in our branding campaign. Its a full-day shoot and I was supposed to meet the photographer at 9am to start the shoot. As expected, my boss called at 9am and asked me to attend the morning meeting on her behalf. : S I was irritated and told her I have to meet the photographer. And then she said my colleague, Ag can meet the photographer but she had to attend to another matter that morning as well and someone has to be at the office. If I attend the meeting, Ag goes to attend her matter and J stays in the office, who will meet the photographer? My boss said its ok that I attend the meeting since its only 15 mins and Ag will meet the photographer. J had to settle the matter for Ag so there was no one in the office. And my boss should not be late that morning, knowing there is a photoshoot that day and should have come on time but created inconvenience for everyone. When the photoshoot was going on, she didn't bother to be on site to approve the shots and my other colleague had to run up and down to get approval from her director as her sales & marketing department requested to have the professional shots. My S&M director asked why my boss is not working, seeing that she is not helping to approve the shots at all. I think she will give my boss a good scolding pretty soon. She is the only one in the whole office who understands that my department do not have any directions at all due to our lazy boss. sigh.....Besides taking turns attending to the photoshoot, my boss wanted me to help J with her publicity and I couldn't do my work at all! Its my boss's fault that the publicity circulation was late....becaaue she only checked the files from Oct 07 to Apr 08 till now. I can't believe it has been so backdated......

After band practice on friday, sy, eil, ms and I went to mel's place to play mahjong. While we ate supper at his place, we watched the 2nd half of our concert dvd recording. Mel was telling us how he forgot to take his el camino real score after the lidss performance and actually slipped backstage to find the score when the slow movement of el camino real was playing. And so we saw him in the recording, walking nonchalantly to the backstage and reappeared a while later, holding the file in his hand and trying to hide it as he walked back to his snare drum. Haha.....I didn't know this was happening. Heard my solo and felt it was not as good as I thought it was. Must be better for the competition...We played only one round of mahjong and finished at 4am! My luck wasn't good that night and I lost a bit. Mel actually won money from us girls this time...

eil mentioned this is her last friday in singapore as she is leaving for an internship overseas soon which she only just received the offer and was not mentally prepared. Good luck eil! I hope everything goes well for you!

I reached home at about 4:30am...really tired and slept for a few hours only. I woke up early to meet xl for a swim and so I was stoning as I made my way to meet her. I didn't swim very much as the pool was a bit crowded with the morning kids swimming lesson . Think I have not swim for too long and was feeling a bit scared. I'm not a good swimmer so I kept to the side. Chatted a lot with xl as we baked in the sun. We saw this hunk with six-pack abs conducting life-saving session with a group of guys and his actions were pretty show-offish. He looked a bit like an ex of mine from my poly...reminded me of someone...

During the wee hours of sat night, I was woken up by my ringing phone. It was a private number and I ignored it and it rang again. I answered it, half asleep, and it was my friend who got really upset after a phone call with his ex as the girl has moved on with another guy. I was thinking whether it is his fault because he chose to break up with his ex even though he still loves her. Also, its been a long time since they broke up....Anway, I will talk to him on another day as he was in Malaysia when he called....

Went to the gym as usual on sunday morning and then met Lj in the evening to watch Accuracy of Death. Takeshi Kaneshiro is so damn gorgeous! Its a nice movie to watch and funny as well. Giving a person one more chance to live can bring about unexpected changes which could lead to a fruitful life. Who knows that "suspending" the death of a young woman would lead Chiba (Takeshi) to judge her again when she became a 70 years old woman and she was ready to die at that point, having lived a full life. And I think Chiba was also glad that he finally got to see clear blue sky. I am waiting to see my clear blue sky as well.....:)

Lj and I had coffee after the movie and I told him about the late night call from my friend. He said guys actually take a longer time to get over relationships although they do not seem to feel much pain from the breakup. Whereas girls feel the pain at their greatest when the relationship is over but takes a shorter time to get over it. That was new to me and I wasn't so sure if this is true but I guess everyone takes a different amount of time to get over relationships. Some just recover faster than others.....

Music is Humanity's Greatest Invention....(as quoted by Chiba)
19 May 2008 5:32pm

Yummy Cakes...

I was reminded of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when I was watching Speed Racer on sat because I find it so colourful like the former. The storyline is alright but the visual effects were stunning. Sharp, rich in colours and the races were exciting! Rain makes a rather good debut in his first hollywood feature in English. But I didn't catch the movie because of him, more of for the effects. Caught the movie with CH and its been like 2 years since we last met up. He's into coral collection lately and also changed a new job a few months back. We promise to meet up again after he returnsrom a business trip. I envy that he gets to travel in his job.

I was so tired during band practice yesterday. By the time I reached school, I was like really sleepy and yawning throughout the warm-up session. Didn't get enough sleep the previous night. Luckily it wasn't full band with my conductor. Jo came to take us for sectional practice. I was still very frustrated with the john williams march, certain parts sounded terrible with all the mispitched notes.....sigh...hopefully friday's practice will be better.

My colleagues and I wanted to celebrate j's birthday yesterday with a lunch at NYDC but it went pretty quiet and unknown because we didn't get her a cake. The cakes at NYDC were too big for us to finish. Instead, ld ordered a lychee martini cake from Pine Garden(Blk 529 Ang Mo Kio Ave 19 #01-2369 Tel: 64576159 http://www.pgcake.com/) in Ang Mo Kio and arranged for uncle to collect for us today. We gathered in the boardroom, lit the candles and turned off the lights. Then ld called my boss to bring j in but she took quite a few minutes to bring her in and we were wondering why my boss took so long (but its not unusual anyway, she is late in everything). So my boss finally entered the room with j and we surprised her with a birthday song : ). The cake is heavenly : ) Tasted a lot of cakes today....feeling a bit sick now.

Happy 21st Birthday J!

tired from a run.....
14 May 2008 9.39pm

The Kissing Game

My boss has finally confirmed my appointment....we will see how it goes for now...of course, the same old nonsense will continue.

kc and his wife (they just got ROM! Congrats!) are leaving for tokyo this sunday so we met on thursday to have a farewell dinner. yc was also there and its been ages since we last saw him. He lost contact with all of us ever since he came back from UK a few years back. Believe it or not, kc found him by googling his name on the search engine and found him on a junior college website where he is teaching now! It was so funny....... first time I heard finding a friend by doing a search on the internet. So all of us had a chat and we found that yc is still the same. He told us he didn't travel out that much during his few years in UK studying, preferring to stay in. So wasted as we feel that he could travel around UK or Europe since he was there. kc showed us photos that he and his wife took during their vacation early this year. His photography skill is not bad. kt commented that he never expected kc to be the first to get married among us. Actually at our age, its not uncommon to see our friends settling down. More singles nowadays are looking at a domestic life and had enough of a single's life. You can still have fun even after getting married. As we were leaving, we said our goodbyes and wished them all the best. He told us we can stay with them if we are going to tokyo. Haha...thanks!

Had a Mother's Day dinner with my family yesterday and then went for band practice. After the practice, my conductor gave us a pep talk. How he doesn't want us to repeat the mistake two years ago for the coming competition in July. I also need to practice my solo part in el camino real. Hope I can achieve what he wants by then. Stayed back for a while to practice my parts and then we went to Alps Cafe for drinks. As usual my "mummy" and "daddy" (sy and mel) tried not to make me drink too much but with den around, she helped to fill my glass. Haha........so we all got high and then we played this kissing game by rolling a dice in a shaker, guess the number and the person who guessed it correctly have to kiss the person who was shaking the dice. So everyone took turns and kiss each other on the forehead (I know this doesn't seem daring enough but we have to take care of those who are attached...hehe). tim, mel and jos also sang a few songs on the ktv and i was hearing them for the first time. not bad man..... This time round, "mummy" and "daddy" didn't have to worry about me as I wasn't drunk, just feeling high....

Trying to smoothen out that high F...

10 May 2008 2:59pm

Ay Caramba!

I woke up at about 9.30am this morning and felt quite fresh, especially since I took leave today for the concert. Met ym, el and cher for lunch at Din Tai Fung, Raffles City and then we head to Victoria Concert Hall. When we got there, we took our time to get dressed, warm up a bit and then all of us took turns to take section photos by a professional phorographer.

We settled down for rehearsal at about 3pm and managed to go through some important parts. My el camino real sounded ok only and I asked Jo what he thought of it. He commented on a phrase from the same page and I took note of it, making sure I will do it during the actual performance. I noticed lately that Jo is not the same person as before. Compared to last time when I just know him, he has opened up more to other people and seems more talkative. Smiles a lot more and is friendlier too.....:) During the rehearsal, the photographers went around the stage to take pictures of the band. My conductor seemed a bit irritated by the shutter noise....hahah.....

We stopped rehearsal at 5 pm. Then I saw an sms from jac and realised he is doing our concert recording. Chatted with him for a while and asked how he is doing. Took dinner and then I went back to the changing room to get ready. As cher and I did our make-up, I told her that I envy her going to Spain for exchange (if her application is successful). I really wish to go there one day. She looked a bit sad and she told me why. Let's just say she wants to take a long break and I am going to miss having her around in the band. After we got ready, we went on stage for warm up and tuning and then standby at the backstage. Took some photos while we waited.....

And then we performed the first piece. Malaguena was so so....Westside Story was ok too....."maria" went rather well but I fumbled a bit in the second phrasing. The first half was rather fast and it was only 8pm when it ended. My conductor doesn't allow us to mingle with the crowd during interval so I called yh and the others to meet up after the concert. I sneaked out for a while when I heard Jo mentioned seeing ph and went to see her. Stood by the stage and talked to her for a moment. She lost weight. Sigh, if only ph, dr, yx and hm also played with us...miss having them around.

The percussion ensemble did their sambal item which got a rousing reaction from the audience. Then its back to normal repertoire as we got back on stage. Jo pat on my shoulder and wished me good luck. Law too.. Second Suite came and went and then came the important piece of the evening, El Camino Real. The french horns went a bit too fast at the beginning but the whole piece sounded quite good. The middle slow passage was also not bad but the oboist had some problem with the notes. Understand that it was the instrument problem, not her fault. My part at the 8/8 bar went ok.....did what Jo told me and then the solo. Took all the breath I need and I sounded nice. I knew this cos Jo tapped on his euphonium after I finished it (a sign by fellow musicians to commend that the soloist or section played good). The last fast section proceeded well and the audience liked it! Jo said I sounded good cos I took in more breath. Got a few positive comments from my friends after the concert and I was glad the solo went well. At least no major mistake.

Went down to meet my friends after the concert and hanged around at the reception area until almost everyone left. I went to thank an ex-colleague who also came for the concert and got a few comments as well. While I was talking to him, a young boy came up to say hi and it was the guest player who came to play with us at convocation last August at Suntec City. Almost couldn't recognize him due to his funky hairstyle. Congratulated me and I thanked him for coming to the concert. Suz gave me a bouquet of flowers.......I was so happy to receive it. Its the first time I receive a bouquet at a concert. :) Took pictures with them. Thank you yh, 3sa & bf, yx & fren, lj, kev, suz and YA for coming to the concert! I really appreciate your support!!!

A lot of people asked why I didn't want to go off from vch and chose to go back to school and I just simply answered that I have no other life, too much time anyway.....so just go back to school with them....

After my friends left, I hanged around to chat with yx and some other people. Shared some gossip and bitching....haha.....then cher and I quickly went up to grab our stuff to head back to school. yx hanged around with us till the truck came to load the stuff and while waiting, we talked about my job and he told me to start thinking about being more positive and not to run once i meet obstacles at work. He encouraged me and told me to be more tenacious. Think through what I have learnt so far about myself and how to be better, which I have not done a lot. He told me to use the example when I was in symphonia exco as a librarian. How I learnt to manage a library with no prior experience at all. Although yx could have step in to help me, he did not do so at that time but let me run my own show and somehow set up a library that somewhat has a system, even though we have different views on managing the library. He asked me whether I have thought thru what I learnt about myself and the process of managing the library during those times, but sadly I did not. I remembered I was stressed out and bad tempered, showing my frustrations at the band members, which is totally not right. And yet all these years, I did nothing about it and it has cost me my sight in my career path and my relationship. I was so sad when I thought about it and yx is right. Like what I have previously mentioned in my other post, I should tolerate and be positive. Do something to improve the situation and not just simply give up. Sigh....as we sat in the bus back to school, I looked out the window, thinking thru what yx said and a tear rolled down my cheeks.

When we reached school, we took quite a long time to move everything back. As usual we dilly-dally around the bandroom, took more photos and finally got our asses out from school. Cher didn't joined us as her mum was coming to fetch her and she went to kopitiam to buy food instead. Hugged her a goodbye. I asked if she was ok and she said yes, just a bit irritated. Think both of us love this band too much. And have too many things going on in our lives. The rest of us went to Mac at bras basah complex. What a place to go after a successful concert. While we were eating, Pao asked whether both of us should be sitting in the audience next year. I have a wierd feeling at this question but I told him I would prefer to perform in the concert. A wierd place to end off the concert but anyway we will have a post celebration to make up for it. Its been a bitter-sweet night. Thank you Symphonia!

2 Feb 2008 4.43am

18 hours to go......

2nd day at work without my boss around....too bad its the last day to enjoy the peace and serenity. Well its still work as usual as we attended to the tasks at hand and sudden media enquiries. Today I actually have doubts about my capability as a colleague from another department told me to check on matters with an external partner which I should have thought of it and deal with, especially since it lies in my job scope. Sigh, I felt so discouraged after the phone conversation, thinking to myself why I didn't think of all those things that I should check with the external partner. I think my colleague must be pondering in his bubble as he was talking to me "what the hell is this girl doing? Why is it that she didn't think of all these important matters?" Lately I have been thinking whether I am trying to run too fast a race which I am not ready to handle yet. I must say I am still not quite used to the pace around here and I am not sure whether I just need time to adapt to it or is it that I just don't have the ability yet to do it.

I was the last to leave office as I had to finish some work that requires my GM approval. I quickly headed to VCH and stopped by Isetan Supermarket, lingering around the bakery there and wonder if I should grab a bread. Then I changed my mind and put the tray back. In the end, law smsed to ask if I wanted dinner so he bought me Mac. The minute I reached vch, I wasted no time by warming up first. As I was eating my dinner, mel told me he has managed to settle a lot of stuff for the concert and looked less stressed......hopefully.....

The rehearsal was ok...some parts sounded good. I thought I could have played better. Not sure whether its due to my tiredness that I couldn't pitch properly. Hope I can do it later!

Took the train home with cher, sy, den and aud. Cher entertained us with her fuuny account of someone from school....bitching about that person....hahaha...

18 hours to go to showtime....: )

1 Feb 2008 1.01am

Sleep Deprived........

I am seriously in need of rest.

I have not been sleeping enough lately. And this has caused me to have another bout of pimple breakout. Sigh.....

Work on Monday was "as usual". The usual requests, naggings, irritating things and also preparations for upcoming stuff....I was looking forward to the end of the day...cos I rather go for band practice....

But I couldn't concentrate during practice'cos I was so tired. Instead of practising at my uni, my conductor wanted us to go to one of his sec sch hall to practice and project our sound out. And the school is situated freaking far at the east side of the island......I feel that the fatigue has set in on everyone. We could play better but everyone seemed tired and frustrated on coming so far for the practice, espcially the exco. They seem stressed out.

During the bus journey to the sec sch, cher showed me an interesting thing she received. I was so surprised to see it.

After looking through, I think to myself that it is always possible to have an unexpected turn of events.

Practice ended around 10pm but by the time we left school, it was almost 11pm. Sy abandoned us to go back with aud as her dad came to fetch her. So mel and I left together. Mer tried to persuade to go for supper but I was dead tired liao. Luckily mel's mum came to fetch us home. :)

The next morning at work, my boss didn't turn up at all and smsed me to attend the morning meeting. Arrggh! And she only turned up in the afternoon when we left for our last round of goodies giveaway. She was late as usual and irritated me with her instructions. I wonder how long I can tolerate all these.....

Right after we came back from the giveaway, I tried to settle some stuff in the office and quickly left for practice. My conductor was quite unhappy as majority of the french horn and saxophone section did not turn up and we couldn't rehearse the important pieces (el camino real and second suite). Had no choice but to do it tomorrow at our final rehearsal. Hopefully everything wil turn out fine.....

Cher drove us home and couldn't find the correct expressway. Helped her to read the map and realised I am lousy at this....seriously need traning on road map reading and driving!Hahah.....

The office is very peaceful today 'cos my boss went on leave till tomorrow. It was heaven.......my GM chaired the promotion meeting today as my boss is not around. I was a bit worried that I might get shot at by the other depts for some A&P matters but luckily the meeting went well..:)

Read in the papers this morning that ticket prices at Cathay cinema will increase to $10.50 on weekends for blockbusters. Sigh....This means higher likelihood of going broke since I like to watch movies.....And then heard on the news just now that there will be more ERP gantries.....sigh...things are getting so expensive these days....its getting more difficult to survive in Singapore.

Tomorrow is the last rehearsal to concert. Need to focus on this one. And when everything is over, its hello to dreamland.....

2 days to Ay Caramba....

30 Jan 2008 9.50pm

It never rains but it pours......

My dept went out for a media blitz on thurs and fri. In the process of preparing the goodies hamper, a lot of things didn't go well. In a way, my dept seems to become a "hate" target to the other depts. The blitz on thurs went ok.......think "ok" is an understatement.

Friday was worse. There was a last minute photoshoot and my boss told us that we had to leave later than planned. When we finally left office it was 4pm plus. We left first to load the items at receiver's end first and waited for my boss to come. By then, it was like 4.45pm and we had a long list of people to give out the goodies to. Luckily, mu boss called majority of the journalists to meet downstairs to receive the goodies. We finished about 6pm, pretty late already and I want to rush back to office to send out an urgent email. But my boss actually wanted to meet this journalist for a drink and me and my colleagues had no choice but to follow. Reached office about 7 plus and I quickly sent out my email and left for band practice. I thought I was late but turned out my conductor was sick so the band played the entire repertoire on our own by listening for practice. It was such a sucky day. I really don't like my job. The working relationship in my dept sucks. The company sucks.

When practice ended, I hanged around and they prepared a birthday cake for the January babies. It was a chocolate banana cake from Secret Recipe, really yummy. So for those of you who are looking for a nice birthday cake, consider this one from secret recipe. Chatted for a while with Da as we ate our cake. The way he talks is always in a humorous and joking manner. Seems like a happy-go-lucky person.....Hanged around bandroom for a longer while until everyone finally bothered to leave. We went to Alps Cafe for a drink (because I wanted to...haha). We ordered white wine and some food. This time, I did eat. Tim asked me a funny question, like whether i will like someone who is shorter than me. Which I think is impossible because I am already very short.........and do I want to get married by the age of 30. Yes, I want to get married by the age of 30.....funny questions...and he said at my wedding the band or a small ensemble could play something for me, but not el camino real. And I told him I would probably set aside 5 tables for symphonia....Craps! too much wine.....

I got drunk again this time......sigh....I have a low tolerance for alcohol. I get drunk most of the time (like 9 out of 10 times whenever I go clubbing or drinking) and would need assistance to get me home.....haha...so as we left Alps Cafe, I was feeling drunk already....walked around outside the cafe as the others were deciding whether to go home or go somewhere....I took a few sips of water, breathed deeply hoping to feel better...but it didnt and I sat down at the table. Lulu thought I was feeling sian.....the guys came over and told me to go home, saying after concert is over, we will go cheong.....so I said ok.....stood up, walked a few steps and I knew it. Turned around to look at mel and told him I need to leave immediately. Sy came to joined us and we took the cab. I was feeling terrible and threw up in the cab into a plastic bag. Luckily mel and sy were with me. Sorry guys, I troubled you both again.....

Had a hangover till the next day.....I was feeling tired and had a throbbing head. But I still went out as I didn't want to stay home. Met Yh and 3sa for movie....Assasination of Jesse James is a really slow movie........zzzzzzz......

After the movie, we headed to the temple. I offered some jossticks and then went in to draw a lot. I couldn't remember the exact rules but I only managed to get a lot on the 5th attempt. So I'm not sure if this is accurate. First 3 attempts, the pair of red disk landed on the same side so the lot doesn't count. The 4th attempt, 2 lots dropped out so I think this doesn't count either. Finally got a lot on the 5th try. Well its a bad lot. I guessed when you are down on your luck, everything goes wrong. Basically the lot says that whatever ways I try, I will end up in a dead end. Also some misfortune might befall on me and my family. Of cos I take all these with a pinch of salt. It might mean something else so my gut feel tells me to just act more cautiously for the next few months, especially in my career. The gals told me not to think too much but somehow, its like a sign to me. I keep feeling uneasy these days.....hope I am wrong.

Lj arrived shortly after we left the temple. As we crossed over to Bugis Junction, I saw a huge group of people waiting in the middle of the road for the opposite traffic light to turn green. I guess everyone knows the traffic light between Bugis Junction and Bugis Pasar Malam. So when there are a LOT of people crossing this road, a huge chunk will get jammed in the middle as they wait for the opposite traffic light. And because there are barricades, people can't cross freely over. Terrible traffic design. We gave up waiting and walked along the grassy pavement to the other traffic light that crosses to California Fitness. LTA should do something to that traffic light because when its very crowded (esp weekends and its CNY shopping period), lots of people will just get stuck in the middle.

We went to starbucks for a drink and 3sa met her ex there and started to get gan cheong as her bf will be coming later. We kept assuring her that it is nothing and she need not feel bad.so funny....I passed the concert stall ticket to lj and only know later that yh and the others bought circle seats. Ooops....think I will try to make a swop for him on concert day....

Yh and I then went to meet suz and YA for dinner at NYDC. i have not ate there for a long time and noticed that their menu do not have meat main course. Its mostly pastas, pizzas, sandwiches and desserts. We actually sat there till about 11pm. Yh and suz had this sell your friend application on Facebook. Sounded so interesting....think I will go check it out. But only after I clean up my facebook. Got too many applications and its really really slow.....or maybe its my computer that is slow......duh....





5 days to Ay Caramba


1 Feb Victoria Concert Hall 7.30pm


27 Jan 2007 5.35pm