hi again...

Over 3 months have past since I left my ex-company. Felt like such a long time. My new job is better in the sense that I have a sense of satisfaction in my work and I have never felt like this for a long time. Still remember my last day of work at that place. I was rushing through that entire day on preparation for an event which I wouldn't be present. I didn't have time to say my goodbyes but there was one goodbye I will never forget. A short conversation promising to catch up, jap movies and a hug that I never expected but will always remember.

9.55pm

A Standing Ovation

So what was memorable about the sydney trip?
Well, its the first international competition for sym. Going to Sydney for the second time brought back sweet memories of my first trip there with SP band where we also took part in the same competition back in year 2000.

There were lots of uncertainties and doubts before the trip. Not too sure how we will perform. But all these were answered during the week-long festival. I think everyone was just happy to be there, whether or not its for the competition or the fun of sight-seeing in sydney. We have to be reminded by our conductor contantly that we were there for the music. That after all, sym's name, the school's name and his name are at stake.

Sometimes I'm amazed how easy this band can psych up to an imminent competition. That just half an hour before competition we can all still take photos and be cam whores and the next moment, keep the cameras and focus on the playing. Amazing......

There were other bands who were wondering who we are, like this american band who was not chosen by the adjudicators for the command performance. The few occassions where we saw them, they would look at us with curious or wary stares. Heard from my other symphonians that they sounded disappointed for not being chosen by the judges to perform at the closing festival performance. We won gold and were the adjudicator's choice. For our final performance on the closing night at Sydney Opera House, we did well and received a rousing standing ovation. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears as I saw the audience stood up and applaused with cheers. Gave me goosebumps. A gentleman congratulated us as we made our way to the audience seats later to watch the rest of the concert. He said we were very good.

As the music festival took up most of our time, there were many things that I didn't get to do but there were a few places that I was glad to have visited. Watson's Bay, whom I went there with win and gang, was really beautiful. We had a simple picnic on the ever-so-green grass at the park and then we walked up the cliffs on Sydney Habour National Park, where we were stunned by the scenic sea view and there was this view of the blue waves crashing over the rocks which we looked over a cliff. It was so mesmerising that I was just drawn into it. The scene is locked into my mind that it feels calm and peaceful just remembering it.

One of the days was a free day for us. I went to the direct factory outlet with one of the groups and was happy with my purchases. The fun part was getting there as we took the train, which is very different from our MRT trains with their lower and upper deck. As we boarded the train, there was a man, dressed in rags like a street begger, seating near the entrance and he looked at us angrily. Then we realised we have to keep our volume down so as not to disturb other passengers who want to rest on their long journey.

After the shopping, tim and I headed to Circular Quay to meet up with yx to do the bridge climb at the South East Pylon, which is one of the towers right next to the Sydney Harbour Bridge. The view was fantastic at the top of the tower. We soaked in the captivating view of the city and the opera house, the highway, the skyscrapers, the bridge.Too bad we could only see half of the sunset as our view was blocked by the opposite tower. yx helped me take some really nice pictures of the scenery. Spent a lot of time with yx in this trip and I must say he is a great companion for a trip. He knows how to organise and can be fun to joke and bitch around with. I think we kind of look out for each other on the trip.

On our final day, we were suppose to perform at Darling Harbour in the morning but it was cancelled due to the rainy weather. A blessing in disguise as we could save our energy for the closing performance at the opera house that night. yx, josh, ser and I had a satisfying lunch at pancakes on the rocks. The beef ribs was so good and its something that we seldom have over here. The pancakes were a league on its own. So yummy and so delicious that I kept joking the amount of sugar rush we have from the pancakes will enable us to reach all our high notes that night. We kept laughing about it. Well that night during the performance, I did manage to play most of my high notes. Besides the pancakes, the next most delicious food I had in Sydney was this small japanese eatery where their jap food was so good that you have a comfy and wholesome feeling as you tuck into their meals. I finish one whole bowl of beef udon on my own.

After lunch at pancakes on the rocks, we strolled over to Queen Victoria Building to do a little shopping and somehow the group got broken up and left me and ah lu walking around to do last minute shopping. However, we couldn't find what we wanted so we decided to head back to hotel to rest a bit for the night's performance. On the way back, I spotted Sydney Town Hall and remembered in my first trip to Sydney for the same festival, me and my SP band friends went to this town hall to watch a performance and I remember taking photos at the steps of the building. Ah lu and I took some shots ourselves. Nostalgia.

I think the lowest point of the whole trip was the discussion session with the exco. Ed, josh, yx and I decided to talk to the exco after knowing our results and it was the night before the commands performance. It was a long session. Hearing from the exco that they think of us seniors as always criticizing and making snide remarks about them was hurtful. A lot of issues were thrown out during the session and I hope the exco will walk away reflecting on their actions and how to do better. And we want them to know that their hard work have always been acknowledged.

Maybe its the stress of organizing the trip that might have caused the gap but I miss hanging out with psy and mel. Didn't get to talk to them much before and during the trip except for fun phototakings but I really hope the discussion won't change anything.

Another achievement added to Sym's string of accolades and I hope to see the members grow stronger as a whole. All in all, it has been a memorable trip.

19 July 2009 7:01pm

He asked how I am today amid the rush of work

Lots of things happened in the past month. My bosses threw me a bomb when they told me that they would like me to go over to a new business unit. I didn't have much choice. Although I didn't like it, I just went along with it. I only know that I will miss my colleagues here.

At band, things were wobbly. Only finally decided last week that the band will go for the competition in Sydney despite the HINI flu pandemic. Precautions need to be taken. I was just really disappointed at how the exco handled the situtation. Our playing is still not up to par. Team spirit and morale is down. Everyone is just not motivated. I am just so worried how the outcome of the competition will affect the members. I am also worried with my parts, still couldn't reach my high As and Bs. This time next week, we will be facing our challenge...I'm praying....

One of my close colleague just resigned. She came by last week to see us at our event and we caught up on recent happenings. As usual, we were talking about work, gossiping and bitching....All these while we were saying how this place has changed us, how it made us see the bad side and good side of us. And then there was the topic on relationship. My colleague was saying relationships are fragile. For someone who thought they have found their life partner, things can change down the road and things will break up. So there is always a possibility that a person who is attached can change their mind about their partner and fall for someone else. I was thinking whether is it ok to fall for someone who is attached and let that person know? I am not a relationship breaker. I am not that type of girl who purposely snatches someone's else boyfriend. I believe that out there, there is a person whom you are meant to be with your whole life. Your soul mate. Even if at that point of time when you meet him or her, they are with someone else. But the future is unknown. You might never know that person might be meant for you. What is meant to be, will be.... I just don't want to regret later in life and ponder what if I have told him?

Last thur's event is probably my last event. But it was fun for one part.

I tendered my resignation last week and I know I made the right choice. I know my boss will never give me a permanent position. She just doesn't appreciate me. Still lots of work to do in the weeks ahead. Having jitters about the trip.

I should have paused and talked to him when he was asking about me today....

30 Jun 2009, 11.31pm

first death

I had my first encounter with death this weekend. My pet dog of 13 years passed on. During his last hours, even though he was weak, he still tried to stand up and walk, probably to show us he is here one last time and also to be close to my mum. I remember the look in his eyes as he struggled before I left house. He knew I was there. I was checking on him to see if he needed water but I really didn't know what to do. Only when I was out that my brother told me he is not doing well. He took my dog back to a hospital and we got news this morning that he has passed away. In a way it was some relief as I did not want to see him suffer. It was really painful and I couldn't face it. I didn't accompany them to collect his body because I really couldn't take it. I went to the gym instead. Really sad but I am glad he is not suffering and is not in pain anymore.

I realised that maybe I am not strong enough to face such adversity. Age did not give me enough strength and wisdom. Win, my symphonia friend, who is years younger than me actually consoled me, told me that I should be glad he lived such a long life. Sean smsed me a hug and sy sms me 5.30 in the morning to tell me to cheer up. These little gestures meant so much to me when I was feeling down. Thanks guys...

24 May 2009, 9.47pm

a little bit better

Today we had sectional practice. Yx came to teach us and will be our tutor for now till the competition in july. For the first time after so long (i think since NBC last year), I sounded so much better today. The tone I was producing was nicer and cleaner. Hopefully to play great by july, achieving a nice sound for my section (with ms), if not, better than how I sounded in the first NBC.

Yesterday was sucky at work. Mood was terrible. I was so upset but today I felt better, still learning to accept things the way they are. The practice tonight helped a lot.

14 May 2009, 12:35am

Work has been rather mundane lately. Because I am handling more admin stuff than usual. I don't mind doing it but I don't see how this is helping me. I wonder if my boss has some prejudice against me. I heard too many things lately. I don't want to be a pawn. I deserve better.

The situation at home is rather quiet lately. I just try to take things easy. But not bothering doesn't mean I don't care.

Am I going through a vicious cycle?

11 May 2009, 1:30am

: (

thoughts...

I miss playing....been almost a month since the band took an exam break. Practice will resume this week but I wonder if I can make it. Too many things to do for the event this weekend but I hope I can make it for friday's practice at least....

Situation at home is not too good....told my problems to cher and I felt so much better. There are many families out there where the relationships are not going well. Same for cher and I was glad I could relate to her when she told me her problems. I only know that I want to move on in my life and take care of whatever matters I can.

I don't want to whine about work but I can't help but wonder why things are so screwed up over here? Things always come in at the last minute and I was pulled into this crap with pieces everywhere and trying to put them together well when it could be done much earlier. I think my brain is dying.....from all these selfishness, irresponsible and uncommitted attitude from other people. My mental strength is going down...I can't process my thoughts as well as before.

It aches when you can't get what you want. Should I just stand from afar and watch, wishing and hoping that it will be mine someday but somehow know or get the feeling that it is not possible, or try to fight for it and not regret for not trying. But......

21 April 2009 10:35pm

Taken

Into the 4th month of year 2009. Time sure flies....

Last weeekend celebrated ger's 28th birthday (and also a belated birthday celebration for carol). I'm just glad that this bunch of sec sch classmates still bother to gather together every now and then to celebrated each other's birthday. A routine that we religiously followed since we left sec sch. As all of us get older, I wonder what will the future bring for me and for my friends....

That night after dinner, ger and gang decided to go bowling and we headed to orchid country club. It has been a very long time since I stepped into this place. I had my first job as a part-time waitress at a cafe here after my O level exams and missed those days. As the car turned into the car park, I thought I caught a glimpse of my ex-captain and guessed he must still be working at the club all these years.

Thurs was cher's birthday and her friend planned a surprise dinner for her and got mel to coordinate with the others to join in. She was so touched that we were all there. She looks happy.

Tried a two-hour bodycombat class yesterday at the gym and brought yh along. I was amazed I could endure till the end of the class..almost...we went to Iluma to catch the movie Taken, which is really good. Intense and grippling till the every end. Its scary that human trafficking still happens, especially to women and children. Ladies, be wary when you talk to strangers overseas. yh and I were talking before the movie started and I was saying how I am now back to my pre-relationship days. Before my previous relationship, I was leading a life like now - work, band and friends. Being single for more than a year now, life has been pretty ok. Like what yh said, I think music saved me. Continuing to play in the band kept me alive in a way...occupied my mind when I am stressed at work and my friends there are great. suz certified me "all clear", as in full recovery mode although I have other things to worry about. Its still scares me a little although I hope to meet someone. xl commented that I am a bit aloof when it comes to meeting guys, saying that I need to be more initiative. I hope I don't seem to be that aloof.

11 April 2009 11:37pm

Ethan

Suz and yh went to catch The Winter's Tale with me yesterday. We sat at circle 3, quite far from the stage. The faces of the actors were a bit small for us to see but seeing one of my favourite actors Ethan Hawke was still a plus point for me. The charactor that he played, Autolycus, was a mischevious thief who is funny. Love him. Not knowing what the story was about, we were puzzled and confused by the plot. But the acting was superb and next time if I were to attend another play, I will read up what the tale is about beforehand. It was a new experience for suz and yh although they had difficulty figuring out the story.

Actually I was moody yesterday. Was quiet most of the time after the play ended. We headed to suz's place to get stuff before we bought ba chor mee and yam paste at bedok and then went to ECP to eat and chill there with wine. Heard suz and yh talked a lot of things about their friends and outings and how much fun they had. Wished I get to join them too. And the part about a friend of theirs, it kind of reflected on me whether I am a stubborn and bad-tempered person. Am I difficult to get along with? Am I a good friend? Lately felt that I couldn't control my emotions as well ever since I joined the company.

The event on friday went rather alright. For the next similar event, I was thinking of a better way to admit and control the crowd as the queue was so long. But it was more of the negative vibe among my colleagues that bothered me. Things at work have not been smooth-going for them lately. It affects me and how I should be careful when I work with them. Anyway the feeling is just unhappy. Saw a few friends whom I have not seen for a long time at the party and it was good to see them. But didn't get to talk to one of them which was sad. sigh... I just hope things will get better and what I can do to help everyone.

29 March 2009 8:29pm

Hmmmm.....

Today I had lunch with my colleagues at our office building canteen. Felt like ages since I came up (its on the 6th floor) because I was cooping up in the office during the period of working on the baby fest event. Somehow these days, there are times when I felt a slight disconnection with the others. The feeling was not the same as before. Although I know they are not angry with me anymore and have already put the bad incidents aside, the camaraderie is different even though we still talk to each other as usual. My boss made a comment to another colleague about working with me and "getting it from me" as we have an event party next friday. She put it in a joking way which was about my attitude during the expo event and all of us laughed and how she said that whether my colleague will be fine with me helping him. I wonder was it really so bad that she had to bring it up again? The party next week is not as stressful and I will keep reminding myself to stay cool.

Keeping heads up and hoping for better things to come...

17 March 2009 10:11pm

Am I in the wrong job?

When we came back on tuesday after the event, my boss sat me down for a post mortem talk. As expected, she was disappointed with my attitude during the period of the event. I admitted I was wrong and reflected on my actions. She said I need to do some recovery with my colleagues and that I was also stubborn and territorial. Yup territorial...what a word. It was a bit shocking that my boss used those words but I know I am in the wrong and I want to make things right. Will have to start by keeping my cool when the tough gets going....

Been a week since I sent my phone for repair. Still no news. Currently I am using an old samsung phone and there were still very old messages stored in there, dated back to 2006. so long ago......anyway on my way home from gym just now, I was scrolling though those really old smses and saw this message from a friend.

"Dun grow old n feel regrets...for things not done, for words not said, for love not shown, life is too short ...do what makes you happy..take care! good nitez.."

It spurned on me that there are still many things I have not done and said. I'm also not sure if I am happy with what I am doing now. Do I like my job? Am I meant to be in marketing? After this period of slogging for the baby fest event, going through those stressful and emotional moments, I did have thoughts of quitting but I know better. A few days ago, I was talking to a colleague about my work. The one thing that struck me was the difference both of us felt about our job. He enjoys his work, like what he is doing. Meeting stressful deadlines for him is just trying his best to perform better, not the nagging thought of having to meet the deadline. Its the opposite for me. Maybe its the culture here or I am not strong enough to handle stress. I like meeting and working with new people and feel a sense of satisfaction when a project is completed successfully. But why is it that I don't enjoy the process?

I went for band practice yesterday. Been absent for a month (since concert).Things don't look good in the band and I am disappointed. Time to have a talk....

8 Mar 2009 1:52pm

Older but maybe not wiser

The past week gave me new revelations about myself. Its either I think too much about work or I didn't give enough thought to my work. Doing stage production for the event over the weekend was a total new experience for me. I didn't know what to expect and so fumbled but I came out learning a lot when doing stage related tasks. For things that went wrong, I kept wondering whether it was my fault for not asking questions and or I was not sufficiently briefed to know what to do.

I think my colleagues were probably not happy with me as well. That I was inefficient and disorganised. What I can say was that there were too many things to do and too little time. In the process to cover all the tasks, I did the minimum required and so was not that organised. I feel that I could do better. Sometimes, I prefer to do everything myself but now I realised (maybe?) that I can't handle everything myself. However, there are always situations when it is better take matters into your own hands.

I also felt bad that I was bad-tempered. Stress and fatigue can really strain the work relationship with your colleagues. Spending my birthday at the event was not exactly an ideal situation but I was glad they made a card for me (they used the wakeboarding pictures as the cover!). Received an sms that mel & gang thought I was attending practice and bought me a cake on friday. Felt bad and touched as well. More touched to receive their messages. Suz and yh called me for drinks on sat after I finished work and seeing and talking to them made me felt better although I was so exhuasted that I did not have enough strength to talk. The event ended on a more light hearted note. They surprised me and v with a birthday cake. Invited the temp staff over for the cake as well. The entire group have been a great help, although they can be better managed. They added a few funny moments while working in this project. I hope things will be better in the office now that the event is over.

2 March 2009 7:45pm

wakeboarding

It has been a fantastic weekend. Suz and the others celebrated my birthday early with me yesterday. She planned a wakeboarding session for us at punggol marina and it was great. There were suz, YA, yh, hm and weiL. I tried wakeboarding once a few years ago and found it exhilarating (when you are up on the board), although its difficult to learn. Trying it a second time brought back memories of the first wakeboarding session I had with my ytss gang:). Because it has been a long time, I couldn't quite remember all the rules but the instructor did a good job of briefing us. Guess I was a bit tired from all the late nights working so I didn't had the energy to do as well but I manage to stand on both feet on the board for a while. haha....the instructor seems a bit "beng" and a little too showy when he demostrated for us. I was thinking that he did it just to show off because demonstration from the instructor actually costs extra but we were not charged. He is quite a funny guy. We were saying probably to go again for YA's birthday and maybe we can get him to teach us again. It was tiring but everyone had fun :).

After the wakeboarding, we headed to true spa for our massage. Did the balinese sport to loosen my muscles as I was feeling quite stiff in my back and shoulder from long hours of working. But the massage hurt a bit. Now, I am feeling the ache from both the wakeboarding and the masasge. Dinner followed after that at heeren waraku. We had a huge group (teow, kev, xh, zz, jy, alan, yh, yx, ed, 3sa, qh, zy, YA, suz, hm, weiL,Ljun and Kel) getting everyone settles was a bit chaotic as we didn't all arrive at the same time but we managed to get seated together. I must really thank suz for this wonderful dinner. She did the same for me last year. :) Thanks babe! I think I owe you a lot! teow and kev will be going back overseas soon so I was glad they could come for the dinner. When they saw Ljun, kev asked him about his iceland trip two years back and I looked at him and we started laughing. We were reminded of the funny things he said last week about his iceland trip. Didn't managed to talk to everyone but I want thank all for coming:). After the cake, we went for some wine at wine connection (cuppage terrace) and suz introduced us the game, mafia. She was the story narrator and because we have a big group, it was interesting playing it as we tried to catch the "murderer". Need to analyse and think through the words that everyone said to get clues and catch the murderer. I hanged out a while longer with teow, kev, alan, jy and xh as kev is leaving on monday. Went supper with them but I was too tired to feel like eating. Take care kev! Hope to see you soon.

Hope I have rested enough for this weekend. The coming week will be extremely busy......I must survive....

22 Feb 9:48pm

Is it worth it?

My pc broke down last friday and I had no computer access until a few days ago. Now I have a spanking new system. :)

Work for the past week has not been smooth sailing.....I stayed in the office till 1 am plus on Friday with my colleagues to check through errors in a collateral that we were rushing out to print. I am always willing to help out in my team but my boss lately kept emphasizing to us to take charge of only the tasks that we are assigned and not have more than 1 person doing the same job. I was quite fed up that it suddenly seem to be my responsibility to handle the collateral when it was not my charge. But I did my part to check through and I must say I am not that detailed enough. Yup, I still have lots to learn and am trying my best to be as meticulous as possible. However, I have not finish my work for the upcoming events yet and I certainly do not want to incur anymore wrath from my boss. She has been very unhappy over the way things have turn out for the preparation of the upcoming event happening in two weeks. In the process of rushing out the amendments of the collateral, I pointed out that the area was not my charge and admitted I did not do a good job in checking through but the main master copy was not done by me. There were tears and anger (not just from me) but at the end of the night, I just hope my colleague did not take this incident too personally. This project has caused a lot of stress and frustration to a few of us and I just hope the event will happen successfully. Any misunderstanding or harsh exchange of words were not intended and definitely not intentional. Ever since I came here, my colleagues told me this is just a job. Don't ever let it affect you.

Last saturday was symphonia's concert, Crown's Imperial. It was not as good as before. I guess the intensive practices has taken a toil on everyone, including me. Been practicing almost every night in the last week leading to the concert. During the performance, I could not reach my high notes at all. sigh....I wonder what went wrong.....is it the conductor or the committee? It was a reasonable performance but could be so much better if we had more time. I hope things will pick up for the band. Sometimes I think its not because the band can't do it, but its the committee who must have the confidence and assertiveness to manage the band.

Caught The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I love the parts where Benjamin and Daisy will whisper good night to each other before they go to sleep during the times when they were not together. It warms your heart to know someone faraway (or maybe near) misses you and wishes you well. I do that sometimes....

Kev came back for a short holiday from Austria. Yesterday we met up for dinner at Clementi, just me, zz, kev and teow. Clementi Central is undergoing a major revamp. The bus interchange is gone and the buidling with McDonald's near the MRT station has been replaced by a new shopping mall. The place holds some special memories for me. The coffee shop next to the interchange where we used to have supper after sp band prac is no longer there. I miss the food and chats we had at that coffeeshop. We will always throng down in a big group. It was great to see kev again. The four of us had a fun chat and kev made me and zz laughed so hard that we were tearing. The laughter helped to relieve some stress that was building up in me. We kind of met up in the wrong place. Wanted to go ktv but the available timing was too late and I didn't want to take a cab back. So we just hanged around in Clementi chatting. Always enjoyed such gathering with them but it gets a bit quiet when they go back overseas.

There are some things that we will always yearn for. But if its meant to be yours, it will come to you. Of course there will be sadness and its part of the process of life. I just don't want to have any regrets and I might do what I might have to do.

15 Feb 2009 7:46pm

Heartbreaking Tennis Match

I don't play tennis but I enjoy watching tennis matches. Earlier I was catching the live match of the men single's final between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal in the Australian Open. First time in a long long time that I watched an entire tennis match from start till end. I like both players, both champions in their own league but I am a Nadal supporter. He is just unbelievable. Critics were saying he won't win the match as he is not adjusted to hardcourt and also, he just finished a 5 hour plus semifinal match on friday. Should be super exhausted. However Nadal was really determined and pushed on to be the one to win the title when the favourite was Federer. I was happy that he won and so amazed at his mental and physical strength. But it was the moment when Federer broke down while he was giving his speech at the award ceremony that broke my heart. I could understand how he felt, having tried numerous times to overcome Nadal and he was aiming to win this grand slam as he has won it for the past few years. Its like the frustration that was built up and got too much to bear. Just like how I felt whenever I was so frustrated at situations that I could not handle or the stress was too overwhelming. I think the unwavering support of the spectators made it extra hard for him and maybe that's why the Australian Open title was special to him. At least he lost to a deserving player. I say cheers to both Federer and Nadal. Nadal will always have my support but Federer has caught my emotions.

Yesterday we had our cny gathering at gm's place. It was fun playing blackjack with them and I have not had that kind of laughter with them for a long time. I did not get to taste my aunt's salted vegetables with duck soup this year. She prepared something else instead. Something different for a change. Finally this year, I got to offer joss sticks at the crowded temples and wished that the year of the ox will be a blessed one for me. Chinese New Year is always boring to me as I am not that close to my relatives. Well, at least I feel that I can relate more to my relatives from my dad's side instead of my mum's. Its only the gatherings with my friends that are more enjoyable and I will reflect on how our friendships have lasted through the years.

This month will be hell at work. A major event coming up and next sat is sym's concert. Crossing my fingers.....

2 Feb 12:07am

Why bother?

Today was the first time I got so angry over work since I joined. I really don't understand why people are so inconsiderate of how their actions will have a direct effect on other people's work efficiency. There is no excuse when it is your responsibility to get a task done and to get it done properly. Its natural that human beings will err at times but we should always try hard. As a result of someone's irresponsibility and tardiness, I could not submit in my POs in time. sigh....in addition to that, i was with greeted with sarcasm when I asked a senior colleague a question which she thought I should know. But I don't as it was my first time attempting the task. In life, there is always a first time in everything. Same goes for work. You learn new things everyday and should ask whenever you are unsure of anything. Like yx used to tell me, its better to be unsure and ask so that you will perform the right procedure instead of acting like you know it but did the wrong thing. Everyone works in the same company and should help each other. Why give such an attitude? I guess maybe in this day and age, the working world has become less tolerant and impatient with people who bother to ask questions.

Going on to happier things....we celebrated yt's birthday on sat at KTV Party World and learnt that she is with a new man. She looked so in love. Glad to see that she is happy. She wasn't this happy with her ex. But I can't say the same for myself. Met up with suz, YA and yh after the ktv. Had dinner and watched Changeling. The story is moving. Persistence and hope can really make a difference in your life. While waiting to get into the cinema as they were buying drinks, yh asked me if it is better to be single or attached? Knowing why she asked this question with the problem she is facing now, I told her that the grass always seems greener on the other side. Although I hope to be in a relationship again, I am so afraid of the pain that it brings.

Need to brace myself for tougher times....

20 Jan 2009 11pm

waiting....and be strong

It wasn't a fun weekend. I had to work yesterday for an event and then attended L's wedding dinner. He looked really happy. Sang a song for his bride and his speech inspired me a little in looking and waiting for love. Seeing everyone around getting married, I can't help but think maybe I wasn't destined to spend my life with anyone. Cught up a little with old friends from my first company that I worked at after graduating from poly. Stev seemed to have aged a bit, spotted white hair at the sides of his head. Chatted a bit and he seemed to be doing ok. I remembered when he employed me for my first job, he gave me an impression that he does not like me at all. Always a frustrated or unfriendly manner whenever he communicated to me at work. After telling a friend that I intended to resign about 6 months into the job, his attitude towards me changed for the better. Guessed my friend told him despite telling her to keep it a secret. Well, its all in the past. Friendship can develop in a different way as the years go by. A bad start might end up good.

Cher is back and she came on friday's practice to see us. I was so glad to see her and updated her with a few of my recent happenings. This weekend was also band camp but I didn't stay over. I can't anyway since I had to work yesterday. Band camps always bring back nostalgic memories of my student days in uni.

My company introduced new initiatives to cut down on cost this year as we face the worst recession in years. No pay cut technically but it still causes a cut in our salary and thus a lesser take-home pay amount. I think its better than being jobless. I just need to cut back on spending and save more. Especially for my trip in July.

Difficult times ahead. Got to be strong.

11 Jan 2009 10:15pm

Leading to 2009...

Attended Sm's wedding last saturday. She looked ravishing in her gown. A little more interaction today I guess....ps was also at the wedding. Have not seen her for a long time and her happy-go-lucky cum joker personality is still there. At least I learnt that xh and I have a common interest in the Twilight series books and we rattled off excitedly about the story and the movies while js was caught sitting between us. I do miss the old days when I could feel so at ease with them. Maybe its because we have not been keeping in touch all these while. When the dinner ended, I told sm to catch up soon as I shook her hand. She said the same thing too. I really hope so.... They decided to go ktv after that but I didn't join them as I wanted to go to the gym early the next morning so I missed it. Hope they won't think that I am being anti-social or something.

I received a nice surprise on monday morning when I reach my office. It was raining that morning and I was feeling quite restless about work. A bright star-shaped note pasted on an envelope greeted me at my desk. It was a nice gesture which I appreicated it :). Spent the next few days trying to clear as much work as possible as my boss will return next monday. There are just so many things that everyday went by in a blur. I can't remember exactly what I was busy with but I always end up having to rush out my tasks when I have time to do it. sigh.....at the same time I had to cover my colleague's duties as she was on leave as well. Guessed I was overwhelmed with work? I am still trying to find out whether I am poor in organising my time or is there just too much work for me to handle at a time.

New Year's Eve. There was der, teow, jy, LC, Dx, HJ and myself at XY's place for a potluck gathering. Been a long time since I went to XY place. Think it was chinese new year some years ago when I was last there. We were chatting and and somehow technology came into the picture as XY was mentioning that her primary school students are more IT-savvy than her. It's kind of alarming to know how fast teens these days catch on in technology. And also the advancement in techonology. Like XY mentioned her schol had these smartboards which are like giant touch screen tablet PC where students can write their response or interact by touching/writing on the giant screen instead of clicking the mouse on the monitor. I wouldn't be surprise that such hi-tech equipments will be a common sight in our offices in the next few years. HJ felt that such advancements are too much of a waste in resources and are such inventions necessary. In a way, its true that too much money is being spent on such inventions to improve our daily lives but as in any civilisation, technology improvements are part of the growth process. Der was saying there are also new yet-to-come-into-place stuff like GPRS-type cards for ERP charges. No gantry, just a sim card to track your vehicle location in order to charge your ERP accordingly. So if such technology come in place, there won't be any more privacy. Its kind of scary to know that such a day will come when your entire life is known to everyone due to techonology advancement. No privacy. After midnight struck, kev called us concurrently on skype to wish us happy new year. Because of interference, we kept to der's phone and spoke to him on speaker. Went through his Austria apartment pictures that he posted in facebook while he talked to us on the phone. It was funny as he described his room and daily stuff. We were looking at the possibility of bunking in when we visit him in austria. If it ever happens....that is...

Any new year resolutions? I think at least I know I want to get my career going, work hard and tolerate the nonsense for a period of time. Also, I hope to find someone that I love and who loves me as well but this always eludes me. I hope I won't give up.....
I want to thank all my dearest friends for being with me for the past year when I was down and needed support and advice. You guys know who you are. I won't be here now without you all. Suz, thanks for your encouragement and guidance and being there to show me how strong I can become (erm...still in the process of becoming strong...not strong yet..haha). Yanhui, thanks for your comfort and friendship. I know you are there when I need to talk and I am also here for you :). Mel, you are the first guy that I have literally poured my sorrows to when I was still unrecovered. Thanks man. I really don't know what to say. Cheryl, you made me realised a lot of things going on in me. miss you leh, can't wait till you get back home! Thanks for all your help and advice in getting me to where I am today. Siyun, thanks for your smiles, positivity and caring thoughts. Ok, I promise to be mindful of my drinking? haha....

To my ex, I do wonder at times how you are doing despite that I have move on and that you have left a deep scar on me. Yes, I still hate you a bit but I appreciate the lessons that this relationship has taught me. If there is ever a day where we can talk and be friends again, I will be glad. For now, I know you are one who prefers and chose not to keep in touch unless necessary, without any feelings, like a cold-blooded snake. However, I hope you will remember that you will always have a friend like me and I'm always here.

And to you......hmm.....guess you won't know anyway.....

Sat 3 Jan 2009 3:54am