Ethan

Suz and yh went to catch The Winter's Tale with me yesterday. We sat at circle 3, quite far from the stage. The faces of the actors were a bit small for us to see but seeing one of my favourite actors Ethan Hawke was still a plus point for me. The charactor that he played, Autolycus, was a mischevious thief who is funny. Love him. Not knowing what the story was about, we were puzzled and confused by the plot. But the acting was superb and next time if I were to attend another play, I will read up what the tale is about beforehand. It was a new experience for suz and yh although they had difficulty figuring out the story.

Actually I was moody yesterday. Was quiet most of the time after the play ended. We headed to suz's place to get stuff before we bought ba chor mee and yam paste at bedok and then went to ECP to eat and chill there with wine. Heard suz and yh talked a lot of things about their friends and outings and how much fun they had. Wished I get to join them too. And the part about a friend of theirs, it kind of reflected on me whether I am a stubborn and bad-tempered person. Am I difficult to get along with? Am I a good friend? Lately felt that I couldn't control my emotions as well ever since I joined the company.

The event on friday went rather alright. For the next similar event, I was thinking of a better way to admit and control the crowd as the queue was so long. But it was more of the negative vibe among my colleagues that bothered me. Things at work have not been smooth-going for them lately. It affects me and how I should be careful when I work with them. Anyway the feeling is just unhappy. Saw a few friends whom I have not seen for a long time at the party and it was good to see them. But didn't get to talk to one of them which was sad. sigh... I just hope things will get better and what I can do to help everyone.

29 March 2009 8:29pm

Hmmmm.....

Today I had lunch with my colleagues at our office building canteen. Felt like ages since I came up (its on the 6th floor) because I was cooping up in the office during the period of working on the baby fest event. Somehow these days, there are times when I felt a slight disconnection with the others. The feeling was not the same as before. Although I know they are not angry with me anymore and have already put the bad incidents aside, the camaraderie is different even though we still talk to each other as usual. My boss made a comment to another colleague about working with me and "getting it from me" as we have an event party next friday. She put it in a joking way which was about my attitude during the expo event and all of us laughed and how she said that whether my colleague will be fine with me helping him. I wonder was it really so bad that she had to bring it up again? The party next week is not as stressful and I will keep reminding myself to stay cool.

Keeping heads up and hoping for better things to come...

17 March 2009 10:11pm

Am I in the wrong job?

When we came back on tuesday after the event, my boss sat me down for a post mortem talk. As expected, she was disappointed with my attitude during the period of the event. I admitted I was wrong and reflected on my actions. She said I need to do some recovery with my colleagues and that I was also stubborn and territorial. Yup territorial...what a word. It was a bit shocking that my boss used those words but I know I am in the wrong and I want to make things right. Will have to start by keeping my cool when the tough gets going....

Been a week since I sent my phone for repair. Still no news. Currently I am using an old samsung phone and there were still very old messages stored in there, dated back to 2006. so long ago......anyway on my way home from gym just now, I was scrolling though those really old smses and saw this message from a friend.

"Dun grow old n feel regrets...for things not done, for words not said, for love not shown, life is too short ...do what makes you happy..take care! good nitez.."

It spurned on me that there are still many things I have not done and said. I'm also not sure if I am happy with what I am doing now. Do I like my job? Am I meant to be in marketing? After this period of slogging for the baby fest event, going through those stressful and emotional moments, I did have thoughts of quitting but I know better. A few days ago, I was talking to a colleague about my work. The one thing that struck me was the difference both of us felt about our job. He enjoys his work, like what he is doing. Meeting stressful deadlines for him is just trying his best to perform better, not the nagging thought of having to meet the deadline. Its the opposite for me. Maybe its the culture here or I am not strong enough to handle stress. I like meeting and working with new people and feel a sense of satisfaction when a project is completed successfully. But why is it that I don't enjoy the process?

I went for band practice yesterday. Been absent for a month (since concert).Things don't look good in the band and I am disappointed. Time to have a talk....

8 Mar 2009 1:52pm

Older but maybe not wiser

The past week gave me new revelations about myself. Its either I think too much about work or I didn't give enough thought to my work. Doing stage production for the event over the weekend was a total new experience for me. I didn't know what to expect and so fumbled but I came out learning a lot when doing stage related tasks. For things that went wrong, I kept wondering whether it was my fault for not asking questions and or I was not sufficiently briefed to know what to do.

I think my colleagues were probably not happy with me as well. That I was inefficient and disorganised. What I can say was that there were too many things to do and too little time. In the process to cover all the tasks, I did the minimum required and so was not that organised. I feel that I could do better. Sometimes, I prefer to do everything myself but now I realised (maybe?) that I can't handle everything myself. However, there are always situations when it is better take matters into your own hands.

I also felt bad that I was bad-tempered. Stress and fatigue can really strain the work relationship with your colleagues. Spending my birthday at the event was not exactly an ideal situation but I was glad they made a card for me (they used the wakeboarding pictures as the cover!). Received an sms that mel & gang thought I was attending practice and bought me a cake on friday. Felt bad and touched as well. More touched to receive their messages. Suz and yh called me for drinks on sat after I finished work and seeing and talking to them made me felt better although I was so exhuasted that I did not have enough strength to talk. The event ended on a more light hearted note. They surprised me and v with a birthday cake. Invited the temp staff over for the cake as well. The entire group have been a great help, although they can be better managed. They added a few funny moments while working in this project. I hope things will be better in the office now that the event is over.

2 March 2009 7:45pm