Where do I stand?

Well, its only been a week of work at my new job but somehow I don't feel a sense of belonging? Is it because I am just a contract staff? I'm not sure about that but I don't regret leaving my previous company. Although the workload is heavy here, I like the job scope better. The work environment is not very friendly. People here are not generous with their smiles even when I offered mine. The higher level staff seem to get grumpy or irritated easily. There was this senior whom I approached regarding an external merchant whom we tied up with for a giveaway promotion. There were several emails exchanged between the client and us and I needed this senior staff to update me whether a promotion mechanic that the external partner wants to insert into a writeup is in or not. Her answer wasn't clear, just told me to tell the merchant that we will look into it. And when I emailed her a gentle reminder, she replied back angrily, telling me to stop choking her email and already said she will put in the promotion mechanic but won't let the merchant to proofread. She was being a bit rude but since she is a senior, I decided to ignore it and just email her whenever its necessary. I wasn't sure why she found this whole matter so irritating but if she could just state clearly in the first place on the procedure to handle external partners on joint promotions or simply an answer whether to put in the promotion mechanic, I wouldn't bother her too much. I only felt it was right to reply the external merchant as they sponsored the giveaway prizes. Maybe I still have not understand the culture of the company and might have stepped on the toes of others. Sigh....guess I just need time to get used to the new place and not let minor setbacks affect me. I am trying to cultivate a positive attitude towards everything now. I wonder whether I have impressed my manager so far. Till now, I still feel a bit surprise that she offered me the job. I was wondering whether she employed me because she couldn't find any other replacements?

Cher left for Italy on wed and many of us went to send her off. She was busy talking and taking photos with everyone. We didn't get to have a heart-to-heart talk lately as she was busy preparing for this exchange trip. A bit sad that she won't be around for the next few months. Everyone bade farewell and took one last group photo before she checked in. We waved goodbye till she was out of sight.

Went to catch Wall-E on thursday. It was a funny and endearing movie. Besides showing how determine Wall-e is in saving Eva and the adventure along the way, there was also a side message that the movie was telling. If we don't protect Earth now, we might end up losing it and ourselves and perhaps living artificially in a world that is only about entertainment and nothing else.

There were quite a number of freshies at friday's band practice. The recruitment this year seems pretty good and a lot of the freshies actually hanged out with the group after practice. I didn't feel like drinking and didn't had dinner (I left office late as I was rushing an assignment for my manager. Hope I did it according to what she needs) before practice. A few of them also wanted to have supper so win, lu, ady, faz and I walked to a food centre near bugis to eat. Then we went to chijmes to look for them. Win was telling us jokes that made lu and myself laughed so much. The way she tells jokes is really funny. But sometimes, I feel really old or "out" as I am the only alumni there currently....

Its been a tiring week, having stayed back to do work. I hope next week will be easier.....

31 Aug 2008 12:29am

Cute long-awaited visit

I went for my first dental visit in ten years....sounds terrible right? I know but its because I have a phobia of going to the dentist since young. When I was in primay school, I had a bad experience with the dental nurse who is always so fierce and unfriendly and the process was painful, with all that drilling and scraping....and bleeding...:( my last visit was in secondary 4.

Well anyway, I made an appointment and turned up for the check up cum cleaning service on thursday. Heard a faint drilling sound and was feeling a bit nervous while waiting for my turn. Prior to that day, the clinic even sent an sms to remind me of my appointment and to call them to confirm it. I forgot to call them the night before and the clinic called to confirm the appointment with me. hmm...quite efficient service.....And so I waited for my turn and then a door was opened in front of me and a lady called my name. Went into the room and was greeted by my dentist. He sounded friendly and looked cute too....hehe..although he was wearing a face mask and I could only see half his face. The cleaning process was uncomfortable as it was painful at some parts but the cute dentist and his nurse were friendly and assuring so I went through the whole process unharmed. haha.......the treatment cost me $115 becaue I had to take an additional flouride treatment as I have deep valleys of stains on my molars and the dentist reccommended I take it to prevent decay. Oh...I obliged whatever he said....:)

Yesterday I met CH for a movie. We watched The X-Files but it wasn't that mysterious or supernatural enough. I would highly recommend that you wait for the DVD release. Met joy and K at the National Museum of Singapore where the Night Festival was going on. The museum was opened to the public for free and so I went in to meet them and we went around viewing the exhibits. It was fun catching up with the two of them as we have not seen each other for at least a year. It was really crowded inside the museum and everyone was attracted to this giant-sized renaissance statue of a nude man who was in pink floral prints. We took funny shots with him such as posing a kissing shot with the statue (His name was David) but the effect was not realistic enough :p.

I think I have band fatigue...need a short break from it. Still having that aimless and lost feeling.....

27 Jul 2008 7:26pm

Its what you do that defines you

The band organised a dinner and dance on tuesday at the penthouse to celebrate our victory at the competition. I was late and when I stepped into room, the recording of el camino real was being played. Kind of awkward as everyone was listening intently to it. I quickly sat down next to pao and was in time to listen to the slow movement. I thought to myself "this is good". After that, pao told us the incident of this group of people who was sitting behind him at vch when we were on stage to perform and they whispered "F**k" after we played our tuning chord. They were amazed that we sounded like an organ. Pao went on to say that the entire stage was vibrating with our beat during the John Williams March. He felt our impact. The evening went on with eating and talking, random photo-takings, video presentations. Then my conductor appeared with the wines. They played the two recordings again and I was proud that we sounded like that. It wasn't flawless but to have achieved what we had was a milestone in our 5 year history. yx said we should let vic and the others hear this. I agree. When the music started, I sat down with yx and pao instead of joining the others for dance. I feel ancient to join in the fun with them. Instead we chatted at the table.

I went on MC the next day. Somehow I must have ate something wrong that made me vomitted 3 times that day and I had body aches all over, especially my back. I couldn't eat anything at all until the evening where I took a light porridge.

So I went back to work on thurday and was told by my colleagues the previous day's happenings. Apparently my boss felt that I don't have much to do at work. I was really upset when I heard this so I wrote an email to my boss stating the entire list of tasks that are under my charge. And she replied back, giving an answer to every item that I listed to make it seem like every task that I am doing is trivial and easy. She obviously do not understand what is going on in my daily work. She doesn't see what I am doing for her at all. Oh well, I try to take things in my stride now. I won't stay in this hellhole for long.

There was a visit by a friend who have been away for a long time on Friday's rehearsal. I was so glad to see him. Ken told me he missed playing while he was recovering from a fever at the hospital. Welcome back!

Caught The Dark Knight with suz, YA and sw at Tampines Mall. The movie is good, especially Heath Ledger. It was just as depicted in the news. His performance as The Joker was excellent. Just as good as Jack Nicholson's or probably even better. But its sad that Heath is gone. We had dinner at Swensen after the movie. I ordered a Cheesy Steak Sandwich (If I remembered the name correctly) and the beef was not tender enough. A bit too chewy. The service wasn't efficient as the service staff did not bring us the basket of cutlery after we ordered. When the appetizer was served, we had no utensils and had to remind the waiter to bring it to us. But I guess they might be shorthanded that day.Did a bit of shopping with yh after suz and the others left for church. Tampines Central is like a mini Orchard Road during weekends. It was so crowded!

That night when Ken came for practice, he mentioned about learning another instrument so I suggested the oboe as he has a related skill in bassoon. Then I started thinking if I should learn something else or move on to a new activity. What would I be doing if I am not playing in band?

Its not what is beneath...its what you do that defines you....
20 July 2008 8:16pm

In doubt......

Band practice on friday didn't end that well. My conductor lost his temper at one of our sections for not practising their parts for the coming competition. He kept harping on the issue of commitment. Why is it that people could not keep their word when they have promised to take part in the competition and not work towards it? If they can't commit themselves to come for practices, then they should not have agreed to play in the first place. He felt that that a lot of people nowadays seem to lack the level of commitment when they have made a promise to do something. In all my years of playing in a concert band when I was a student and now as a full-time employee in the working world, I would say its all about choices. It is whether you choose to put in the time and effort. You choose what you are passionate about based on your interest. You choose your priorities, the things that are important to you.

My conductor mentioned before that the young generation of today aspires to be everything. They want to try everything and do everything to succeed in life. Maybe that is why we choose band, work and other things at the same time thinking we can balance them all but in the end, we failed. I guess my conductor failed to understand that sometimes it is not just about a lack of commitment. There are many factors that cause our failure to achieve results on tasks or things that we want to do or promised to deliver. It can be stress from work, lack of motivation, lack of resources or uncertainties on how to perform. I think the section just lacked the motivation to perform and not because they don't have the commitment.

Studies and work are of top priority to us because we depend on them for a living. As many of us are working and serving internships now, we have less time for practice. And when you compare the level of importance, it is definitely work. However, if there is motivation then everyone will be pushed and encouraged to put in some time for practice. To me, playing in the band is my interest and it is the interest that is motivating me to perform but realistically speaking, I have to put my career at the top of my list as I cannot survive without it. If the time comes and I have to choose, then it is with a heavy heart that I have to leave the band.

Went to Ikea yesterday to get a new table for my computer at just $50! haha....Ljun went with me. The store was filled with the weekend crowd but I got to taste those delicious swedish meatballs for dinners. : ) It is during such weekend shopping that you see the ugly side of singaporeans on their inconsiderate behaviours. Like when Ljun and I were waiting in the taxi queue, the family in front of us just left their empty trolley in the queue when they got on the cab and another couple in front of us was kind in pushing the trolley to one side and passed it to an Ikea staff who was there to collect empty trolleys. Also, that inconsiderate family's baby toddler was roaming around, came to our trolley and grabbed my stuff. The mum quickly put it back but didn't say a word of apology. So terrible! I am not against anyone but I wonder why I always see this behaviour from this particular group of people. And this just makes me dislike them and I never wanted to dislike them. Another pet peeves that pisses me off is why some parents don't apologised for their young children's rowdy or rude bahaviour in public. Do they think that just because they are children, their inappropriate behaviour can be easily dismissed? Seriously, some people are not good parents and should not be parents.

We managed to catch a movie before heading to Ikea. Wanted was so-so to me but the visual effects and action scenes are great! The movie gave a reflection point that we have no right to decide who lives and who dies in our world just by going on fate. If that is the case, do we have a right to sentence criminals to death penalty for the grave crimes that they commit?

A major decision ahead to decide.......

29 June 2008 10:56pm

A Walking Agony

My knees are in excruciating pain now. I went for Passion Run this morning at East Coast, running the 10km with my friends. Woke up really early and met pat at ang mo kio with yh for a ride. It started out ok but the pain came just after 3km and I bear the pain till almost the end , at the 9km mark and I walked as it was unbearable....I wonder if I can walk tomorrow....

Friday's practice was not bad as Tim took us for el camino real and a few other pieces. Josh didn't have to do a lot of conducting that night. There was this irritating sound coming from my instrument whenever I hit the high notes. Spent some time after practice to clean it but the metallic sound is still there....arrgh....

Watched Sex and the City with shA after practice. It was quite nice and several parts hit a note with me. Like how Big never wrote any love letters to carrie before. When he was trying to reach her at the end, he emailed her love letters from a book (Love Letters from Great Men) and in the end when he wrote one, its was just a sentence. Reminded me of the only love letter I got from an ex who is never good at writing love letters and is not the sort to send one. But during the period when I was away on a trip, he missed me and emailed me a love letter. It was sweet and sincere. This is one of those happy memories that people will keep in their heart and smile when they thought of it, even if the person is not around anymore. The friendship and support between carrie, charlotte, miranda and samantha are like what I have from from my friends who got me to where I am today and I'm grateful for it. Relationships are difficult, no matter how much you love each other. But I'm not discouraged. I am looking forward : )

My boss has not been helpful these days. She doesn't seem to do much work at all since she pushes everything to us. On Friday, I sent out an email to my vendor on the editing required for a newsletter. When she saw the email, she came out and start talking on some additional information that she wants in the newsletter which I did not receive from the relevant dept. My boss has this bad habit of telling us verbally the things she wants without much details or with no clear direction and then expects us to understand it and do it and feels that she has fufilled her responsibility of informing us. I really hate it. I was checking furiously through my inbox clearing the tons of emails that she sent as she stood there blabbering about the things she wants in the newsletter. Feeling extremely fed-up, I just shot back at her without looking up that I need these information in written form as I won't be able to remember everything she said. Think she sensed that I was irritated with her and told me to refer to the past press releases. She always tell us to refer to last year's archive and "do as per last year or previously". One of her favourite phrases....

Another long week ahead....I need a break..
8 June 2008 7:43pm

Am I too involved?

Its been a pretty standard week. Work and rehearsals on tueday and friday. Went running on monday and wednesday. Had to work late on thurday and the week just went by like that....

I took the morning off on friday and came back slightly past noon time. The day before, my boss told me to help j with all her circulations when I come back. Which means the entire dept has to to stop work and help j to photocopy the publicity clippings and file the clippings into another file before circulating to all the depts. I couldn't do my work. Its her fault for not looking through the files earlier and caused the long delay. Yet she told us the circulation is long overdue and we must quickly send it out. She just doesn't realise her fault for not approving the files earlier (since Oct last year...the publicity files were ready on time every month for her to check and approve but she kept procrastinating and gave excuses that she is very busy). Oh well, that's the way she is, always in denial and never sees her own flaws.

I was late for practice as I got held up in the office (my boss called me back just as I stepped out of the office to program some things on the computer for a recording. She just forwarded an email to us, expecting us to remember the date and time to record the program but with the hundreds of emails she sends us, I feel that its only right that she help to remind us about it and not take it for granted that we will do it. There are too many things to do for her. sigh....No leadership and emphasis on teamwork from her).

Josh took full band practice today as my conductor went overseas. Tim Reynish, a well-known conductor, will be coming next week to conduct us for two rehearsals! So looking forward to it. So Josh went through John Williams march and told us to play as accurately as possible as Tim doesn't work on technical stuff. During practice, MS asked whether I recorded all original music scores that the band bought when I was managing the library during my exco. I did that and was surprised to learn that they have not been updating the file ever since I handed over the library. When it got to MS, it was already a mess. I was disappointed that the previous excos didn't manage the library properly. Sigh...my hard work went down the drain....Anway, I told MS if she needed help with the library, I will help her. Also reminded ed the importance of managing the library.

After practice, we went for tau huay and I thought we will be heading home after that. But the rest wanted to do something and we ended up at Cathay. I was contemplating whether to go home (actually, the last train already left..) as I was tired. Before I knew it, they already bought tickets for Indiana Jones. The movie is not bad but doesn't seem to have any meaning to it. The main theme sounded great and we wish we will sound like that for the competition....haha..... I was yawning the whole time during the movie but I managed to stay awake.

Yesterday was another movie day with yh, 3sa and yx. We watched Prince Caspian and I like it!The ending was sad as the fpur Pevensie children left Narnia, not knowing when they will return and for some of them, not returning at all. The part where Peter lead the Narnians to attack Miraz's castle showed us the importance of not being selfish. Being high king, he feels that it is his duty to protect the Narnians and he is the only one who should do it and he did it for himself only, without a thought for everyone. He got big-headed. In the end, they lost the fight and many of their fellow people's lives. Sometimes when we are in a favourable position, it gets into our head and we lose sight of what is really in front of us and what are the things that we should do. We should never do it just for ourselves but for everyone and for the team. Never look good just for yourself.

yh and I met ed after the movie to collect out number tags and time chip for next week's Passion Run. We bumped into kel and ron at Novena Square and catched up with them for a while. Been a long time since I saw kel. AI is still going on but member strength is falling. Lots of fun memories when I played with them last time but many of us have left. I only have time for symphonia now. A few of them like Kel are still holding up the band. We wanted to have dinner but only ate a bit. yh, ed and I talked about symphonia (think we bored yh.....sorry gal!). Think ed is getting stress over sym. Hope things will work for you and your exco. Its never easy to manage a band. Then I met B after that for a drink and we chatted till coffee bean closed. Its fun to talk to him. He is someone who enjoys first and deal with the consequences later. Can learn a few life lessons from this guy...haha..: )

Leave you a song "The Call" by Regina Spektor, very meaningful....(ost: The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian)

1 June 2008 8:54pm

The Ironman

Ironman is a great movie to watch! I went to catch it yesterday with alloi. But I was held up at the office (damn it!) so I missed the first 10 minutes of the show, I think. Beautiful red and gold armour, gripping actions scenes, fantastic gadget performances and its also funny, especially Stark's machine assistant that helps him at his lab. There were several comical moments in the movie. The coolest thing I like about Ironman is the glowing pacemaker embedded in his chest to keep his heart alive.

After the movie, alloi and I went to grab a bite. I was the first to finish my food as he talked a lot about his life setbacks, career and how he ended up in his current job. I admire his courage for going through so much. He seems to love his work now and was trying to get me to join him and try his company products. I was listening to him the whole night talking passionately about his job and why I should go into network marketing. I am still a skeptic when it comes to this particular profession. Though I appreciate his gesture, I don't really see myself in network marketing. I can still meet a lot of people in my current line of work. To be honest, I feel that his job is somewhat like sales. Although they need not literally sell the products as a salesperson and are only getting people to join the company, try the products, be a living testimony and refer the products to their friends, they are actually selling the idea that the business is a lucrative one and persuading people to join them. In a way, this is just like sales where you are promoting an idea/plan and not a product or service. You just need to be eloquent and its repetitive as you repeat the same idea to everyone. I prefer my line where we have to plan and implement activities, organise events, handle the media, encounter problems and troubleshoot the problems and evaluate your work. Its the experience and satisfaction that you gain at the end of the day that makes me want to continue my line of work. My salary may be little compared to someone in network marketing but I just want to be happy with what I like to do. I may not be able to provide as much as I want for my parents for now but I just want them to have a peaceful life at least. I am sure I will do better and give more to my family in time to come.

But alloi, I think you doing great!

My boss sent me another reminder yesterday to inform her of my decision on my confirmation. I told my HR about this and she also side with my boss's idea that the confirmation should come from both parties and not just on her. She told me I have to think through whether this job suits me or not. This is not helpful.....coming from the HR. However, I agree this is true but it is also unfair that I have to decide this on my own. My boss should also confirm my appointment base on my work performance and not solely on my acceptance of her working style. I mean everyone have different working styles and we bound to have clashes with each other's communication methods at work. Its whether you are willing to work on it and compromise. She is kind of implying that I have to leave if I don't accept her working style so is she trying to make me go out of job? This is unfair as I have been trying my best to perform and I feel that I have done a reasonable job with zero experience in this industry when I started. Anyway, we will know the answer tomorrow....

Enjoy your 五月天.....
1 May 2008 1:07pm

Searching..

Band practice resumed on friday after the one-month exam break. Everyone looked relaxed and happy. I am so out-of-practice and absolutely neeed to get back to top form again. Spoke to ed about the possibility of missing three practices in june. It could be a concern if I am playing the solo which I guess it is. Ei and the others decided to go to her place for a mahjong session. Mel said I could take turns with him as they have eight players but I decided to go home instead. Also didn't meet up with jy and the others who were also in the area. Guess I was tired.....

There was a career fair going on at Suntec City this weekend and suz and YA went to check it out with me. There were a few companies that I was interested so I visited their booth to apply for the postitions that are relevant to me. Overall, I wouldn't say this is a great career fair as there were a lot of insurance compnaies, education groups offering foreign degree programs and government bodies like SAF, Navy and Air Force which attracted a lot of people to their booth. I think their selling point is the stable income. We went to this particular company where I spoke to a lady, expressing my interest to apply for a job. We spoke briefly and handed her my resume. As we left, a guy from the booth next door approached me, asking if I was interested in apply for their company, as he saw me applying for a position at the other booth. I looked at the booth title where he was and declined. Financial advising is definitely not my cup of tea. As we walked further, YA met a friend who is also with an insurance company and he got suz to try out a personality test which will determine whether an individual has the traits to work as a financial advisor. suz made a point that is true. If you have the personality traits of a financial advisor (eg, outgoing, friendly, full of drive....) it does not necessary mean you are suitable to work in this line. YA's friend went on to explain that this particular quiz is just a general one and there is a more in-depth analysis from another test to determine the suitability of the candidate. suz has to go down to his company on a separate day for a dinner to receive the result of her quiz as they need to churn out the results. Well, to me its just another gimmick to attract people to join this line. I'm sure suz has something else in mind for her career, not really a sales job in financial advising.

We left after walking a few rounds and saw that there was a health & beauty fair next door by Lianhe Wanbao. As we walked in, I saw my boss at the stage audience area and I immediately sulked. How "lucky" I was to see her there. I don't think she saw me as she was busy talking to someone and I pointed her to YA and suz, showing them how my terrible boss looks like. Suz then told me the story about her friend who suffered under a female boss and was very unhappy, just like me, and tendered her resignation before she got a new job as she really wanted to take a break. She couldn't take the backstabbing and nastiness of her boss and colleagues any longer and was already prepared to take the risk of not being able to find a job soon. I wonder if I will end up like suz's friend...

We went to catch a funny and lame movie, Harold and Kumar - Escape from Guantanamo Bay. The movie is hilarious and lame with all the crude and sexual jokes. I wonder do people really organize a bottomless party privately......hmmm......

After the movie, we went to a Why Pay More like store. Both suz and I bought a new pair of running shoes. As I have a budget contraint, I had to settle for a pair that is not aesthetically nice but it serves its function well and I am comfortable in it. : )

Today I read in the The Sunday Times about a comment from the editor on the undesirable traits of Singaporeans which are selfishness and fear of confrontations. They prefer to whine to their friends about their unpleasant encounters such as poor service from sales staff and people who talk loudly into their phones at the cinema while the movie is being shown. This article reminded me about my boss who is afraid of confrontations and prefers not to get involved in any trouble. I agree with the editor that we should act and not just complain when we are unhappy with certain matters. Lodge a formal complaint if you are displeased with the service at a store and tell that person off for speaking loudly into his phone during a movie. Like the editor said, if we bother to act on issues that we have issues with, then there will be less unhappiness and anger around us. So true.....Singaporeans should dare to intervene in matters when appropriate and not be an ostrich, hiding his head into the ground.

Looking forward to wednesday......

27 April 2008 7:39m

Heed the Pain

I was reading the papers yesterday when I came across the term "Stress Fracture". It happened to basketball star Yao Ming when he had to undergo surgery on his left foot due to stress fracture, caused by extensive exhaustion from playing. Stress frature is not like a fracture or breaking of the bone but is caused by constant trauma to the bone with insufficient rest and repair and this causes the bone to weaken over time. According to the article (The Sunday Times, Lifestyle section, "Bones Feel Stress of Bad Break", 13 April 2008, P.9), stress fracture is most often caused by an increase in the intensity or impact during exercise and improper protection and support from your shoes or equipments used. Besides high-impact exercise, people who are obese, tall in stature, wear heels, have irregular menstruation or suffering from osteoporosis and poor diet are also prone to such frature. I started to worry a bit when I finish reading the article as I have a nagging pain in my right knee for the past two weeks. Its not very painful and it doesn't hurt when I walk. But it hurts when my right leg is turned a certain angle or when I moved or get up after sitting or standing for a long while. It also hurts when I get up in the morning and after my gym class and running. I should have change my pair of running shoes some time ago. Guess the support and cushion has wore out and the impact from running has gone to my knees. Prevention is better than cure so I must replace my shoes. Always wear the proper footwear according to the type of activity you are doing, do exercise that strengthens the muscles and take more calcium and vitamin D! Hope I can still run......:(

Also read from the same paper that drinking tea is good for the brain as tea contains a natural compound called catechins. It protects the brain cells from the build-up of damaging protein over the years and this maintains the cognitive ability of the brain ("Give your Brain a Tea Break", The Sunday Times,, Home section, 13 April 2008, P.1). Hmm...lots of readings about health for a day....haha

Watched Street Kings on sat with suz and YA. Keanu Reeves' age seems to have shown in the movie as he looked slightly older than before. I think the last time I saw him on the big screen was in the movie "The Lake House", a romantic love story starring alongside Sandra Bullock. He was really good-looking in that movie....anyway Street Kings is average. Probably should catch it on a weekday to save the money if you intend to watch it.

Looking forward to the day.....

14 Apr 2008 10.05pm

Definitely, Maybe

Its ger's birthday today. Happy Birthday Ger!

Just caught a movie just now with Ljun called "Definitely, Maybe"

The storyline is not bad, not super fantastic but it was meaningful in a way. I won't give away the story here but anyway the movie was about the main character, William, who was telling his love life revolving around three women to his daughter, Maya. William is going through a divorce with his wife. While telling the story, he changed the names of the three women in order for his daughter to guess which of the three ladies is her mum. William said there is a happy ending to the story and his daughter didn't believe it as her parents are divorcing. This is the part that touched me. The happy ending was Maya herself. Having his daughter was a happy ending to William. But this is not the end of the story so go watch it.

But what I learnt from the story is that in life, you have to go through several heartbreaks to realise who the love of your life is. He or she might be with you all these while and you have always like him or her but you never realised it until you lost that person and found them again.

Brought a tear to my eye.......
8 Apr 2008 11:15pm

Pet Peeves

I didn't do much during this long Easter weekend. I am nursing a sore throat and is getting a bit better. I went to the gym on friday for bodycombat and told myself that I will try not to head to the gym on public holidays as it was quite crowded. Also, the pet peeves that I always encounter at the gym are getting to my nerves. I couldn't stand those people who would hog a machine for almost half an hour, forgetting there are other gymers who are waiting to use it as well. While I was waiting for the combat class to start, I wanted to use this particular ab machine but there was this inconsiderate guy who was hoarding it, doing hundreds of repetition, taking long pauses in between and even left his towel on the machine while he stroll over to the water cooler for a sip before resuming his exercise again. How irritating! In the end, I didn't get to use it and went for my class instead as it was starting soon. After the combat session ended, I came out of the studio and saw that someone is still using that ab machine. So I hanged around for a while and finally got to it.

Another pet peeve that I can't stand are those personal trainers who are training their clients. They would take it that they have priority over the equipments and hog them as well. I am also a paying member of the club and deserve equal treatment as them. There was an incident where I was waiting for a chest pump machine and as the guy was leaving, a trainer came over immediately with his client to use it. I was pissed off and told him I was already waiting there and would appreciate if I could have about ten minutes on it. Luckily this traniner was kind enough to let me use it. The trainer waited and I returned the gesture by signalling him over when I was done so that no one would use it.

The other thing that irks me is those disgusting women who leave their used towels on the bench in front of other users' locker. I got it before. Probably they think that as a paying club member, they expect the locker attendants to clean up after them so they don't bother to drop their used towels into the bin at the locker counter. The gym can be a really dirty place sometimes......eeww...

After gym, I met Ljun to window shop. He got a new job and wanted to get a windbreaker/sweater to wear in the office. He's quite a spender and usually plans what he wants to buy every month. I wish I can be like him...if my salary allows...but I still believe in saving for a rainy day. We went to Paragon and I saw a Bvlgari event at the main atrium. Reminded me of my old job.....sigh...

***

I just finished watching season 2 of Heroes and I am definitely hooked on it! I love Milo Ventimiglia (he acts as Peter Petrelli in the series)! So gorgeous and has one of the most powerful abilities among the characters. I find some of the quotes in the show rather meaningful and thought-provoking. Can't wait to see what happens to them....sometimes I wish the haitian could come and erase all the unhappy thoughts in my head.

Another work week tomorrow. Not looking forward to it but I guess the only consolation I get is that my boss will be on leave tomorrow. I wonder what will happen this week....

You left. You left. All You have are your nightmares.

23 March 2008 7.22pm

Ever so Restless.....

I met zz and kev on wed for dinner and also to discuss some stuff. We were at Macdonalds. While I was rummaging through my bag, I accidentally knocked over my coffee and it spilt into my bag! Got coffee all over my white sweater. Now the inside of my bag smells like coffee....haha.....arrgh..

I feel so restless these days. Work was boring as usual. I even skipped practice on friday and met yh, zz and kev for dinner instead. Just totally no mood to practice or do anything...

On the train back with yh, I learnt that yh usually keeps all her troubles and problems inside her and would not or seldom share with anyone. Hey girl, its not good to keep everything to yourself. Try to open up and you will feel better. Remember that you have friends and love ones who are here to listen, including myself. You were there for me. It might be awkward for you but you will never know if you don't even try. :)

Watched 10000B.C with gy yesterday. Its average with some rather funny parts. Still an entertaning movie to watch. Its been a long time since I last saw gy. We went shopping around after the movie and he bought a few things. He quite willing to splurge on himself. After dinner, we went for coffee to catch up on each other. I learnt something while he was relating his experience with his ex. Assurance is a responsibility that both party have to carry to ensure that things will work out in a relationship. This will also enable good communication between the couple. That is what was missing in my previous relationship. But I also guess the responsibilty to assure one another needs to be part of a person's character to do it and can be built up over time. If the person don't feel the sense of such responsibility, doesn't it mean he or she will cause the relationship to fail and who wants a failing relationship? Will the person realise it? At least I did my part.

Finally finished watching the first season of Heroes. There was a scene where Peter said to Simone at the rooftop about death as her dying grandpa was talking to Peter's mum. I find it rather meaningful.

"Death is the one thing that connects us all,

reminds us that what's really important is who we've touched,

and you know, how much we've given.

It makes us realize that we have to be good to one another."

-Peter Petrelli, chapter 24 How to Stop an

Exploding Man, Heroes Season 1

Life is short, play hard and love hard. I have been feeling empty lately and having wierd dreams. I'm hoping for something good to happen to me. I'm just waiting for everything to turn around for me, waiting for that opportunity. I will work hard for my career, improve myself spiritually and mentally and perhaps, meet that special one who is waiting for me somewhere.....

Enjoy this scene from the movie Great Expectations. I suddenly remember this movie and its one of my favourite scenes. Really romantic...:)

Not delving, not yearning....

9 March 2008 6.44pm

Being Selfless

Lj suddenly sme me on Monday, asking whether I want to catch this movie called "Away from Her" with him. He seldom asks me for movies so I thought why not.....the movie must be something to have caught his interest.

The movie is about a elderly couple (fiona and grant) who have been happily married for 44 years until the wife (fiona) suffered from Alzheimer's disease and to admit to a nursing home. She slowly loses her memory of her husband and fell in love with another patient (aubrey) at the home. There were several sad moments in the movie especially when Grant realised that Fiona likes someone else instead and couldn't remember much of their relationship. It was very hard for him to accept. Then aubrey's wife got him out of the nursing home to stay home instead and Fiona became very depressed as she couldn't see aubrey. Seeing Fiona deteriorating, Grant actually went to look for Aubrey's wife to persuade her to bring Aubrey back to the nursing home so that Fiona can see him. Grant rather see Fiona happy with Aubrey than to see her condition worsen. It was really selfless of Grant to do that. There was a scene where a nurse at the home asked Grant whether he rather be the one who stays at the home or the one who leaves the home. That is, whether he would choose to be inflicted with the disease or be the love one seeing the inflcited partner slowly going away......its sad but either choice will still be as painful. I'm not sure which role I would choose but for me, it is unbearable to see the one I love to forget what we once had before.....

Yesterday I went to my financial planner's company for their career seminar talk. Nope, don't think I will ever go into this line. But as my planner seemed sincere to invite me, I just went there to listen. Sometimes, I don't understand why they choose this line which does not gurantee a stable income every month but they seem really happy with what they are doing. The emcee mentioned a phrase from Confucius that say something like "Find a job that you love and you will not need to work a single day". How true..I am still trying hard to find the job that I love......

Met wj for a while after the seminar. He has been in low spirits lately so I was trying to talk to him to move on and do some things for himself. My friend, please pick yourself up. You should concentrate on your studies now and improve your well-being. Cheer up! :)

Work is so boring these days....Have a good mid-week......

20 Feb 2008 9.46pm

Post Concert Syndrome

Concert is already over.....but el camino real still played over and over again inside my head over the weekend....oh no......

Slept till about 1130am on sat and did a bit of house chores. I was kind stoning the whole day.....still felt a bit tired form the concert night before. Met lj to watch Sweeny Todd. Its Johnny Depp, so I definitely had to watch it. Its a musical and its also the first time I heard Johnny Depp sing. And he's good. Overall the movie is not bad and the melodies are nice but lj felt that the lyrics are too simple and have no depth in it. I love the song "I love Joanna". I'll steal you.....Joanna....I'll feel you.....Joannna.

After the movie, we went to bugis to meet the rest of the gang to have steamboat. There are 3 Chong Qing steamboat restaurants there and zz got confused with the actual restaurant where she made the reservation. But anyway we got the right place in the end....our reservation got overlooked. We had to wait but the spot that we got was cooling and not so crowded so it was ok.

rl got us some tidbits that she bought in Netherlands which was real yummy. I saw ys and ali while we were eating. Both of them were also symphonian players in my batch. They happened to pass by and we chatted for a while. Its been a long time since I last saw my uni friends....I was dead tired when I got home...and went to bed soon after.

As usual, woke up this morning and went for bodycombat class. I wished my instructor happy new year and he seemed quite surprised when i approached him. The smile on his face was so funny....I have attending his class for 2 years or so but have never really spoke to each other. I guess he recognise me as one of the regulars in the class. And he's quite a looker... : P

Met Suz in the afternoon at woodlands as she invited me to her church service. Nope, I'm not converting to a christian but suz said her pastor talks about interesting topics that are inspirational and thought it could help me. So I just went to listen...to find out for myself.... Today, the pastor was talking about the evolution of the universe. That God created them all and science do not fully explain how the universe was created. Some of the points made sense, some were quite puzzling to me which I couldn't understand. suz said today's topic is a bit boring. Pobably I will attend another service where the topic is more interesting. Also had a long chat with suz.....sometimes I'm glad my friends are here for me.

Tidied up my room a bit today....not looking forward to Chinese New Year. The only attractive part is that it will be a holiday!



3 Feb 2008 10.41pm

It never rains but it pours......

My dept went out for a media blitz on thurs and fri. In the process of preparing the goodies hamper, a lot of things didn't go well. In a way, my dept seems to become a "hate" target to the other depts. The blitz on thurs went ok.......think "ok" is an understatement.

Friday was worse. There was a last minute photoshoot and my boss told us that we had to leave later than planned. When we finally left office it was 4pm plus. We left first to load the items at receiver's end first and waited for my boss to come. By then, it was like 4.45pm and we had a long list of people to give out the goodies to. Luckily, mu boss called majority of the journalists to meet downstairs to receive the goodies. We finished about 6pm, pretty late already and I want to rush back to office to send out an urgent email. But my boss actually wanted to meet this journalist for a drink and me and my colleagues had no choice but to follow. Reached office about 7 plus and I quickly sent out my email and left for band practice. I thought I was late but turned out my conductor was sick so the band played the entire repertoire on our own by listening for practice. It was such a sucky day. I really don't like my job. The working relationship in my dept sucks. The company sucks.

When practice ended, I hanged around and they prepared a birthday cake for the January babies. It was a chocolate banana cake from Secret Recipe, really yummy. So for those of you who are looking for a nice birthday cake, consider this one from secret recipe. Chatted for a while with Da as we ate our cake. The way he talks is always in a humorous and joking manner. Seems like a happy-go-lucky person.....Hanged around bandroom for a longer while until everyone finally bothered to leave. We went to Alps Cafe for a drink (because I wanted to...haha). We ordered white wine and some food. This time, I did eat. Tim asked me a funny question, like whether i will like someone who is shorter than me. Which I think is impossible because I am already very short.........and do I want to get married by the age of 30. Yes, I want to get married by the age of 30.....funny questions...and he said at my wedding the band or a small ensemble could play something for me, but not el camino real. And I told him I would probably set aside 5 tables for symphonia....Craps! too much wine.....

I got drunk again this time......sigh....I have a low tolerance for alcohol. I get drunk most of the time (like 9 out of 10 times whenever I go clubbing or drinking) and would need assistance to get me home.....haha...so as we left Alps Cafe, I was feeling drunk already....walked around outside the cafe as the others were deciding whether to go home or go somewhere....I took a few sips of water, breathed deeply hoping to feel better...but it didnt and I sat down at the table. Lulu thought I was feeling sian.....the guys came over and told me to go home, saying after concert is over, we will go cheong.....so I said ok.....stood up, walked a few steps and I knew it. Turned around to look at mel and told him I need to leave immediately. Sy came to joined us and we took the cab. I was feeling terrible and threw up in the cab into a plastic bag. Luckily mel and sy were with me. Sorry guys, I troubled you both again.....

Had a hangover till the next day.....I was feeling tired and had a throbbing head. But I still went out as I didn't want to stay home. Met Yh and 3sa for movie....Assasination of Jesse James is a really slow movie........zzzzzzz......

After the movie, we headed to the temple. I offered some jossticks and then went in to draw a lot. I couldn't remember the exact rules but I only managed to get a lot on the 5th attempt. So I'm not sure if this is accurate. First 3 attempts, the pair of red disk landed on the same side so the lot doesn't count. The 4th attempt, 2 lots dropped out so I think this doesn't count either. Finally got a lot on the 5th try. Well its a bad lot. I guessed when you are down on your luck, everything goes wrong. Basically the lot says that whatever ways I try, I will end up in a dead end. Also some misfortune might befall on me and my family. Of cos I take all these with a pinch of salt. It might mean something else so my gut feel tells me to just act more cautiously for the next few months, especially in my career. The gals told me not to think too much but somehow, its like a sign to me. I keep feeling uneasy these days.....hope I am wrong.

Lj arrived shortly after we left the temple. As we crossed over to Bugis Junction, I saw a huge group of people waiting in the middle of the road for the opposite traffic light to turn green. I guess everyone knows the traffic light between Bugis Junction and Bugis Pasar Malam. So when there are a LOT of people crossing this road, a huge chunk will get jammed in the middle as they wait for the opposite traffic light. And because there are barricades, people can't cross freely over. Terrible traffic design. We gave up waiting and walked along the grassy pavement to the other traffic light that crosses to California Fitness. LTA should do something to that traffic light because when its very crowded (esp weekends and its CNY shopping period), lots of people will just get stuck in the middle.

We went to starbucks for a drink and 3sa met her ex there and started to get gan cheong as her bf will be coming later. We kept assuring her that it is nothing and she need not feel bad.so funny....I passed the concert stall ticket to lj and only know later that yh and the others bought circle seats. Ooops....think I will try to make a swop for him on concert day....

Yh and I then went to meet suz and YA for dinner at NYDC. i have not ate there for a long time and noticed that their menu do not have meat main course. Its mostly pastas, pizzas, sandwiches and desserts. We actually sat there till about 11pm. Yh and suz had this sell your friend application on Facebook. Sounded so interesting....think I will go check it out. But only after I clean up my facebook. Got too many applications and its really really slow.....or maybe its my computer that is slow......duh....





5 days to Ay Caramba


1 Feb Victoria Concert Hall 7.30pm


27 Jan 2007 5.35pm

I wish I could read people's mind

Friday started off pretty standard. Usual problems at work.....my boss didn't inform us of an event the evening before. Ended up the important pple asked where we were, why no one was present to take pictures and they mentioned they informed my boss personally. Me and my colleagues were like ????? Later during the day, my boss had a talk with my colleague behind closed door. Later on, I was told by my colleague not to ask her any questions if I need help or information but to go to my colleagues instead. Never ask my boss 'cos she is busy. What is the hell is that!! I really don't get it why she can't tell me things face-too-face but uses a send-the-messenger method. Sigh....si beh sianz......(hokkien phrase,a chinese dialect. usually to describe a sitaution whereby a person feels very frustrated or upset about)

As usual, I went for band practice and was late cos practice started at 7pm. I arrived about 715pm. For the past week or so, there was an Australian conductor who conducted the band for el camino real every practice. He is a friend of my conductor. After practice that night, cher and I went to Ice COld Beer for a drink. The Australian conductor commented that I played better for the el camino real solo during practice earlier. I was encourage by that comment but told them I was only covering for Jo as he couldn't make it for practice. My conductor said I should play. Hmm....not sure if I should ask Jo about this......

Anyway, earlier as we were walking to Ice Cold Beer through concourse, cher showed us the various new displays that the current Arts Fest committee put up through campus for the Arts Fest in school. The theme was called nonsense. So cher showed us this cubicle inside the guy's toilet that was decorated like a doorway to a house. There was a fence at the cubicle entrance and homely things that decorated the inside, including the toilet bowl. So cool and cute! haha.....then we went to the handicapped toilet next to 7-eleven that was done up in a retro theme, with neon disco lights dancing on the wall and retro music being played loudly. You can hear the music as you approached the toilet. So interesting! I miss those days in school....so glad to see my university being so vibrant and exciting as ever. This Arts Fest is really interesting. Our concert is the closing event so we have to put up a good show. Ed mentioned at band prac earlier that the concert will be recorded live and if it is good enough, we will use the recording to audtion for World Music Contest in 2009. So i might go to europe next year....:)

And so we chilled at Ice COld Beer. Me and cher catched up on gossips and on each other....had random chats with the Austratlian conductor. We stayed till 1 plus am...mel and sy actually bothered to come over after eating tau huay (soya beancurd dessert) so that they can share cab with me to go home.....so nice of them. cher had to go to the hospital as her grandma was sick....cher i hope your grandma is doing ok.

I watched Cloverfield yesterday. I enjoyed it, although the ending was abrupt. Besides the much talked about Monster, the whole story also revolved around love and friendship, what people are willing to do for each other during times of crisis to save their love ones. The ending part was really touching but I shall not give away too much here. Go watch it..:)

ZZ and I were supposed to meet jy and gang for supper but it was cancelled in the end. So the two of us just hanged around town, had a chat in macdonalds. ZZ works in a relic temple organization and she was telling me some things about buddhism. Many people often go to the temple to pray for something and hope the deities will fufil their wish. But it doesn't work this way. Its quite difficult to explain here but zz was telling me when we go to a temple to offer our prayers, to wish for something, its more of a search, a process to find the answers yourself.Be at peace with yourself....something like that. It was quite "cheem" (Hokkien word, meaning something is quite profound or too difficult to understand) to me but after several explanations from zz, I kind of understand what she meant.

"To survive in this world, we hold close to us those

people on whom we depend. We trust in them our

hopes, our fears. But what happens

when trust is lost? Where do we run when

things we believe in vanish before our eyes?

When all seems lost,

the future unknowable,

our very existence in peril.......

all we can do is run."

Closing excerpts from Heroes season 1, Chapter 15 Run

Lately I have been feeling kind of lost, like I don't know what I want. My new job is not going that well for me. Band and work is stressful these days....Am I thinking too much? Its time to stop running and face the problem. I want to be happy. I want to do something that I really like. How do you choose between happiness and money?

Just got an sms from cher that her grandma is not doing well.......be strong girl.

Going to cook instant noodles for dinner again....

12 days to Ay Caramba....

20 Jan 2008 7.18pm