Sleep Deprived........

I am seriously in need of rest.

I have not been sleeping enough lately. And this has caused me to have another bout of pimple breakout. Sigh.....

Work on Monday was "as usual". The usual requests, naggings, irritating things and also preparations for upcoming stuff....I was looking forward to the end of the day...cos I rather go for band practice....

But I couldn't concentrate during practice'cos I was so tired. Instead of practising at my uni, my conductor wanted us to go to one of his sec sch hall to practice and project our sound out. And the school is situated freaking far at the east side of the island......I feel that the fatigue has set in on everyone. We could play better but everyone seemed tired and frustrated on coming so far for the practice, espcially the exco. They seem stressed out.

During the bus journey to the sec sch, cher showed me an interesting thing she received. I was so surprised to see it.

After looking through, I think to myself that it is always possible to have an unexpected turn of events.

Practice ended around 10pm but by the time we left school, it was almost 11pm. Sy abandoned us to go back with aud as her dad came to fetch her. So mel and I left together. Mer tried to persuade to go for supper but I was dead tired liao. Luckily mel's mum came to fetch us home. :)

The next morning at work, my boss didn't turn up at all and smsed me to attend the morning meeting. Arrggh! And she only turned up in the afternoon when we left for our last round of goodies giveaway. She was late as usual and irritated me with her instructions. I wonder how long I can tolerate all these.....

Right after we came back from the giveaway, I tried to settle some stuff in the office and quickly left for practice. My conductor was quite unhappy as majority of the french horn and saxophone section did not turn up and we couldn't rehearse the important pieces (el camino real and second suite). Had no choice but to do it tomorrow at our final rehearsal. Hopefully everything wil turn out fine.....

Cher drove us home and couldn't find the correct expressway. Helped her to read the map and realised I am lousy at this....seriously need traning on road map reading and driving!Hahah.....

The office is very peaceful today 'cos my boss went on leave till tomorrow. It was heaven.......my GM chaired the promotion meeting today as my boss is not around. I was a bit worried that I might get shot at by the other depts for some A&P matters but luckily the meeting went well..:)

Read in the papers this morning that ticket prices at Cathay cinema will increase to $10.50 on weekends for blockbusters. Sigh....This means higher likelihood of going broke since I like to watch movies.....And then heard on the news just now that there will be more ERP gantries.....sigh...things are getting so expensive these days....its getting more difficult to survive in Singapore.

Tomorrow is the last rehearsal to concert. Need to focus on this one. And when everything is over, its hello to dreamland.....

2 days to Ay Caramba....

30 Jan 2008 9.50pm

It never rains but it pours......

My dept went out for a media blitz on thurs and fri. In the process of preparing the goodies hamper, a lot of things didn't go well. In a way, my dept seems to become a "hate" target to the other depts. The blitz on thurs went ok.......think "ok" is an understatement.

Friday was worse. There was a last minute photoshoot and my boss told us that we had to leave later than planned. When we finally left office it was 4pm plus. We left first to load the items at receiver's end first and waited for my boss to come. By then, it was like 4.45pm and we had a long list of people to give out the goodies to. Luckily, mu boss called majority of the journalists to meet downstairs to receive the goodies. We finished about 6pm, pretty late already and I want to rush back to office to send out an urgent email. But my boss actually wanted to meet this journalist for a drink and me and my colleagues had no choice but to follow. Reached office about 7 plus and I quickly sent out my email and left for band practice. I thought I was late but turned out my conductor was sick so the band played the entire repertoire on our own by listening for practice. It was such a sucky day. I really don't like my job. The working relationship in my dept sucks. The company sucks.

When practice ended, I hanged around and they prepared a birthday cake for the January babies. It was a chocolate banana cake from Secret Recipe, really yummy. So for those of you who are looking for a nice birthday cake, consider this one from secret recipe. Chatted for a while with Da as we ate our cake. The way he talks is always in a humorous and joking manner. Seems like a happy-go-lucky person.....Hanged around bandroom for a longer while until everyone finally bothered to leave. We went to Alps Cafe for a drink (because I wanted to...haha). We ordered white wine and some food. This time, I did eat. Tim asked me a funny question, like whether i will like someone who is shorter than me. Which I think is impossible because I am already very short.........and do I want to get married by the age of 30. Yes, I want to get married by the age of 30.....funny questions...and he said at my wedding the band or a small ensemble could play something for me, but not el camino real. And I told him I would probably set aside 5 tables for symphonia....Craps! too much wine.....

I got drunk again this time......sigh....I have a low tolerance for alcohol. I get drunk most of the time (like 9 out of 10 times whenever I go clubbing or drinking) and would need assistance to get me home.....haha...so as we left Alps Cafe, I was feeling drunk already....walked around outside the cafe as the others were deciding whether to go home or go somewhere....I took a few sips of water, breathed deeply hoping to feel better...but it didnt and I sat down at the table. Lulu thought I was feeling sian.....the guys came over and told me to go home, saying after concert is over, we will go cheong.....so I said ok.....stood up, walked a few steps and I knew it. Turned around to look at mel and told him I need to leave immediately. Sy came to joined us and we took the cab. I was feeling terrible and threw up in the cab into a plastic bag. Luckily mel and sy were with me. Sorry guys, I troubled you both again.....

Had a hangover till the next day.....I was feeling tired and had a throbbing head. But I still went out as I didn't want to stay home. Met Yh and 3sa for movie....Assasination of Jesse James is a really slow movie........zzzzzzz......

After the movie, we headed to the temple. I offered some jossticks and then went in to draw a lot. I couldn't remember the exact rules but I only managed to get a lot on the 5th attempt. So I'm not sure if this is accurate. First 3 attempts, the pair of red disk landed on the same side so the lot doesn't count. The 4th attempt, 2 lots dropped out so I think this doesn't count either. Finally got a lot on the 5th try. Well its a bad lot. I guessed when you are down on your luck, everything goes wrong. Basically the lot says that whatever ways I try, I will end up in a dead end. Also some misfortune might befall on me and my family. Of cos I take all these with a pinch of salt. It might mean something else so my gut feel tells me to just act more cautiously for the next few months, especially in my career. The gals told me not to think too much but somehow, its like a sign to me. I keep feeling uneasy these days.....hope I am wrong.

Lj arrived shortly after we left the temple. As we crossed over to Bugis Junction, I saw a huge group of people waiting in the middle of the road for the opposite traffic light to turn green. I guess everyone knows the traffic light between Bugis Junction and Bugis Pasar Malam. So when there are a LOT of people crossing this road, a huge chunk will get jammed in the middle as they wait for the opposite traffic light. And because there are barricades, people can't cross freely over. Terrible traffic design. We gave up waiting and walked along the grassy pavement to the other traffic light that crosses to California Fitness. LTA should do something to that traffic light because when its very crowded (esp weekends and its CNY shopping period), lots of people will just get stuck in the middle.

We went to starbucks for a drink and 3sa met her ex there and started to get gan cheong as her bf will be coming later. We kept assuring her that it is nothing and she need not feel bad.so funny....I passed the concert stall ticket to lj and only know later that yh and the others bought circle seats. Ooops....think I will try to make a swop for him on concert day....

Yh and I then went to meet suz and YA for dinner at NYDC. i have not ate there for a long time and noticed that their menu do not have meat main course. Its mostly pastas, pizzas, sandwiches and desserts. We actually sat there till about 11pm. Yh and suz had this sell your friend application on Facebook. Sounded so interesting....think I will go check it out. But only after I clean up my facebook. Got too many applications and its really really slow.....or maybe its my computer that is slow......duh....





5 days to Ay Caramba


1 Feb Victoria Concert Hall 7.30pm


27 Jan 2007 5.35pm

Things happen when U least expect it

So tired.........

I am so tired of complaining about my boss. She did it again today. As usual, giving vague instructions, expecting us to understand what she wants and then blame us when things went wrong. She assumes a lot of things. I think all the other depts in my company hate my dept now because of her "assumptions".

But then again, I started to think whether there is anything wrong with me. I had an unexpected meeting today. I called it unexpected because I thought I would never meet this person. And after the meeting, I thought to myself what I have been doing for the past 2 years since I graduated. Am I expecting too much out of my life, my career and my relationship with my family and friends?

WorK. Well this is my 4th job now. Came into this job because I wanted more challenges and a higher pay. Think it was a peer pressure because my fellow school friends (esp those in the finance and accountany major) were being paid higher than me. Being a fresh marketing major graduate with so-so results do not get paid that well back then. But I managed to find a job. Pay sucks but at least I was not starving. Now I got a bettter paying job but the working relationship sucks. The communication process sucks. But then again, am I doing anything to improve the situation or am I running away? I am starting to think that maybe I have been running away from all the problems and not sucking it up and stick through it that made me unhappy. And then came the decision to change job. But then again, when do you come to a point and know that the job just doesn't suit you and whatever you do will not improve the situation? And the better choice would be to leave and seek greener pastures. Or am I actually afraid of challenges? Am I being picky at work due to tasks that I am not supposed to do or was taken granted for doing? I think there need to be a balance between real work and redundant work. Not sure if my current pasture is green and sweet. I think I should chew on it and see how it taste like......after a while........tolerence goes a long way I guess....

Relationship with Family and Friends: This one is tough man.......I know who my best buddies and close friends are because they were there for me when I was down (you people know who you are!!!:) ) They offered me wise advice and showed me the direction when I was lost. Relationship with my family is not that close. I may appear nonchalant about them but deep inside, i care about them. Love relationship....I guess I leave it for later......

Life: I think all the above sums up my life. Currently I'm feeling really lost now. I really don't know what to do. I am not sure if I like my job but I think maybe I can try to think less negatively and more positively and try to see if I can do anything to improve the situation. In any workplace there are bound to be problems. Sometimes when we try too hard, we won't get what we want. When we stop trying, things might improve on its own. So I think let nature runs it course. If its meant to be, its meant to be.......

Hopefully I will get to meet up with that unexpected person again. Things might change.......if not, so be it.

Band pracitce for the past two days were ok.....still trying to gel everything together. I need to work harder for el camino real and the other pieces....

9 days to Ay Caramba.......so tired.....band, work, band, work..........I think I'm going to be sick...: (

23 Jan 2008 9.56pm

I wish I could read people's mind

Friday started off pretty standard. Usual problems at work.....my boss didn't inform us of an event the evening before. Ended up the important pple asked where we were, why no one was present to take pictures and they mentioned they informed my boss personally. Me and my colleagues were like ????? Later during the day, my boss had a talk with my colleague behind closed door. Later on, I was told by my colleague not to ask her any questions if I need help or information but to go to my colleagues instead. Never ask my boss 'cos she is busy. What is the hell is that!! I really don't get it why she can't tell me things face-too-face but uses a send-the-messenger method. Sigh....si beh sianz......(hokkien phrase,a chinese dialect. usually to describe a sitaution whereby a person feels very frustrated or upset about)

As usual, I went for band practice and was late cos practice started at 7pm. I arrived about 715pm. For the past week or so, there was an Australian conductor who conducted the band for el camino real every practice. He is a friend of my conductor. After practice that night, cher and I went to Ice COld Beer for a drink. The Australian conductor commented that I played better for the el camino real solo during practice earlier. I was encourage by that comment but told them I was only covering for Jo as he couldn't make it for practice. My conductor said I should play. Hmm....not sure if I should ask Jo about this......

Anyway, earlier as we were walking to Ice Cold Beer through concourse, cher showed us the various new displays that the current Arts Fest committee put up through campus for the Arts Fest in school. The theme was called nonsense. So cher showed us this cubicle inside the guy's toilet that was decorated like a doorway to a house. There was a fence at the cubicle entrance and homely things that decorated the inside, including the toilet bowl. So cool and cute! haha.....then we went to the handicapped toilet next to 7-eleven that was done up in a retro theme, with neon disco lights dancing on the wall and retro music being played loudly. You can hear the music as you approached the toilet. So interesting! I miss those days in school....so glad to see my university being so vibrant and exciting as ever. This Arts Fest is really interesting. Our concert is the closing event so we have to put up a good show. Ed mentioned at band prac earlier that the concert will be recorded live and if it is good enough, we will use the recording to audtion for World Music Contest in 2009. So i might go to europe next year....:)

And so we chilled at Ice COld Beer. Me and cher catched up on gossips and on each other....had random chats with the Austratlian conductor. We stayed till 1 plus am...mel and sy actually bothered to come over after eating tau huay (soya beancurd dessert) so that they can share cab with me to go home.....so nice of them. cher had to go to the hospital as her grandma was sick....cher i hope your grandma is doing ok.

I watched Cloverfield yesterday. I enjoyed it, although the ending was abrupt. Besides the much talked about Monster, the whole story also revolved around love and friendship, what people are willing to do for each other during times of crisis to save their love ones. The ending part was really touching but I shall not give away too much here. Go watch it..:)

ZZ and I were supposed to meet jy and gang for supper but it was cancelled in the end. So the two of us just hanged around town, had a chat in macdonalds. ZZ works in a relic temple organization and she was telling me some things about buddhism. Many people often go to the temple to pray for something and hope the deities will fufil their wish. But it doesn't work this way. Its quite difficult to explain here but zz was telling me when we go to a temple to offer our prayers, to wish for something, its more of a search, a process to find the answers yourself.Be at peace with yourself....something like that. It was quite "cheem" (Hokkien word, meaning something is quite profound or too difficult to understand) to me but after several explanations from zz, I kind of understand what she meant.

"To survive in this world, we hold close to us those

people on whom we depend. We trust in them our

hopes, our fears. But what happens

when trust is lost? Where do we run when

things we believe in vanish before our eyes?

When all seems lost,

the future unknowable,

our very existence in peril.......

all we can do is run."

Closing excerpts from Heroes season 1, Chapter 15 Run

Lately I have been feeling kind of lost, like I don't know what I want. My new job is not going that well for me. Band and work is stressful these days....Am I thinking too much? Its time to stop running and face the problem. I want to be happy. I want to do something that I really like. How do you choose between happiness and money?

Just got an sms from cher that her grandma is not doing well.......be strong girl.

Going to cook instant noodles for dinner again....

12 days to Ay Caramba....

20 Jan 2008 7.18pm

LOST

It has been f**king tiring for the past few days........

Its not just about feeling tired, it was fustrating, irritating and boring.....sigh what have I done to deserve all this?

I was attending my company orientation on mon and tue. so damn boring...you know it, the standard company info.....blah blah blah......made me so sleepy. The orientation ended about 4 plus and I still went back to office to clear a bit of stuff as I know there must be LOTS to do. By then i was so tired already. The emails were never-ending and I couldn't look through all. As usual, my boss expects me to reply this, do that, do this. Someone from another dept came over to print colour copies and i helped her with it. And my boss had to nag at me not to help them but focus on our own work first. For your info, my dept has the only colour copier in the whole company so pple from other depts have to come over to print if they need colour copies. I mean, if you don't help them, they will never get their stuff. of cos if I was busy at that moment, i will tell them to hold on for a while or come back later. but we still have to help them print anyway....sigh....why pick on such minor matters like this. well, that's my boss......

I had band practice on mon so after work, i headed to school. Jo couldn't come for practice so I covered the important parts for el camino real. really stressful to play those parts.....and then it was westside story. my conductor commented my section sounded like a nightmare in "maria". well i know this.....we were tired by then already and our lips just can't go on anymore. when my conductor finished the piece, i started talking to ms about wat to do with "maria", that maybe only jo and i play that section. as i was so engrossed in talking to her, i didn't notice my conductor wanted to talk to the band and told me to shut up and not to behave like a little girl. i was so offended by that, thinking it was unnecssary of him to make that comment. however i knew i was wrong so i still went ahead to apologize. angry...so tired already......finished discussing the problem to ms and i quickly packed up my stuff and went home. what a sucky day at work and practice. :(

The next morning, dragged myself up again and went for day 2 of orientation. boring and draggy as usual. It ended early and i went back to office to see how things are. my colleagues told me that my boss went to them and told them to convey the message to me about not to help other dept pple to print stuff and to check and reply all my emails. that's the other wierd thing about my boss. if there is something she is not happy with, she doesn't speak to you directly. instead she will go through one of us to nag and to tell the other person about it. Seriously, what the heck is this! i believe in personal communication. Having a talk between superior and subordinate to sort things out is the best way to deal with issues. my boss even told my coleagues to tell me that i must always check and reply all my emails by the end of the day. however, she always stays late and the emails that she sent late at night will obviously not be read and replied by us. arrhhgg.......and she also expects us to stay late in the office. Feeling that leaving the office at 6 plus is early.....my goodness, official knock off time is 545pm. Till today, i have never been able to leave on the dot and it has not been a month yet. I feel that I have tried my best to clear as much as possible for the day and some things can be left till the next day to finish up. We could not possibly be at the computer 24/7 to reply her emails....help me.....

Concert is nearing so tue is also a practice day now. After a super frustrating day at work, i still drag myself to practice. When jo arrived, i told him about "maria". And conductor suddenly appeared next to us, facing me and apologized to me for the previous night's incident for chiding me, saying he was being a bitch. I nearly had a heart attack when he said that but quickly recovered and said its ok, that I think we were all too tired and he lost his temper. Then he turned to speak to jo and i saw ed saw what happened. he gave me that look and i started to laugh.....and the flautists saw it too....with that disbelief look on their faces. I have never quite like my conductor and all these years in the band, i know he never quite like me and he never apologises to me whenever he told me off......so that few seconds i was in total shock....well, sometimes things will change. i should really buy 4D for that day or something....sure win! Practice was better than the previous night.....at least something comforting for the day.

Today work was terrible again....sigh..... nearly went crazy.....pple really like to push responsibilities to each other...what's new?

Having lived to an adult age, I still wonder about things that I can't answer myself and also learn something better along the way. I was chatting with razers today. And he told me something which I never really thought deep before and i was just clueless about it. My goodness...where have i been for the past 26 years???? I suddenly forgot about basic human needs.

Trust is something that is difficult to achieve. Because as human beings, our first instinct is to protect ourselves and make sure we are not hurt by anything or anyone or end up in a terrible situation. And because of this, we will definitely hesitate and hold back when it comes to putting your complete trust in a person. No matter how much we want to trust a person, there is certainly a small percentage of doubt simply because we do not want to be exposed to danger or something that would hurt us. *enlightenment* moment again.....it kind of answered some of my questions.....so what do you do in order to trust someone? I guess its all about your gut feel and whether that person has done anything to earn your trust. It really takes two hands to clap. Thanks razers!

So tired.....went running just now......i really just want to sleep and not wake up for work tomorrow......

16 days to Ay Caramba.....

16 Jan 2008 10.07pm

Changes....Change

"When we embrace what lies within, our
potential has no limits.
The future is filled with promise, the
present rife with expectations.
But when we deny our instincts and
struggle with our deepest urges, uncertainty begins.
Where does this path leads? When will
the changes end?
Is this transformation a gift or a curse?
And for those who fear what lies ahead,
the most important question of all: can we ever really change what we are? "
Opening excerpts from the
drama Heroes season 1, Chpt 13 The Fix

I was watching Heroes and heard this opening narrated by Mohinder, a doctor in the show. I find some of these narrations rather meaningful. Like the one above about changes. Can we change who we are in order to achieve what we want?

In life, we often go through changes and situations which we couldn't accept because we cherished it so much that we refuse it let it go. Sometimes I wonder why life is so unpredictable but I guess that's what makes it meaningful? We go through ups and downs, happy and sad times to learn about yourself and your surroundings, to understand why you are in this world and how you can make a difference to this world. I wish things did not change that much for me. I have to partly blame myself for my actions but every action requires a reaction. I can't make everything work on my own. Everyone plays a part. So the changes that I went through for the past year can only be a learning experience for me. It is painful but like what they say, time will heal all wounds. I think I will follow my instincts and see where it leads me to....I just wish things to be peaceful and simple for me this year.

Watched Michale Clayton yesterday. A lot of dialogue so you have to listen closely to follow the plot. Overall its an ok movie. George Clooney is rather mesmerising to watch. He captures your attention whenever he speaks. There was a phrase that caught my attention in the movie. One of the characters said "People are so f**king incomprehensible". So true.....human nature is so difficult to understand. That's why we have conflicts, isn't it? And most of the times, people choose to run away than to face the conflict and resolve it. Becasue they can't accept the truth. I also watched American Gangster as well. This one is good especially you have Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe in it. I'm too free during weekends....so have been watching movies...haha

I'm down to my last few hundred dollars.....so damn broke. Waiting for the end of the month to come soon. This means that I can't buy a lot of things for CNY. Sigh.....I just take each day as it comes....

Its a new week tomorrow.....what's new?

13 Jan 2008 9.46pm

Back to Square One

A necklace from cher.....so thoughtful of her :)


Its been a tiring day....work is still as bad. Its getting stressful and I am trying my best to cope with it. I realise that my boss has a habit of pushing every single task to us, even the simplest thing such as following up on an email where she can get the information herself. sigh....my colleagues are all fed up with her. I'm starting to have that feeling again.....that this might not be the best place to work in....


I broke my the sole on my heels this morning on the train and went to get it mended during lunch. Cost me $8 just to replace a new sole on each heels....so expensive! But I didn't have a choice as my heels were unstable to walk in.

I also worked a bit late today. Trying to rush out the press releases and I want to send them out on monday.

Today's band practice was ok. Jo finally came for practice and I let him play all the important parts and solo for el camino real. Although I would very much like to play the parts myself, i learnt to let it go and let someone else who is better than me to play. I think its time to realise that I should let the better player take the part and not just always trying to prove to other people that i am a good player. Its disappointing but I have to learn to step back. Priority is to perform a good concert and not about me playing a solo or anything. But if the situation arise whereby I have to step in, I will step up and play the important parts and solo. Hopefully I can go back to the peak form that i was at during the national band competition back then. After practice, we decided that Jo take el camino real and i take the important parts for second suite. Time to buck up for concert... L and MS have been hardowrking lately and I can see it. They just need time to pick up and lead the section.

After practice, went for supper with my symphonian gang and took the last train home. Cher started talking excitedly about the cd she purchased today. hearing my current symphonians who are still in school talking about daily school life felt nostalgic to me. Made me think about the time when symphonia just started...that was during year 2. haha.....those were the days....

Its been a year since the last concert.....how time flies....

20 days to Ay Caramba....its crunch time!!

12 Jan 2008 2.33am

People can be so difficult

I wish I had an aquarium like that....haah....

Well another day to get to know my boss better. I wonder what she does in the office since she forwards all the work to me and my colleagues. A bit difficult to work with her. She nags a lot and expects lots of support from us. However, i believe more in teamwork. She cannot expect all of us to do her work. Not an easy environment to work in but I am going to try my best.

I went to see my financial planner today. Her new office was fantastic. It felt like a cosy cafe when I walked in. So warm and welcoming......Her colleague even brought me tea and guess what, her colleague actually bought back bak kut teh from Balestier and we ate it in her office...haha...yum!

Sometimes I feel that Singaporeans have no sense of people's space privacy. I was on the train this morning. As usual it was very crowded. This auntie boarded the train and stood near me. She took out her newspaper to read and opened the huge pages as if the people in front of her, including myself, were invisible. Her paper was brushing against me and then she moved to my back and her paper brushed against my back, as if I was her table. I was so pissed off that I glared at her and gave a slight push at the papers just before I got off the train and then she noticed I was annoyed. Sigh...some people are just so oblivious to other people's need for space. Be considerate and dun read the Straits Times during jam-packed peak hour morning train. Today and My Paper, magazines and books are quite acceptable. Most importantly, respect other people's need for space. It can be very irritating to have papers and hands brushing against you....:S

Its friday liao.....ending of another week soon....buenas noches!

11 Jan 2008 12.07am

Shrunk?

3rd week into my new job......

I was trying to get my work done on on mon but got interrupted by numerous other things. I was so frustrated that at the end of the day, I didn't really get anything completed. sigh.....things are just so hectic around my office. i really need time to get used to it and try to do my best.

Although it was a tiring day, I still went for band practice and managed to meet cher and the others for dinner. Mon's practice was different. My conductor made an arrangement for an Australian band to come and have an exchange with us. They are not as good as us but they are also passonate players. The whole session was fun and we got to play a few pieces together and also heard them play as well. When it was our turn to play, one of the aust players asked whether we enjoy playing music. erm......there was a pause when she asked them. Personally, I do enjoy playing music and that is why I am still in the band scene. However, as a person who has went through the singapore education system, sometimes i feel that we are not really enjoying the music. For my generation, it was more like a kiasu syndrome. Being a band member in school or even for any other CCA, we don't seem to be as passionate in whatever we do because we were doing it for the sake of performing well. I have friends who were in band with me back in sec sch or poly and some of them are just play music without any feelings. To them its just a cca. With passion, everything will just come naturally. and I wish that next time someone when someone asked that same question, I hope everyone will say "yes" without hesitating.

Yesterday was another bad day at work. In the end, my boss asked my assistant to help me with press release as she is more familiar with the format and I felt so bad.

I went for band practice anyway despite feeling down. Met cher and ei and for dinner. Only me and L were present in my section. I was still feeling a bit pissed with him. He insisted on playing the important parts in el camino real. That really upset me even more. He did improve over the months but never once have I heard him reach a high F comfortably. That is why I am having doubts over him playing the parts but he don't seem to realise it, thinking he is doing fine and will do well with time. Problem is, we don't have time. Lately I realised that the best player or the next better player should play the solo in order to put up a good performace and not necessarily to prove that you can do it.

During break time, ed came over and said that i seemed to have shrunk, meaning that I lost weight. Well, a lot of people have been telling me that lately. When I went for my medical check up two weeks ago, i weighed at 48kg. I have not been below the 50 mark for the past 12 years. Not sure if this is a good thing.....

Poured my heart out to cher after practice as the whole day has been so sucky and I started thinking again. sigh......I need to be stronger. And then it rained heavily. spent money to take cab back...arrgh!

Today was a better day. I managed to finish some work at the office and finally sent the newsletter to print. Yeah!

22 days to Ay Caramba.....

9 Jan 2008 10.00pm

Dwelling......

I was on the train this morning. There was an elderly man who sat opposite me. His hand was carrying a plastic bag of takeaways. He is quite old, full head of grey hair and looked bored and tired. He reminded me of my dad, who is looking tired these days due to work. He is very old already but still works to earn some income for the family and also to kill time. Seeing him like that does make me feel bad sometimes. Especially since he hurt his right foot.

A year ago, he fractured his right foot at work while climbing a slppery ladder to get his stuff. He fell. I even remembered the date. It was new year's eve eve 30 Dec 06. I even remembered I was at Vicocity that day with my friends to catch a movie. We finished dinner then headed to a cafe for drinks. While i was queueing at the counter, i saw a missed call from my dad. called him and he told me in a weak voice that he is heading to the hospital in an ambulance, saying he broke his leg. he told me not to worry and call back later. i was just shocked and too stunned for words and i just said ok, hung up and stood there not knowing what to do. i msg my brother and he rushed down to a&e. i was still feeling stunned, thinking maybe its was not that bad. my friends saw the worried look on my face as we sat at our table and assured me that it will be ok and whether i need to leave soon.

after stoning for a while, we left and i headed to the hospital. the doctor said the fracture is quite complicated and requires surgery and must be hospitalised. my bro and i arranged for him to be stayed in and got stressed up over which ward to stay and if we stay at the higher category, need to pay an expensive deposit first. in the end, he stayed at a cheaper class so that we have some time to decide whether to switch wards later. it was very late already. i was tired and also sad to see him in great pain.

a few days later, he went for the surgery and stayed there for about 2 weeks in total. throughout that 2 weeks, we took turns to visit him to keep him company and bring food and some entertainment for him. i was actually concerned about him at that time. i was never close to my dad but when the accident happened, i actually bothered to travel all the way from woodlands ( my workplace at that time) to outram after work just to keep him company for an hour and so till he is about to sleep and then go home. although he said it was not necessary to vist him since my mum visits him almost everyday but i wanted to. after he got discharged, he required a lot of assistance at home. every morning i will prepare a simple breakfast for him, helped him get washed, give him his breakfast and medicine, get ready for work and then leave home for office. and this routine continued for about a few months. as everyone was out at work, there is no one at home. sometime i will worry about him at the office. That was a stressful period for me. besides my dad, i had to handle work and band practices as a concert was coming then. tiring....sigh....well, that was a year ago. his foot is better now but walks with a limp and complains of aches and pains during rainy days. sometimes when he is feeling unwell or is experiencing pain in his foot again, i feel helpless as i don't know to help him. i hope things will get better in my family. i should really cherish my parents as they have taken care of me all these years.

i met up with yh, 3sa and kel yesterday in town. kel bought us esprit bags from his hk trip. so sweet of him! thank you kel!! i got mine in a dark orange colour. as usual, kel was late so yh, 3sa and i went to coffee club first and we chatted about work, relationships and stuff. 3sa said a relationship must have assurance or a sense of security from each other. a relationship where either party don't require any security or assurance is fake or if one party don't give any assurance, the relationship will not work out as this is an essential aspect. its like either party don't feel anything or treasure his or her partner at all if both don't require any form of assurance from each other. *enlightenment* how true.....i am the oldest among them but sometimes i am so impressed at how much these girlfriends of mine can teach me when it comes to relationship woes. Gals, i really don't know what to do without u all!

we left town and i headed to js's dessert shop at potong pasir. he started the business with a few of his friends a few months back. i waited for gm, jx and xh to try the desserts. its not bad. being the only dessert shop in the estate, i hope that his business will do well!

the whole group of us went to zq's concert at nafa and then we had steamboat for supper. i was pretty quiet during the train ride home, feeling quite tired. as js and i walked home, he mentioned that the past year has been difficult for him because he gave up his permanent job for the business. i also agreed with him. the past year was not that smooth for me but i must say there were plenty of sweet memories as well. and i said to js that i hope this year will be a better year for everyone. :) be determine in everything you do and things will go your way....

"We are, if anything, creatures of habit,

drawn to the safety and comfort of the familiar.

But what happens when the familiar becomes unsafe?

When the fear that we have been desperately trying

to avoid finds us where we live?"

Opening excerpts from the drama Heroes (season 1, episode 9 Homecoming)

Yes, the fear has found me. But i am fighting it and I will win. I will find familiarity again. and its happening soon.....

6 Jan 2008 10.43pm

Different Expectations

Another week is ending.....

Didn't do much on New YEar's Day. Met my galfriend for a while at Causeway Point with her friend. We went to the games arcade and played some stuff there. The feeling was nostalgic as I have not been in an arcade for quite a few years and it reminded me of some happy memories. I even tried playing Daytona which I think was the second time I ever played in my whole life. I'm not good at this but I must say it was fun. Went on auto mode as i wasn't familiar with manual. I realised that i always come in last when i play car racing games. Reminded me of the days back in poly when an ex of mine loves to play Daytona back then. Playing this made me want to "refresh" my driving skills again. Got my licence in 2004 but didnt drive since then. I'm the typical girl who gets gan cheong when driving....maybe a new year resolution is to be confident and start driving....probably got to be nicer to my bro so that he will lend me his car.....anyone wants to teach me driving? " , wat is the most effective way to go back to driving again? how?
Went back to work the next day. However the day did not start off well as i met problems with my email and computer. i was so frustrated as i couldn't seem to get my work done. In addition, my boss seems to expect me to know things with just a snap of the finger. I understand that things are hectic around here and i want to learn fast but being in a much challenging environment after floating around for the past 8-9 months certainly has its difficulties. i just hope she realise that i need time to adjust and bounce back. luckily i have an understanding colleagues who is so helpful to me.

After work that day, i headed to my uni for band practice. it was band camp for the past 3 days which started on wed. my conductor went through el camino real, a piece which i have fond memories of during my poly band days as i played the important solo parts during my final year concert. one of my section mates wanted to play the solo and other cue parts but i felt that he is not ready yet as he still need lots of work. but he don't seem to realise it and i got irritated. i am not that fantastic myself. i need to practice as i am not at my peak like i was before (especially during the national band competition) . but seeing him feeling so good about himself and not being realistic and humble enough just turns me off. i told ms my frustration. definitely we have different views and goals in our section. we don't play and sound together. the concert is so near and i am getting worried. especially bad as i'm working and i can't put in as much time as i want to practice. the feeling of having someone who learnt the instrument for a year telling you (with an experience of over 10 years of playing) to play the notes at the accurate length seems inappropraite to me....in a way....a bit offending.....although i agree i make mistakes when i play. anyway, i am going to try my best to put this section together for the concert.

Last night I attended hh's wedding at Sheraton Towers. The food is really good, one of the nicest that i have ever eaten at wedding dinners. hh was beautiful in her wedding dress. most importantly, she looked happy. i wonder if i will ever feel happy just like her. i also got to catch up with lc, don and the others. chatting and taking photos with them brought back the feelings of poly days again.....time really flies.....oh i got to see jy wearing a dress for the first time! So pretty!

Had dinner earlier at TCC. i tried their beef and spaghetti gratin. it taste nice but i got tired or gelat of it after a few bites as i find the taste too overpowering. or maybe because i had a creamy soup before the gratin....hmmm....

New year resolutions....it difficult to keep to it when you purposely want to do it. for now, i just want to look forward to the future. never ever look back.

5 Jan 2008 12.08am

Mi

The posts that are listed below are what I have written previously in my friendster blog and I transferred them over.

Spent new year's eve with my friends at a ktv. They are all my sec sch band friends. Yup we have known each other for a long time. The ktv session was fun, especially the photo taking part. It was so funny and it has been a long time since we took photos of our outings. The bill came up to $222!!!!! So that was about $30 per person. I dun get it why its so damn expensive but its something we can't choose. Its new year's eve...ke ching!!

After ktv, we headed to a beancurd stall near Chong Pang and countdown over tau huay and you tiao. The tau huay is so so.......at least the you tiao is freshly deep-fried. We stayed and chatted till 1plus and reminicsed over the sec sch days......

my friend even called up my sec sch conductor to wish him happy new year! so we just took turn to wish him on the phone, saying we will catch up over dinner. Except for gm who didnt want to say anything to him as he wasn't that close to him.

Everyone got a bit tired so we headed home, saying we will meet on sat for zq's concert.

Happy New Year!?

1 Jan 2008 12.21pm

Have U ever thought of it?

I had a bad dream the previous night. It was really wierd but I dreamt that my mum passed away. TOUCHWOOD! In the dream, my friends were with my mum in a car and went to a place where there were firecrackers. I can't remember how she was hurt and I didn't get to see it at all but the next thing was my friend telling me my mum and another friend were dead. All i remembered was the pain i felt in my heart when i heard that. i just couldn't believe it but of course, its a dream. when i opened my eyes, i could still remember the dream. so surreal....but then again, as in every passage of life, we have to leave this world one day. sometimes i do wonder what i will do or how i'm going to handle it if that day ever comes. i may not be close to my parents but i still love them. its a strange relationship with my family. after all, they brought me up and i want to take care of them. Sometimes I do wonder how it feels to die.

I watched My Blueberry Nights yesterday. The reviews for the movie was not fantastic but I find it engaging, heartwarming and touching. I found I could relate to the whole story in the movie, especially the leading female character. Sometimes, to be let go might hurt more than you imagined. Also, never take your love ones for granted. Cherish them and make every single day count. you will never know when they might leave.

my friend commented that the pay i got for my new job seems a bit low. well it was my expected pay. although its lower compared to my other friends who are also doing marketing, i didn't ask for a higher amount as i feel that i am not that well experienced yet. i don't like to disappoint people in my work performance so i guess the pay that i am getting now could justify my experience. i will definitely earn more as i work longer. right now, its more important that i learn in my job.

The new year is coming. 2007 has been bittersweet for me. Yup, i did learn a lot this year but i did wish things have turn out differently. Made a wrong move in my career and with the new job, i hope it will be a good decesion. I also lost a friend this year and i will always remember him as the most "on" sym player ever. So when i look at the flute section, missing of that piccolo, i will always be reminded of him. Life is so fragile, so are relationships. Thank you to all those who stood by me. i'm grateful for it.

30 Dec 2007 8.54pm

Balancing on New Heels

Christmas was a simple affair this year. No overnight mahjongs or hanging out till late. I met up with my ex-colleague for a movie and then headed to my sec sch fren's place for a bbq dinner. As i didn't feel like going anywhere, i went home after the dinner and my christmas eve was spent sleeping at home. On christmas day, had dinner with a poly fren and he showed me his makeover portfolio that he shot. must say he looked good in it.
Boxing day was my first day of work at my new company. My new colleagues in my dept are nice and seem to be cooperative and responsible people whom i can work with. it was a blur of faces and names as i was introduced to many people. it will take time for me to get to know everyone. my email was not up yet so i spent the day leisurely by getting to know how things work around here and i find that to get a task done, there are standard procedures to follow, even for the simplest item that is required. to have my email set up, i need to submit a request form, signed by my director and the fc and it was only near the end of today that the form was signed and the IT guy only came much later to set up my account. when i left the office today, my email as still not up. hopefully the IT guy will continue with the setup early tomorrow morning so that i can quickly get down to work. it has been frustrating these two days to have no email and i felt handicapped as i could not do much. there are lots to be done.....i am glad we have a hardworking assistant in our dept and she helped me a lot by telling and showing me what things to do and how to do it.
went for a boxing day dinner gathering for symphonia after work yesterday. i was glad to see y and we catch up on wat's going on lately with each other. his advice and questions to me made me went blank for a moment. i didn't know how to answer his questions and he said something is not right if i dun know what i want before i take any actions. he is probably right. i am still unsure of what i want. i still dun know how to answer the question. almost everyone left for zouk after the dinner and a bunch of us stayed on for a chat with my conductor. he asked my fren a question where would he see himself 20 years from now. seriously i am not sure what i will be 20 years from now. career wise, i want to be a successful manager in a job that i love, which i am working on it right now. i believe i'm on the right track. as for relationship, its a blur. i am not sure where i am.
as i walked to my office this morning, i saw a long queue outside isetan scotts. they have a private sale today and the queue stretched up to the thai embassy. i was amazed at the length that singaporeans are willing to go to grab the best bargain in town. christmas season is always a peak period for retailers as singaporeans are willing to spend. shopping is a national hobby for many but after reading an article last week by a ST writer on how disgusted she is with consumerism in singapore, i agree with her that boasting a great shopping bargain to your friends may not be something that sinaporeans should be proud of. what is there to be proud of if you got that dress at a steal? christmas is about givng and sharing. but in the process of this, there are just so many wastage. what happens to redundant and useless presents that you received at your company gift-exchange? most of the time, it ends up in the rubbish bin, left aside to collect dust or given away to someone else. it is wasteful and meaningless. but i must say the presents i got this year are practical ones which i really like so i guess i was lucky. i'm glad i didn't give any meaningless pressies to my friends this year. cos i didn't buy any.....i would rather spend time having delicious food and interesting conversations with my friends and loved ones. i'm glad i did.....wonder what the new year brings for me....new heels?

27 Dec 2007 10.13pm

Heartwarming....

Went to a galfriend's church today to watch a christmas performance. Normally she invites us every year to her church to attend their christmas concert. The concert was entertaining with all the songs and dance and I was impressed by how good those amateurs sang. Title of their was Father's Love. Watching it reminded me of my father's love towards me and made me want to treat him better. I'm not a christian but seeing and hearing what they said is touching. My galfriend's purpose of getting us here every year was to learn how accepting their father's love can make people stronger and give us hope. With all due respect, I appreciate her gesture and believe in their love but I am more at ease with my religion. And as I sat there listening to her talking, it got emo.....
After that we headed out to dinner and a few more of my galfriends came to join us. We had interesting conversation over dinner. We started talking about something related to a person's destiny and the same galfriend said a person's words can be very powerful in a verbal sense. Whatever we hear from people saying things about our life, future or destiny can have an impact on us subconciously and this could affect with what we think and do with our lives. I find this so true because I have been wondering why things did not went smoothly for me for the past few years and maybe its because of what I have heard, it may have caused me to think negatively about my life. She even recommended a book for me to read as I was contemplating about an idea......a friend of mine seem to be reading that book too..hmm...maybe i can go find out more about it.
the five of us then went to Orchard and we had great time taking photos and walking around...it has been a long time since we have such fun. I also received rpesents from them and I felt bad because this year I did not buy a single present for my friends at all, not even a single christmas card. I have just simply forgotten to do such things becasue I have been feeling so down. I was so touched and grateful for the love and support that I got from my friends. All I can say is a huge thank you to all those who have been here for me...thank you so much!
I hope you are doing well. :)

23 Dec 2007 1.18am

Its Me Again

Its been a long time.
I'm not sure if the past year has been good or bad for me. To me, its a mix of both. Although things now are not that well for me, I think I have come out from the whole thing learning a great deal of myself. Honestly, the past few weeks has been terrible for me. But I'm glad I have friends who helped to pick me up and realised where I am. It was during this period that I find the phrase "A friend in need is a friend indeed" to be absolutely so damn true.
I am changing job again and this will be my 4th job since I graduated. I'm not sure if I could focus on it but after what I have seen and heard today, I think I should go out and live my life and do well in this job. This could be my break.
Suddenly I learnt a lot about myself. Like how my bad points are pushing people away from me and how my good points can give me love from others. I certainly want to be a better person from now and if my luck doesn't change, I am going to look at other alternatives.
I met an ex-colleague just now and we chatted for a while. I realised that what I went through this period of time is nothing compared to her and my other friends who went through worse situations than me. It was great to see her just now. Brought back some nice memories...life is certainly full of ups and downs. Thank you for talking to me. I'm back.

17 Dec 2007 10.12pm

Will I ever find the One?

I was hanging out with my friends yesterday and we started talking about relationships. my friend just ended her relationship with her bf. We were saying it has become very common that we get involved with someone who is already attached. I could relate to that because for the last few years, I always seem to meet guys whom I think makes a good bf but is already attached. Its kind of disheartening for me. why is it that i never seem to get the right guy? Its always someone who is bad, or is already attached. Am i destined to be alone? My friend said something to me which made sense. If the guy is 100% faithful to his gf, he would not have gone out with you in the first place. That comment feels correct to me. Anything can happen in a relationship. Everyone is looking for their life partner, someone whom they can spend the rest of their life with. So i think it is still possible for a person to look elsewhere even if he or she is already in a relationship. There is the one for everyone. i believe in that, just that i'm not sure how long i need to wait.

10 Sept 2006 10.13pm

Symphomania

I was at symphomania chalet over the weekend. Work on Friday was sianz....stress because there are so much things to be done and I couldn't finish it. To add it up, some rude customer called up, wanting to unsubscribe from the email alerts. I understand his fustrations, but that customer need not be so rude at all cos he actually used the f word at me. Some people just doesn't understand how difficult it is to manage customers and take service quality for granted. we are humans who have feelings too. stupid damm customer!
anyway, although my day at work sucked, i still head off to the chalet after work. The bbq already started when we got there. everyone just hang around eating and talking. they attempted to have a mambo night, with average response but it was fun and there were drinks. however, some of them drank too much and even drove a car out to get some beer. obviously we tried to stop them but to avail. Luckily they made it back safely but the guys still stayed outside talking loudly and we were worried that the security guard would come round again. i played mahjong till 530am with cheryl, meroy and sunny. i didnt even bother to wait for my hair to dry and went to sleep immediately after shower. poor cheryl and me had to sleep on a mattress laid out on the floor because the guys took all the beds....sigh...
i slept till 12 plus in the afternoon and everyone was gone for convocation rehearsals or CIP except congmin. so there was only me, derek and congmin when i woke up. sunny later came back and he bought lunch for us, his treat. so nice of him! after lunch, we head off to changi village to get food for the evening bbq. we came back and tidied the place up a little. as i mopped the floor, the guys from next door came over to move the table bench back to their side and said our friends scolded his sis in law last night? well, we don't know that actually happened but its not surprising if it was true, since they were drunk and talking quite loud. sigh.....i went off for a swim on my own after that. the pool was crowded but i kept to the side as i don't swim very well. a little scared of deep waters. but it was relaxing to laze at the side and looked at the sky with the white clouds floating around. I actually intend to go home on the afternoon, but i decided to stay to have fun with them. After all, its the first symphonia chalet, how could i miss it?!
there were not as much pple at the bbq tha the previous night. but still, the company was great. mr glosz came and we had a cake (courtesy of sunny) to celebrate our past performances like grand opening, camaleonte and our gold award from NBC! everyone put on the new symphonia tshirt and took pictures. the current exco did a photo collage for us alumni and it was a real touching gesture. i love it so much! around midnight we went bowling, came back, walked to the cycling tracks to feel the sea breeze and sat down talking crap, thinking of funny connotations with our names, helped paolo brainstorm for his project idea...haha....people stared at us as we walked around wearing our new tshirts, wondering who we are. a guy at the bowling alley even stopped congmin and asked him about us, where we got our shirts from...haha....good job charles!
i went to sleep shortly after we came back from the walk, too tired to do anything. in the middle of the night, i caught a glimpse of them doing something to paolo, which i later learnt they were putting tape on his legs, trying to pull off his leg hair.....haha....woke up in the morning and saw that no one was around, except sunny sleeping in his bed. they came back and we checked out. headed to whitesands for mac breakfast and then it was home sweet home. the chalet has been fun, although i feel that it could do with more people around.....i love symphonia....

10/8/2006 9.52pm

SMU Symphonia is a Gold Band!

Our first Gold award! How surreal for a band that is three years old. Through hard work and tears, we finally earned our first ever award to be recognised by everyone.
Days before the competition, i was anxious because i was so afraid that i will crack. i did not sound as good during the last few rehearsals and even during the warm ups at SA yesterday, i also did not sound that good during the run throughs...a bit worried. when it was time for break, i played through my solo one more time and glosz yelled at me to stop, saying something that if its meant to happen, it will happen. sigh...sounded ike a bad omen to me.....Received anneson's good luck sms during the run throughs...
so we just relaxed durign the break, ate something and then had trouble finding a proper place to change as the girls' toilet are all locked. i bought lollipops for some of the band pple, but should have bought more as it was not enough. after tuning and chords, huimin, brenda, derek and i took huimin's car to vch and then realized that its a bad idea to have the whole euph section in the same vehicle..in case something happens and the whole section is not at vch....but luckily that didnt happen.
when we got to vch, tj just finished performing and we waited outside victoria theatre for our turn to tune in the room. i saw ronny looking flustered and so i asked if he ran here. he had performance earlier and was rushing to meet us at vch. while waiting for our turn to be tuned, everyone took photos and had fun at it. then i received aloy's sms, wishing me good luck and not be gan jiong. later at the tuning room, aaron decided to give ronny the other solo for watsoever things and he played through the part on the spot. sounded good and everyone cheered and clapped for him. just before we left the room, me and benda shared a mini mars bar just to feel happy..haha...
at the corridor, i was feeling bit nervous already...kept thinking thought the solo...wished the others good luck before we went on stage..a bit messy on stage cos a chair at the back row fell just as my section was going up the platform. then glosz came out, chords, and played second suite. first bar sounded ok.....then A, B C, D, and i got ready for E...until i mispitched the high G! oh no...just move, still sound ok, although my heart was beating wildly and i wonder if they could hear the shiver in my tone....the whole suite sounded unstable....then came my second chance...sounded much better, until i mispitched again!!! Aaarrhhgg!!!!! never mind...move on....and we finished. was feeling down already...but i smiled and gave huimin a squeeze to wish her good luck for her solo in watsoever things! she was great man! i feel that the whole piece sounded good, although some parts could be better...there were moments i glanced up at the judges to look at their expression but i couldnt tell anything. could see mohli in the circle seats and ching siong, listening intently.
when it was over, we moved out and the others started congratulating huimin on her solo and i asked ronny if i sounded very nervous (nervrato). he said no, but i thought otherwise. peihsia said i sounded good, but i don't think so.feeling shitty about my solo. i saw joseph on our way outside the hall, he smiled at me and i asked whether he heard us. he did. went downstairs to keep instruments, still feeling very down. my expression was stone and huimin asked why i looked so tense as we gathered round to hear glosz speak. he thanked all the soloists and when he say thanks to the euph solo for second suite and everyone clapped, i wasn't sure if i should acknowledge as i just shook my head....sigh....
still controlling.....went to the toilet and then to the hall to join them for the results.....still controlling until zahid told me that akari was looking for me. Akari? i was so surprise to hear that name. made my way to the back and when i saw her, just couldnt hold it anymore. we went outside and tried to talk, but i was too upset. She consoled me and i tried to ask her oher things to keep my mind off it...then moh li appeared and said its ok, told me not to be silly...
results finally came. we got gold and in 4th place. TJ is the top band. they are really good. pple started to console me....peihsia, huimin, anneson, jinsong, chris, audrey...sigh....might sound silly but i thought if i played beter, the judges would give better marks. even ching siong said its alright to me, thati shouldnt take it too hard. saw twain before we left and i congratulated him. said thanks to ronny and chris. am i still feeling sad over the solo? yes, of cos, becos i felt i could have play it better,i felt i have let someone down despite all the effort i put in but thinking back, i feel i have improved and the solo sounded not bad, except for two mispitched notes. the whole experience made me want to continue playing as long as i can.
i guess i came out of this competition knowing that if i set my mind to something, i will achieve it. it all lies in your attitude and mentality. negativity will only bring failure and only being positive and believing in yourself would lead you to reach your goal. i guess the breaking point came when yuxuan was fustrated with me and put me down during that rehearsal. ph is right that it was a blessing in disguise cos it pushed me to work harder.
i have to thank everyone for their encouragement and advice all these while. thank you huimin, you are my light in the section. you pulled me up when i fell. without you, i'm not sure if i was still playing for the com. thank you ph, for your advice and encouragement. you are always the wise and understanding one. thank you yuxuan, for teaching me and pushing me. i must have been a very difficult player to teach. i hope i did not let you down. and to all my sympho friends, you guys are the best!! i'm sure we will continue to do well in the years to come. maybe we can aim for the next wmc? : )

21 July 2006 12.15am

Commencement 2006

I was wondering whether i would enjoy today at commencement, because firstly i have to wait a long time for my turn to collect the folder on stage, as my surname is near the end by alphabetical order and secondly, i don't have honours at all. But i actually enjoyed myself today.
i met lifang and wenqi to take some photos at vch area at about 11plus. lifang's friend, gavin, helped to take the photos. the weather was really hot, so we only took outside vch and inside fullerton hotel. qiuling came to join us at the hotel later. we left soon and coulnt stay longer 'cos a permit is needed to take photos inside the hotel. we head off to suntec and stopped at thai express at citylink for lunch and joycel came. then it was off to suntec.
met andrew, wanni, joanne and the others at the convention hall and we managed to take some shots. my family came just in time before the ceremony start. the ceremony went pretty smooth, except that during my school degree conferment, i waited quite a while before my turn. joel was sitting next to ne and andrew in the same row too. heard some encouraging testimonials from the outstanding students, which made me think why i didnt try harder in my studies. finally my turn came. shook hand, took degree, looked at photographer and went down. waved to my family as i walked backed to my seats. i saw jass in front of me and went to chat with her. it was great to catch up with friends whom i have not seen since i finished school. i headed out without waiting for the whole ceremony to end to take pictures with my family. as i walked out, i saw wanni and told her to wait for me to take pic but after taking pics with my family, i couldnt find her and everyone. but i saw geraldine and joycel. and so, i began my photo-taking spress with my obs friends (wenqi, lifang, diana, linda, zhizai!), symphonia senior citizens (pei hsia and gang), project mates(shufen and gang) and other friends whom i have not seen for a long time like alvin, fazli, jassyee sen and alicia. initially i wasnt sure whether to take phtos with yuxuan, but i knew i had too and we did. the feeling just came back. i hope things will be ok from here. i was really glad to see all my friends. but i didnt manage to catch some like kish and joanne and wanni and the others so that was a bit dissapointing. also didn't managed to complete my list of pple to take photos with. sigh....a friend whom i wanted to take photo with did not turn up at the commencement at all, so a little bit dissapointed as well. oh well, hope he is doing well...i also smsed andrew that i didnt catch him to take pic, but he replied that we all can meet up for gathering another day.
i satyed at the hall till almost everyone was gone and then headed to crazy horse for dinner for lifang and the others. the food wa not bad but a quite pricey. the ambience was great and there wasn't much customers there as well. the conversation was interesting and funny too. laughed a lot at the end and i really enjoyed the dinner cos of the company. one of the most enjoyable dinners i ever had. we chatted till late and then headed home, but not before i took a shot my our photographer for the day.
my one and only commencement of my whole life. glad that things went quite well today...: )

8/7/2006 1.35am

Last visit to National Stadium?

Went to National Stadium yesterday to watch the SIngapore Youth Festival. This year is the 40th anniversary of SYF, so the entire program was more elaborate than usual. Other than the usual marching contingent and the display band competition, there were two guest band from thailand and malaysia. I quite like the thailand band as their formation was very smooth. The display band competition was exciting. TKSS won the best display band award and deyi won the best drum major. Initially i was hoping that the tk drum major will win. But when i saw the bowen drum major (a girl), i felt that it would be nice to see a girl win. She was good, in my opinion. TK put in a lot of effort in their display. They even built props for the final formation. A russian palace, to go with the 1812 overture theme that they were playing. deyi was really sleek and neat, and i have to say that their drum major was impressive as well. I took my time to marvel everything around me when i got there and feel the atmosphere. Seeing the teamwork and dedication that these students displayed gave me the motivation to go on playing in a band. Certainly hope to see more sec sch go into outdoor display.
The stadium is to be pulled down to build a brand new stadium. I'm going to miss this place, because i have been to the stadium to watch several of the past syf outdoor com with my friends, and i always remember the time when i went with my sp band friends, sharon, teow and the others. All my visits to the national stadium were to watch the syf, where my first time to the syf was during primary school.i will also remember the time i took part in the syf opening ceremony as a member of the combined school choir when i was in sec 1. The songs were cheesy, but the process was fun. Since i didn't manage to get ndp tickets, i think this is my last visit to national stadium.
After the ceremony, we left a bit early before the whole thing ended to avoid the jam. But there were still too many people. we got stuck and after much walking, we finally got a bus to suntec. mohli and i headed to cathay at dolby ghaut to get tickets for superman and then we went for dinner. superman return was great! brandon routh is so handsome!
two more weeks to nbc. tue's rehearsal was terrible for me. we had brass sectional. my solo was a disaster and i felt really bad because i sounded really good during sectional last sunday. i know yuxuan is angry and disappointed, but i felt that he need not put me down in front of everybody by asking brenda to play. he really took everything away from me. i was so demoralised, and actually felt a bit traumatised.i even thought of not playing for the com at all but i gave my promise to play. sigh...his words really hurt me. if he felt that i can'tdo it, then he could at least tell me after the prac. i know its a competition, and the best player should play. i am just upset that he said it out without sparing a thought for my feelings. i won't mind if hefeels that brenda can play it better. maybe i am the kind who will crack under pressure? maybe i am not suitable to play? am i really unable to perform under stress? why is it so different this time? sigh....my last com and i am not sure if my wish will come true. however, friday's prac was good. yuxuan was not around and huimin told me to give it another try. mr glosz said it was good and so did everyone. i am going to give my best and i really really hope that i will not crack. today's sectional felt a bit wierd, because i didnt really talk much to him. just don't know what to say and i am still upset at him over tue's incident, but he don't seem to realize it. i am not exactly mad at him, just want him to realize what he did was wrong. sigh.......: (
one month has passed in my new job. still lots to learn and i got the feeling that my senior exec is not impressed with me. sigh...still trying my best to know the products and company better so that i can contribute during outside meetings. also trying to know my new colleagues better. i just hope things will get better with time.

2 july 2006 9.45pm

New

It has been a long time! I finally got a job as a marketing exec. I have to go through a 3-month probation first. Hopefully things will turn out well for me.
Its been a miserable five months of job search. During this period of time, I have friends who showed concern for me and tried helping me too. They were there for me, listening to me and offering advice. Thank you my dear friends, you know who you are! But then, there were also some friends who tried to put me down and were less encouraging towards my job search. And I thought that they were my true friends because we have known each other for so long. There were times when I felt disappointed with them. I think they do take me as their friend, just that they prefer not to include me. Time really changes everything. That's the sad part of life.
I have quite a few number of friends going overseas for further studies. ZQ going to Miami, ALn and WL to Aus ad a few more i guess...wish you guys the best of luck. I am going to miss you all : )
Symphonia is going for the NBC in three weeks' time. My section has been practising hard, meeting every sun for sectionals. Yesterday sectional was good for me. I have never sounded so good during my whole 12 years of playing the euph. But there is still a lot of work to do. I am going to do my best, or else i might never have the chance again.
With work and band, I find myself being cramped with so much things on my mind. I have been thinking about what I really want. Till then...

26 Jun 2006 9.40pm

Chat with a Stranger

I was bored last night so I went online but there was nothing much to do. I saw the irc icon on my desktop that has been left unused for a long time. I bet not much people go to irc now since msn has become the more common chat mode. Curious, I logged on to irc and there were still quite a lot of people there. There was this guy who msg me and I chatted with him because he is not like the other wierdos and jerks. We msg till quite late and he said he was logging off soon and wondered whether I want to chat on the phone. I wasn't keen with the idea at first but he said I can just hang up if i find him irritating, and that he wont call me after that night. So I thought different about this guy and we chatted on the phone. He gave me tips on how to get a job, like how you should prepare for an interview and other things like that. He is from jc, same age as me and currently working as an engineer. He lives near SP and so I manage to guess which sec sch he is from. Seems like a normal guy who leads a simple life and works hard. I think he is smart and also a conscientious person, since he came from good schools and did his degree overseas. I kind of enjoy the conversation because he told me his experience of finding a job and how he prepared for his interview. As we were ending the phone call, I asked for his msn but he didnt have one. Then he told me he is actually attached and his gf is overseas, so he was just bored and looking for someone to talk. That's all. Well, too bad..i think he is a nice guy but i kind of have an idea he thought that he is leading me on. And he even apologised for that. Oh well, maybe I think too much about what will happen after this phone call, but then, i thought he should have told me earlier that he is attached. He said he will try not to msg me. Wierd...I mean we can just be friends.
I dont really expect anything....but thank you for your interview tips. Made me think through about how I should prepare for my interviews and expect the kind of questions to anticipate and answers that I can prepare for it.

28 Mar 2006