A Less Extravagant Christmas

I didn't spend a lot of money on christmas presents this year. With the economic downturn, I decided to be cautious in my spending. I even skipped Mango sale! I think Christmas is not about giving and receiving presents but spending time with people that you care for and letting them know that they matter in your life. I bought some small gifts for my colleagues and received some as well, including unusual wishes. I also gave him a small present and he was surprised by it and I'm glad it was a nice surprise for him first thing in the morning. Well it was just a small token. I hope he don't think it was too simple a gift.

Went for ktv with Teow and gang on Christmas Eve. Despite the busy lives we lead, somehow with this gang, the thoughts and gestures are still there all these years. We still keep in touch with each other, giving updates on our lives. Thanks guys, for the gifts and organising this christmas eve gathering. The singing was really funny....

Gm came back and the whole ytss gang met for dinner at marina square on tue. I have not seen them for a year since Gm's last visit. I guess everyone was pretty much the same as I did not get a chance to catch up with everyone. The one thing that struck me was how distant I felt about them even though I did not keep in touch with them for the past year because normally the feeling is still casual whenever we meet up. But that dinner gathering felt different. sm is getting married this sat and I'm happy for her. Not sure if she is tired or anxious about the wedding but we didn't talk much. Hopefully I get to catch up with them at the wedding dinner this sat.

I saw kev online just now and we wished each other merry christmas. He said he missed the old days at spband. Me too....time just passes too fast. Things have changed too. The poly band is still doing well and I heard the alumni band sounded good at the recently concluded concert. Der mentioned their uniform has changed. They have done away with the long black gown for girls. It is still a dress but some wierd colour or stripes at the collar? Anyway, things have become different.

I really wish 2009 will be a better year for me.

11:46pm 25 Dec 2008

Love is all Around?

I spent the whole evening yesterday watching movies on TV, Superman Returns and Love Actually. I have watched Superman Returns at the cinema when it was released a few years back but never seen Love Actually. I love it. "Love actually is all around". How true it is.....or is it? I think I am surrounded by friends and family who love me. I am just lacking in love from the opposite sex. Alhough as much as I yearn to be in love, I am also afraid of the pain. One of the characters in Love Actually chose not to express his love for the woman he loves up till she married his best buddy. And when the girl found out, he said it was a way of self-preservation for not telling her how he felt. I wonder if it is better to be in love and feel the pain and agony of loving someone who also loves you or is it better to be loveless and be free of any pain and sufffering? Well, the guy did express his love to the girl (in messages written on cards!) in the end and got a kiss back from her. After that, he said to himself "enough now. enough". I wonder what he meant by that. Expressing his feelings to the girl so that she knows is enough for him? I guess so. At least he will not regret one day for not telling her.

My company had a christmas party event last thursday and it was the second last event of the year for us. Setup in the afternoon was tiring, having to pack 200 bags of goodies. The temp staff we got was terrible as he kept complaining that he is sick, can't work. I gave a good earful. If he is sick, he should not come to work as i think it is not worth it for him to tire himself out when he is sick. If he wants to stay to work, then he need to stop complaining. That is the right attitude. But he continued to be whiny, unhelpful, unenthusiastic and slow throughout the whole night and I decided not to engage him anymore for future events.Even though he related to my colleague that he is jobless and has a family to provide for and she felt bad for telling him off, I still felt that his work attitude sucks. Every person in this world has difficultites in their lives. If you can't help yourself, no one can help you. If this temp staff actually has a good work attitude then people will want to engage him for more job assignments and he will have income for his family. I really wonder why a man of his age didn't think of that. The event went ok...I think...although the printer made a hiccup with our poster and the giving out of the goodie bag was quite chaotic. But at every event, I learnt something new. Hopefully I will remember what I learnt and not repeat any mistakes. I must not.

Saturday was the last event of the year which I was helping for my colleague. The venue was cosy but quite out of place for some guests. After that hanged out with teow and A. We caught The Day the Earth Stood Still. Sad to say it was not that fantastic. The plot is good but I feel that the whole movie did not develope the story enough to create any depth.

The highlight was when he told me I looked great that night. :)

15 Dec 2008 11:24pm

my race.....

I ran at my first Standard Chartered Marathon yesterday, completing the 10km race in approx. 1 hr 27 mins. I took it slow as I was afraid that my knees will not be able to hold out the distance. The pain came at the 5k mark. I was glad Huim was with me throughout the race and spurred me on as we sprinted the final metres to the finishing line. Extreme pain followed....

The reason why I run at the long distance races is that I want to develop a strong mind and a healthy body. I think if I can endure the pain that I experience during a run, my mind should be able to take me through any challenges, such as those that I experience at work.

After the race, all of us (suz, her bro, YA, Pat, Ed, Yh and HuiM) went for breakfast at Bugis Junction's Ya Kun Kaya Toast. I always like the feeling of having a meal and conversation with a close group of friends. Makes me feel cosy. Although I don't exactly have this feeling at home, I just don't want to think too much about it.

Attended shir's christmas party in the evening which she organised it with her church cell group mates. Her friends were really nice, trying to make us feel at home. As much as I know that they are nice and friendly people, I just don't think I will convert to a christian. I believe Jesus exists but I just don't hear or feel him talking or answering to me, with all due respect. I just don't feel anyhing. So every year at christmas time, when shir invited me to her church gathering, I will go as its an invitation from her and the whole group of us gals will also go and take it as a small gathering for us. I'm not exactly there to be touch by Him. I'm just happy to hang out with shir and my gang of caring angels.

I didn't see ms at yesterday's race but if she is going ahead with her India trip, I really pray that she will be safe and sound.

I miss the msning.....
8 Dec 2008 2:27pm

Am I suffering from side effects?

Just learnt on monday that I was supposed to help my colleague with her event which happened yesterday. Some miscommunication last week and I thought I was helping out at another seminar instead.

It was a tieup event with another external partner and I was appalled at how clueless and disorganized they are. My colleague was frustrated with them for not knowing the details leading to the start of the event such as space allocation and such. All questions were answered with "I am not sure" and without answers, we couldn't plan our event. It was only on friday (the third day of the partner's event)that we were able to see the whole setup (which they actually change everything on the second night after a big boo boo ). So we discussed with the executive from the external partner side on where we want to set up our things for the program on sat.

And guess what, after getting everytrhing ready yesterday, the executive's boss came and want us to change the things that we have laid out. More disorganisation and it was about an hour to the event. The exec's boss didn't seem that nice to us until my boss came and saw what happened. To make matters worse, they let the public into the venue when it was supposed to be a two-hour private event. I admit our guest attendance was not that good but the food we catered was for our guests only and ended up everyone helped themselves to the food. The external partner boss later apologised and offered to share the cost. But we won't as we felt its not nice to do that. Later, the external partner boss even asked my colleague if everything is ok and also apologised to my boss for everything being so messy. How fake. I bet she was compalning about us as I saw her talking to her staff with her eyes on me and her expression gave it away at a particular moment when I was speaking to my friend.

From this event, I learnt from my boss on the things that we will notice as an outsider's point of view. As we are not the organiser, just a partner, we can pinpoint the things that went wrong at this setup which are unacceptable by my company's standards. For example, the plasma TV that they got in for us had a dirty screen with tiny specks of dried white paint on it! I really wonder why the exec didn't look at it. Even their black panel displays and coverings were badly done. There were fingerprints and white paint smudges on the black glossy surface of their display. They should have ensured that all these were cleaned up. Imagine what their guests will say when they spot all these?

So fedup....sometimes I think this is the only avenue for me to vent my work fustrations as I can't let it out anywhere. The work exposure is great. Although I am accepting the downsides of the job, sometimes the frustration is too big to ignore. I wonder if I am suffering from sides effects of my work. Like insufficient sleep, stress, anxiety and poor memory (too many things to remember!). Even my friend said that I am being over sensitive over some dinner matter and whether I was too stress. Sigh.....another matter was that my boss could not convert me with the freeze in headcount but what she can do is to extend my contract for another year. That I will accept as I don't mind but I hope they will increase my staff benefits with more annual leaves. I will have to talk to her about that.

After the event yesterday, I caught up with lc and her bf. Walked around in far east plaza but couldn't find what I wanted. Got a pair of cropped pants at Mango instead. We also took some photos with the christmas lightings at orchard. This year's decor seemed a bit bland, including the tall christmas trees at Takashimaya. The design looked traditional, not enough bling and heartwarming aura to it.

Hoping for a better week ahead...

30 Nov 2008 10pm

Twilight Feelings...

I was reading the Twilight saga books. Finished Twilight yesterday and I started on the sequel New Moon just now. Edward (the vampire) told Bella (The human girl who fell in love with Edward) that he is leaving, that his family need to leave town and he cannot be with her anymore. The scene was so sad...especially the part where Bella called out to Edward and reached for him. He took her by her wrists and moved her arms to her side. Quick peck on her forehead and he was gone. It was really strange to read this as I recall a year ago, I broke off with my ex boyfriend and the scene in the story just reminded me of it and how familiar it sounds.
Wow...its been a year since I became single. I did not keep in touch with my ex because he prefers not to (unless necessary even though he claims we are still friends) and so I left it that way. I have not seen him ever since we broke up and I think I would prefer not to. Some months back, I thought I saw him from afar at the bus interchange. I was waiting for my feeder. It was late and I was making my way home after practice, feeling really tired (I remember that period was when we were preparing national band competition and that was the time where we were practising intensively). So I was in my queue and when I look ahead, I thought I saw him in the distance at another bus queue (that bus happens to go to his place). The silhouette looks really like him and a shiver went down my spine as that man was also staring in my direction. It was like I saw a ghost. I looked away and acted normal. It was far and I could not be absolutely sure it was him as I thought through when I got onto my bus. I was thinking maybe my eyes were playing tricks as I was exhausted from the day's work and band practice.
So its really strange that a year later, I am hooked to this twilight saga stories and I was reading the breaking up of Edward and Bella, like how he left me. Wierd and a bit sad but I am looking forward to a life with someone whom I am destined to be with. The feelings have changed and I guess I have also changed.

23 Nov 2008 10:36pm

It's not looking good

bad times......and i wonder if I will still be working in this place in 3 months' time...when my contract ends...
nope, i don't regret leaving my ex-company...that place do not deserve me. Even though its a full-time position.
Although my current boss has got high expectations and the job is so damn stressful, I actually feel that this place can make me grow. I am learning to handle tasks that can be difficult and knowing how to deal with it made me stronger. Yes, there are lots of frustrations but I am starting to accept it. But just when I am beginning to like my job, I face uncertainties. The financial downturn has resulted in a budget cut and I am not sure if I am going to be confirmed as a permanent staff. No news of it lately as well and the things that I have doing for the past few weeks do not bode well too. I am not sure what my boss is thinking now but I hope she can see my hard work although I make mistakes and don’t perform as well at times. I’m just so f**king fed up why things don’t turn out well when the situation was starting to look promising! I want to stay on. I don’t want to be on the move for another place again. I’m just so f**king tired!!!

sad.......

18 Nov 2008 10:30pm

Easing in....

The Gathering

Yesterday we had a gathering of people whom I have not seen for a long time. Its my spband friends (from my batch) and everyone still seems pretty much the same, busy with work and other stuff. The main topic of our conversations seem to revolved around the gloomy economic situation now. Reduced budgets, freezing of headcounts.....although we are all not in the financial sector, we still feel the impact of the downturn. Don got a pair of levi's (from the outlet at Raffles City) at $50 off by trading in your old jeans so I also went to have a look. But the sales girl wasn't so helpful and my size was not available so I didn't get it in the end. It was mainly due to the unhelpfulness of the sales assistant that I did not buy anything. She didn't even bother to offer suggestions or find out exactly what I was looking for. The art of service is certainly not easy to attain but I feel that enthusiasm goes a long way. Sure its easy for me to say that but I have also worked in retailing before. The store wasn't busy at that time and if the sales assistant choose to idle around and not bother about serving me, I shall bring my business to somewhere else.

Anyway, we ended off the evening with coffee and more chats. The feeling is familiar as we always had coffee over conversations during the old days.

Nice Dinner

My boss treated us to dinner on wed and it was really fun. For the first time, i actually felt relaxed and there was so much talk and laughter and I got to know my colleagues better. Work is really stressful here. So far I have got through it because my colleagues have been helpful in showing me the way. Heard some things during the dinner and it made me wonder whether some people are not what they seem to be...

Band Break

The band is taking a break for exams and friday was the last practice. They had a performance yesterday but I couldn't take part in it due to the gathering. I hope the performance went well although I felt it was too last minute and slightly not organised. Sometimes I feel like helping them by offering my advice on how things can be done. As I was previously the librarian when I was in the committee, I wonder if I should offer my help to the new librarian on how she could perform her task better. But I was afraid that I will be intruding or stepping into areas that are no longer my business to bother with.

Year is coming to an end soon.....time really flies. And I am thankful to my friends for getting me to where I am today.

I'm still hoping...

9 Nov 2008 8:40pm

Feelings of frustration but with a dash of happiness

The Event
The days leading up to wednesday were bad. After the long weekend holiday (which I spent the sunday working), tuesday was a mad dash. I think my boss was stressed over the event and reprimanded me and my colleague for not doing and preparing enough and being unsure of our respective roles for the program. A miscommunication in our discussion made me thought I should print one master list and one rsvp list for the reception. I also misunderstood my boss's email. She was hopping mad when I got to the venue on wed morning. I had to call my colleague at the office to re-do the list and help me get it printed. I actually stayed at the office till midnight the night before to print the list but the formatting kept running our of place and I was so frustrated with it. Only had a few hours of sleep and even dreamt that I was still doing the excel sheet in the office! The whole day of setup went on with scoldings from my boss but I bear with it although I nearly broke down after the morning incident. The event went rather well without a glitch but I felt I could have done better if my boss actually got me more involved in the planning because she kept saying she has to tell us what to do at ground level. But if she had got me more involved in the planning since day one, I would have thought of the questions earlier and not the day before. Or am I being incompetent?
The next day at work, my boss sent a thank-you email to me and my colleague and told us to take two days off as long as we clear off any urgent stuff. Just when I thought things might be ok, she chided my other colleague and me for not doing this powerpoint file for another dept which they needed it asap. But then, in an earlier email that she sent last week, she told everyone that we are busy with wed's event and could only discuss about it on thursday! She doesn't seem to recall what she has mentioned before and should check what she replied first before saying anything. But I must say she is a good leader.

Slow progress at rehearsal
My conductor didn't come at friday's practice. There was this student who came to conduct the band as past of his assignment and this incident created some bad vibe among a few people. Its all bad decision making but I hope things will pick up after this. We went Robertson Quay for drinks and I got drunk again ( wasn't like this for quite some time). Sorry guys :(.

Bliss
Yesterday was KT and Shar's solemnisation ceremony. A simple affair at the singapore arts museum. A few of us helped to coordinate to throw rose petals at shar and her dad down the isle as he gave away his daughter to KT. We were camwhores the whole evening, taking a lot of pictures. Xl wondered why people from our class who seemed the least likely to get married first are hitting the altar before us. I wonder as well but I have kind of leave it to fate to decide when I will meet my prince charming. To create some fun, KT and Shar gathered all the single ladies to catch the throwing bouquet. shir nearly caught it but it slipped her hand and fell to the ground so shar threw it a second time. Someone else caught it instead and shir lamented that it should have been hers. haha....

Its been a frustrating week but there was a moment when my mood was lifted. He came by to talk to me...:) and that made my day.

2 Nov 2008 9:34pm

losing time....

I had some wierd flashbacks this morning when I woke up. I remembered the science lab in my secondary school where I did my chemistry and physics practical lessons, the funny incidents that happened there, the wooden stools and tables. I remembered the bus stop at my business block in sp where I will wait for the bus and also a meeting point with my friends. Strange....been remembering things from the past lately....

Its the long weekend but I didn't get to enjoy much of it as my dept had an event at raffles city. My colleague and I took turns to help out at the booth. It was tiring and I have another major event coming up on wed. I'm just looking forward to the event being over soon. I guess the good thing about my job is that I can get to know a lot of people and talk to them, like I was talking to this guy from this picturetaking company which we engaged for the event. And it was interesting to listen to his take on relationships and office politics.

Thursday, I left office quite late and was late for a dinner with suz, yh, yx and rh. Been a long long time since I last saw rh and it was nice to see him again. I bought suz a birthday cake and we celebrated her birthday a day early. I was feeling bad that I couldn't be more involved in celebrating her birthday. Her friends planned a surprise for her yesterday and asked me to join them. But as I was working yesterday, I was unable to be there for her. Sorry babe..but I'm glad to hear that your birthday weekend has been great...with an additional surprise! :) I wonder whether this new job of mine has been draining my energy. I seem to have less time for band and friends. I really need to keep up my playing.


wishing and hoping......*winks*
27 Oct 2008 10:02pm

Difficult Times

Is there such a thing as a good death? Maybe there is but I am not sure because we don't know what happens after death. Is there such a thing as afterlife? Chinese beliefs say there is but I'm skeptical about that. I'm just reacting to an article that I read by Sumiko Tan in today's newspaper. Yes we all will die one day. Its just a matter of whether the process will be a peacful or painful one. When I read how Sumiko's father died, I started thinking how I will react when such a day arrives. My dad is old and is suffering from several ailments. He often laments how he is leaving us soon and that just annoys me. Because I hate it when he says that. He is a good dad but just like any parent, they get on your nerves sometimes but deep down, you still love them. I don't look forward to it but I know I have to prepare myself for the day when my love ones will pass on. I remember attending the funeral of my girlfriend's mum a few years ago and I felt so sad for her. She seem to be accepting it when I saw her at the funeral but I couldn't help feeling the pain. I imagine how I would feel at my own parent's funeral. Sumiko mentioned in her article that there are four things to ensure a "good death". A good state of health which will minimize your sufferings, existence of family and friends who will care and support you, money to get you the care and comfort that you need in your remaining days and religion to make you feel better. I feel that the second factor is the most important of all as I think it could alleviate a lot of pain caused by the process of dying. I can't do much about my dad's health now but I guess I can help to make him feel better. But I'm just afriad his negativity will make me try less harder. Well, we won't know what wil happen in the future.....

After practice on friday, I hanged out with my sym gang at ice cold beer. It was a fun night as we played drinking games and ate lots (I like the part where we have to take out the little green man from the glass before we drink and putting him back into the glass). C was with us and I know he is still trying to get over his breakup. He drank too much and got drunk. Seeing how upset he is made me recalled my pain. No worries I am fine already. Just that I wonder how I could make him feel better. I told him to try and get his ex back if he really loves her and if she is adament in not starting over again, then he should move on. I hope you will overcome this period, C. You much be strong.

Yesterday met up with Ljun and we watched Burn After Reading. It quite a funny movie, a little lame and maybe not enough weight on the stroyline but I enjoyed it. It also gave an insight on how people will go to great lengths to attain good looks so as to find a life partner. It doesn't work this way. I don't deny looks matter somewhat when it comes to finding a partner but a lot also depends on the chemistry you have with the person. I will never resort to plastic surgery to look good, like what Frances McDormand's character does in the movie. I exercise to stay in good shape and to be healthy. Exercising will actually do a lot to boost your confidence, reduce stress and keeps one looking young.

Bad financial times now. Got to save and spend less....holding on....holding on.....

8:19pm 19 Oct 2008

So what do you want me to do?

I'm just sick of everything. I want a new life. So what if people thinks I am unfilial, irresponsible or simply don't care? They don't understand or know me at all. They don't know what is happening in my life. It doesn't mean that I don't do or say anything, it shows that I don't care. There is only so much that I can do and I have tried all that I can. If you don't help yourself, what can I do other than watching you go away?

15 Oct 2008 11:06pm

Try harder....

I have been catching the 3rd season of Heroes and the storyline so far is intriguing and thought-provoking. The latest episode showed how selfishness and greed could lead to destruction of a person and to the world. With the downturn of the financial sector and the world economy, I would say it could be caused by these two evils. We see these evils at work in our everyday lives.

Its been tiring and hective at work. I forgot to settle some tasks at the office on friday. Guess I am going to get it from ym manager tomorrow...sigh....two more events for tomorrow and tuesday. I really need a good rest.

sym performed at esplanade today. Its our first performance at the grandest arts venue in singapore and sadly, it didn't turn out as good as we wanted it to be. Due to a lack of time and preparation, we didn't play that well. I hope this serves as a wake up call to everyone, that the progress of this band relies on every single person's effort and commtment. I must say I did not put in my all for this performance and had tried hard with my busy work schedule but I wonder whether I have done enough? During the midst of this performance, a friend of mine told me his gf left him and he was devastated. It reminded me of my breakup last year and as a friend, I did what I could by relating what I learnt from the experience. Be strong my friend...only time can heal all wounds.

I dread tomorrow.....
12 Oct 2008 10:58pm

A Fairytale Wedding

It was a lovely wedding.

My galfriend cin got married on sunday and sdra, emi and I were her bridesmaids, together with a few of her other good friends. I really took my hat off her and her husband for planning such a detailed wedding with unique touches that I didn't or seldom see at other weddings.

The morning gatecrash action by the groom's party was the hilarious one. The groom actually barged in through the window in the bedroom next to the living room! And we didn't get our full red packet amount! The groommen were also a bunch of crazy and funny people. But what touched me in the entire wedding was the MTV they made using scenes from their outdoor photo taking session for the wedding photo album/gallery (oh, you should see how they do up their reception area! Instead of a photo montage, they displayed their wedding photos in a gallery setting. Viewing the pictures on frames and boards and nicely decorated. There were also well-wishes trees and an express photo-taking area for guest to take their picture and get it printed on the spot). It was sweet and loving and cin was so beautiful. The scenes showed how much they care and love each other. Earlier, as emi and I were sitting at the reception counter, I was telling her that seeing everyone around me getting married and attached made me feel a bit dejected about myself...but she said I should enjoy my singlehood and the special someone might not be far away.

But what really made me glad was that the four of us still care and keep in touch with each other after all these years. Cin's wedding brought us all back together again and the feeling was pure nostalgia. Real friends are those who pulled through with you after many years of changes and chapters in your life.

Hectic week ahead.....

11:45pm 7 Oct 2008

a word of thoughts....

in time's grace we find
framed in cloud's breath, hushed in sky
our dreams still, untouched

it's in the future that we find [the reality of] our dreams, so claim it now and dream as often as you can...while you still can

from my dear friend, David Harper.

30 Sept 2008 12:11am

Hectic

I finally got to watched season 3of Heroes. Watched on streaming tv websites which is a bit jerky. It was great. My favourite character is Peter Petrelli. :)

The past week has been extremely hectic. My dept had to move to a new work area within the office, downstairs actually, so my colleague and I were busy moving stuff and doing our work at the same time. There was so much packing done and lots of stuff to sieve through and throw away. On Thursday, my manager talked to me again. She will convert me to a permanent position after all and want me to take over a task that has been vacant for a while. I wasn’t very keen in the task but I thought that maybe I can give it a try and at the same time, help the entire dept in whatever marketing activities are going on, especially during peak period where some of my colleagues will need the extra assistance. My manager called it “floating” around the dept which is helping everyone and I think I will still learn useful things by doing some miscellaneous stuff and handling the duty that my manager wants me to be in charge.
I do worry whether I am trying too hard to deliver and if I have produced good performance; my manager might deem me a failure if I made a mistake. She has high expectation and said unless I did terribly, I should be fine. She answered my queries as to why she always refers me as a temp staff in her correspondence to everyone. She told the whole dept that she will convert me to permanent at a short meeting on Friday.

Ended work late on Friday and then went to school to attend sym’s AGM. I have not been attending their past few AGMs so this one is probably special. Yx was there as well and being the only two alumni there, the feeling was weird and nostalgic. I remembered during my exco’s AGM that year and I was also standing there presenting my office and handling over to the new leader of the office of library. I left after the AGM ended as I had to work the next day. I went back with Au and we updated each other on the train. She is taking a break from sym. I need to quickly practice my part for the upcoming performance. So stressful with work and band!

Yx, 3sa and al came for my event on Saturday and we went to catch Painted Skin, a Chinese movie about a fox spirit who falls in love with a war general and wants to get rid of his wife so as to become his wife. It was a touching story and it taught me that one will really sacrifice a lot for love. It is also possible to fall for someone else when you are already married but still feel committed and responsible to stay in the marriage instead. I guess love will fade in a marriage as time goes on and it takes more than just love to stay together.

Met someone quite cute in the office recently. Well, I just see how things will progress as I continue my work there. :)

28 Sept 2008 9:29pm

Revelation

Time really flies at work. With so many things to handle, every work day just passes by with ease. I got to know my boss better with every week and this week, I came to realize what high expectations she has of her staff. We had an event yesterday and due to a miscommunication and partly my fault as well, the guest list wasn't as long as she expected and she was angry with me for not informing her earlier so that we could ask the sales dept to contact their friends and clients to come for the event. I thought she would do it as I heard her mentioning she has asked the sales dept to stand by when we met up with the event host last week. So when she realised the problem on thursday morning, she told me that I am not needed to help out at an event that afternoon. Instead, use the rest of the day to gather more people for the event. Towards the end of the day, I updated her with the numbers. That night, she called me to ask about the final rsvp and explained why she was angry and I understood and apologised to her. At least she bothered to tell me why she was disappointed and told me to learn from this incident. I learned from my mistake but also came to a view that no matter how much you do or how hard you try at work, it will never be enough for your boss.

Yesterday at work, she seemed to be in a bad mood and actually flared up at me and my colleague when we were late in meeting her at the carpark to go for the event. I felt that she didn't have to react like that although I was sorry that we should have left the office promptly. The event went well and I thought it was not bad although the sales target was not met but the event client told me that the objective of creating awareness for the store was at least achieved. Bought a nice pair of earrings but I still have not gotten a new bag. My bag is spolit. :(

Hope the new week will be better. Another event next week and I hope it will be successful.

So tired......

21 Sept 2008 1:34am

You can't have the whole cake I guess....

Been three weeks at my new job. It has been stressful but I actually enjoy the job scope althought there is a lot of work to do. Lots of coordination, planning and anticipation required. My manager told me that her assessment of my work performance so far is not bad and most likely she will convert me as a permanent position. She still needs time to find out what are my strong and weak points and as long as I do not fail her badly, I will be fine. I felt really encouraged when I heard that. Now I'm just waiting to be confirmed and will continue to put in my best performance. Colleagues are not bad although there are some unfriendly ones, like this designer who is always so grumpy, talks a bit rude and can't seem to get some things right.

Yesterday my company had an event and I helped out at the reception to receive guests and checked their names from the RSVP list. Of course, there are some who claimed they rsvp but are not on the list and some who said they are friends of someone. There was this caucasian guy who is not on the list, gave some company name which we didn't hear of and some guy nearby shout across that he is with him but we don't know who he is. After some probing and trying to explain nicely that this is an invitation-only event, the caucasian guy asked back whether I have anything against americans, is it that I dislike george bush. I was like ??? what the hell? I am just doing my job and I told him I am not against him for anything, just want to prevent gatecrashers from entering the place. My colleague who was with me then told me to just let him in and told him we are not upset with him for anything. She just want to prevent a scene. Sigh....some people should show basic courtesy when turning up for events and don't take things badly if they are refused entry. Just ask nicely.

13 Sept 2008 10:07am

Thank you Stranger!

I was out running earlier.

I thought the rain had stopped so I went for the run even though there was a teeny weeny drizzle but I thought it would stop. It didn't and got heavier when I was like 3/4 of the way. As I was trying to rush back, I was stopped by a commotion outside the primary school near my place, along the sheltered pathway. There is actually a construction going on at the school and a huge construction vehicle (those long lorries that transport construction vehicles like forklifts and cranes) was trying to reverse into the site but ended up blocking the entire road. I was soaking wet and with the passer-bys and the super long vehicle blocking the way, I couldn't pass through so I just stood there and wait while the contruction workers figure out how to get the driver to manoeuver the truck in.

And then, a bespectacled guy who was standing next to me and saw that I was soaked through, offered me a pack of tissue and showed a gesture to wipe my wet face. I was surprised and turn him down at first but he insisted so I accepted the kind offer. So we just stood there and watched the entire drama where the super long vehicle struggled to reverse in with all the other motorists blaring their horns impatiently. All this while, I know this guy was looking over at me but I didn't really looked at him. Guess I was a bit embarrassed being soaked in my sports singlet and shorts. When the road was cleared, all the passer-bys who were standing on either side of the long truck started walking pass the truck. I turned around and thanked him for the tissue. He smiled and I ran back home. What surprised me in this incident was that the guy bothered to offer me tissue paper after seeing that I got wet in the rain. I mean, many singaporeans are not that kind or helpful even when they see someone could need some assistance. I was running so of cos I would be sweaty and with the rain, it made things worse as I got wet all over. Any one who saw me would think its ok or jus simply ignore me. I just wonder what made that guy to bother to offer me tissue paper. Everyone was just standing around, watching and waiting for the road drama to be over and then head on their way. Would anyone bother to see who was standing beside him and see whether he needs help? But I guess he is one of those helpful ones who don't mind lending a hand when he sees one.

Thank you Stranger!

3 Sept 2008 9:55pm

Where do I stand?

Well, its only been a week of work at my new job but somehow I don't feel a sense of belonging? Is it because I am just a contract staff? I'm not sure about that but I don't regret leaving my previous company. Although the workload is heavy here, I like the job scope better. The work environment is not very friendly. People here are not generous with their smiles even when I offered mine. The higher level staff seem to get grumpy or irritated easily. There was this senior whom I approached regarding an external merchant whom we tied up with for a giveaway promotion. There were several emails exchanged between the client and us and I needed this senior staff to update me whether a promotion mechanic that the external partner wants to insert into a writeup is in or not. Her answer wasn't clear, just told me to tell the merchant that we will look into it. And when I emailed her a gentle reminder, she replied back angrily, telling me to stop choking her email and already said she will put in the promotion mechanic but won't let the merchant to proofread. She was being a bit rude but since she is a senior, I decided to ignore it and just email her whenever its necessary. I wasn't sure why she found this whole matter so irritating but if she could just state clearly in the first place on the procedure to handle external partners on joint promotions or simply an answer whether to put in the promotion mechanic, I wouldn't bother her too much. I only felt it was right to reply the external merchant as they sponsored the giveaway prizes. Maybe I still have not understand the culture of the company and might have stepped on the toes of others. Sigh....guess I just need time to get used to the new place and not let minor setbacks affect me. I am trying to cultivate a positive attitude towards everything now. I wonder whether I have impressed my manager so far. Till now, I still feel a bit surprise that she offered me the job. I was wondering whether she employed me because she couldn't find any other replacements?

Cher left for Italy on wed and many of us went to send her off. She was busy talking and taking photos with everyone. We didn't get to have a heart-to-heart talk lately as she was busy preparing for this exchange trip. A bit sad that she won't be around for the next few months. Everyone bade farewell and took one last group photo before she checked in. We waved goodbye till she was out of sight.

Went to catch Wall-E on thursday. It was a funny and endearing movie. Besides showing how determine Wall-e is in saving Eva and the adventure along the way, there was also a side message that the movie was telling. If we don't protect Earth now, we might end up losing it and ourselves and perhaps living artificially in a world that is only about entertainment and nothing else.

There were quite a number of freshies at friday's band practice. The recruitment this year seems pretty good and a lot of the freshies actually hanged out with the group after practice. I didn't feel like drinking and didn't had dinner (I left office late as I was rushing an assignment for my manager. Hope I did it according to what she needs) before practice. A few of them also wanted to have supper so win, lu, ady, faz and I walked to a food centre near bugis to eat. Then we went to chijmes to look for them. Win was telling us jokes that made lu and myself laughed so much. The way she tells jokes is really funny. But sometimes, I feel really old or "out" as I am the only alumni there currently....

Its been a tiring week, having stayed back to do work. I hope next week will be easier.....

31 Aug 2008 12:29am

New Again....

Today was a brand new start for me. New job, new boss, new colleagues. It started rather confusing as there were many things left behind by my predecessor which I need to take over. Things move fast over here. I was quite worried and scared but determinsed to do well. The first day started off a little bumpy but I think I just need time to get used to it. A stylist whom I knew from one of my past job actually recognised me and approached me to say hi. I remembered her but forgotten how she looks like until she came up to me. So surprised and glad to see her as I remember her as always sounding so cheerful and friendly over the phone and in person whenever she contacted me to borrow press items in my old job. Before I came today, I was even wondering whether I might meet her and now we are in the same office.

Well I going to work hard and not disappoint my manager :)

25 Aug 2008 10:51pm

We can't chase happiness

Can we chase after happiness?

I finally realised the answer is no. Remember last week I was upset over a guy who wasn't that interested in me? So I smsed suz and she insisted on meeting me for dinner even though she had planned to meet her bf for movie. We met up to chat and I learned from her that in order to find happiness, you have to let happiness find you. We cannot pursuit happiness because it will not happen this way. You see, I have been trying to search for happiness, looking for the one that I love and will love me back. But it didn't work. I seem to be meeting the wrong guys. By the way, when I smsed suz and told her what was making me unhappy, she had a strong urgency to meet me that evening because there was once she felt unhappy and there was no one to talk to until her friend unexpectedly contacted her for a chat. Suz was reminded of this incident when I smsed her so she knew I really needed someone to talk to.

Today, I met xl for dinner and told her what I learned from suz. She was so touched when she heard what I said. Before today, she has been chasing happiness, looking for the one who will love her. Her mind really opened up after hearing me out. I didn't expect she will have such a reaction but I was really glad my words comforted her. Both of us have been feeling empty lately. We need to find something inside us which we feel fufilled or have good memories of to start off being happy or statisfied with ourselves. It has been a day about learning to be happy. This afternoon, I was watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show on cable tv and the topic was about the pursuit of happiness. Oprah invited an expert on this issue and he suggested that people who are not happy with their life can improve their situation by letting go of their past and be kinder to themselves and to the people around them. It was enlightening to watch that show.

Yesterday (Thursday) was my last day at work. I won't miss the place and the job but I will miss my colleagues as it was these few people that made my time there better, especially on sucky days. A lot of people didn't know that I was leaving. When I was saying goodbye to a director from another department, she commented that I am a person who will maintain good working relations at the expense of achieving work targets. I didn't know I was percieved as such but I guess I could look into this as I move to my new job. I think it is more important to complete work task than maintaning good colleague relations. However, good working relationship is also a neccessity at the workplace in order to get your work done. There have to be a balance between these two aspects.

A brand new start on monday.......
23 Aug 2008 1:12am

Memory Lane at Suntec

Time really flies......its been a year since last year's convocation and here I am again playing for the ceremony. I was at Suntec City since 9am this morning for our performance. The band has been busy with rehearsals for today's convocation for the past week. Although we were at our top form for the competition last month, there will be days when you are at your lows. The performances went well during the past few rehearsals, including last night. However, there were a few hiccups during the actual event but such things do happen. I must commend all my band members for the great work they have put in. It is people like you guys that made me love this band. Even though I am feeling tired, the band kept me going....in a way......apologies to the trombone section for the slight mess up in the solo which our conductor made me took over. :(

A lot of things went through my mind during convocation as the band waited for its turn to play. While the program was proceeding, I was feeling disappointed that our opening piece (El Camino Real) did not shine. There were other things that made me unhappy as well but I will not say it here. But the good thing was we spotted a few potential members among the freshmen. The whole afternoon was nolstagic to me.....bringing back memories of my convocation during my freshmen year. There was this guy who was one of the performers and he really looks like a friend of mine. I asked several of my friends about this guy and then realised its not my friend whom at first I thought he was.

(by the way, in my university, convocation is a ceremony that marks the beginning of an academic year and to welcome the batch of freshmen into the university and is not the graduation ceremony that most unis call it. Our graduation is called commencement instead.)

After the ceremony was over, the band packed up and eli, sy, ms and I went downstairs to the Tangs bazaar sale to have a look but we didn't get anything. None of the perfumes on sale was Kenzo Flower :(. We went back up to grab our stuff and I went back to school with them. I had dinner with ed and gang and then went home with sy. Sy was really tired so we decided to take the train at Marina Bay. But our resting feet were interrupted when the train had to terminate at Dolby Ghaut due to a fault and we had to stand throughout the entire journey as the next train was damn crowded. So much for our attempt to get a seat on our way home.....:(

Counting down to my last day at the hellhole. Looking forward to my new job but there is something that is still bothering me.....

Really tired.....

16 Aug 2008 10:28pm

An Empty Feel...

I was disappointed with him. So what is wrong with me? Why do I always meet the wrong guy? What is missing inside me?
I guess I was feeling empty inside. I am trying to find something to fill up the void and to do that I need someone who loves me and I can love back. Instead, my gf told me I need to believe in a faith to fill up my void first. Never search for a life partner. He will come to you when the time is right. My gf told me that we will never marry the guy that we like but with someone whom we are meant to be with. So she advised me to stop meeting the wrong guys and start realizing what I am doing to myself. I should know more people, get occupied with things that I like to do and stop doing things that will hurt me.
But I’m really not sure….Right now I still enjoy playing in band but lately, I have been feeling lethargic, like I have been doing this for too long and somehow I am not getting any satisfaction from it. The thought of quitting came to my mind. Sometimes I feel alone even though I am with my bandmates playing and having fun. Being one of the few alumni there, there is definitely a gap between me and the rest as they are still university students. Usual conversation that clouds the air are often school stuff, projects, professors which I am in a “been there, done that” stage and what I can only do is offer them advice if they need any. Other than that, I can’t talk much about current school affairs with them. Although when they ask me for working advice, I was more than glad to offer my two-cents worth.
I could probably start believing a bit more in my faith. I’m a Buddhist but I’m just following along as my family is Buddhist. I don’t know much about Buddhist beliefs or teachings but I guess I can find out.

Since I got a new job, I will focus on my career first and work hard to prove myself. This shall be my first step into filling up the void. Staying at my current place will only make me stagnant as I am not learning anything or improving my skills at all. Moreoever, my boss sucks big time!

Counting down.......I will miss my colleagues.....

14 Aug 2008 10:53pm

Oink and riberty-rib!

It was a pretty normal National Day. I organized a dinner with suz and gang where we had steamboat at Shaw Tower. As we were about to finish eating, there were sounds of fireworks coming from outside. Excited, we went out and managed to catch glimpse of the fireworks over the parade happening at the Marina Floating Bay. A lot of passer-bys were standing at the zebra crossing outside the steamboat restaurant just to watch the fireworks. Kev called zz from overseas and I got to talk to him over the phone and wished him good luck for an upcoming audition. (Good Luck Kev! You can do it!) After settling the bill, we went over to TCC for coffee and then to the new Minds Café at Purvis Street. It was really noisy there and for first-timers like Ljun, he found it difficult to be heard. We stayed for a few hours. It was really fun playing those exciting games especially with suz around. We played this animal sound game where we have to call out the other party’s animal sound where two of the same cards appear on the table. To win the game, you must get rid of your stack of cards first. It was hilarious as we thought of difficult animal sounds to make and trying to remember each other’s animals. And we also played this “Ugly” card game where we got our hands red from slapping on the table and a vampire memory game. Maybe I should organize the next gathering there.

Yesterday was suppose to be my usual “nua”(slacking) Sunday but there was convocation rehearsal in school in the evening and I had to drag myself there. Both ms and I actually contemplated not to turn up..haha! I was quite tired as I got home very late the night before and hit the gym in the morning. During the midst of rehearsal, ms told me she felt like she didn’t achieve much in her first year. I told her its only her freshman year and its ok to figure things out first to have a better idea and then decide what challenges to embark. Actually, I also have the same thought. I don’t seem to have achieved much for the past few years, especially in my career. Besides being active in band during school, I don’t have other credentials to boast in my resume. So for the next step that I am going to take, I will really pull up my socks and work hard.

Lately I started having thoughts of spending the rest of my life alone. I mean not being able to meet anyone and settle down. Living the single life. Growing old alone….kind of scary isn’t it? I mean I will really be alone when my parents are no longer around and I’m sure my brother will get married and start his own family. I remember commenting to my girlfriends that I might probably be their children’s godmother since I might not meet the right person anyway. I wonder which is scarier: Growing old alone or dying alone?

I am finally leaving this hellhole. Yup, I have handed in my resignation.

12 Aug 2008 12:37am

What is Love?

So what is love?

A friend asked me that question lately. She was having problems with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend couldn't spend much time with her due to his work commitments and even sms and calls to my gf is a challenge to him. She has a problem with that but the guy don't think there is a problem. I advised my girlfriend that if she loves him, she needs to sort this out and stand by his boyfriend. And she asked me back, "What is Love?"

I couldn't answer that question immediately and was dumbfounded for a moment. I have difficulties evaluating the meaning of love. Does liking someone necessarily lead to love? Recently, I got to know this guy. We met up a few times and although the time I knew him was short, I really like him. He said to me that he like me too but he doesn't seem to find out stuff about me or try to get to know me better. I wanted to know him better but found it hard to do so as he doesn't open up to me whenever I talk to him. I started to wonder if he has some secrets that he didn't want me to know or its his character that he does not open up easily to people. That day, I told him that I really like him and he matters a lot to me. He seemed pleased to know that but did not reveal how he felt about me exactly. I was a bit upset and then realised that maybe he is not that into me. A friend once told me never let a guy know that you are interested in him or else his ego will get bigger and feel pretty smug about it. I guess it was a mistake to tell him. He must be feeling damn good to know some girl likes him. There is no point in liking someone who is not keen in knowing you better and only wants to have fun with you. Maybe he was just patronizing me? Hmm......I know its wierd to like someone in such a short period of time but what attracts two person to each other is the chemistry. Maybe what we had was that instant chemistry and nothing more.....it really takes two hands to clap. Only time will tell whether things will take a different turn between us.

A major turn of events .....coming soon....

3 Aug 2008 3:50pm

Cute long-awaited visit

I went for my first dental visit in ten years....sounds terrible right? I know but its because I have a phobia of going to the dentist since young. When I was in primay school, I had a bad experience with the dental nurse who is always so fierce and unfriendly and the process was painful, with all that drilling and scraping....and bleeding...:( my last visit was in secondary 4.

Well anyway, I made an appointment and turned up for the check up cum cleaning service on thursday. Heard a faint drilling sound and was feeling a bit nervous while waiting for my turn. Prior to that day, the clinic even sent an sms to remind me of my appointment and to call them to confirm it. I forgot to call them the night before and the clinic called to confirm the appointment with me. hmm...quite efficient service.....And so I waited for my turn and then a door was opened in front of me and a lady called my name. Went into the room and was greeted by my dentist. He sounded friendly and looked cute too....hehe..although he was wearing a face mask and I could only see half his face. The cleaning process was uncomfortable as it was painful at some parts but the cute dentist and his nurse were friendly and assuring so I went through the whole process unharmed. haha.......the treatment cost me $115 becaue I had to take an additional flouride treatment as I have deep valleys of stains on my molars and the dentist reccommended I take it to prevent decay. Oh...I obliged whatever he said....:)

Yesterday I met CH for a movie. We watched The X-Files but it wasn't that mysterious or supernatural enough. I would highly recommend that you wait for the DVD release. Met joy and K at the National Museum of Singapore where the Night Festival was going on. The museum was opened to the public for free and so I went in to meet them and we went around viewing the exhibits. It was fun catching up with the two of them as we have not seen each other for at least a year. It was really crowded inside the museum and everyone was attracted to this giant-sized renaissance statue of a nude man who was in pink floral prints. We took funny shots with him such as posing a kissing shot with the statue (His name was David) but the effect was not realistic enough :p.

I think I have band fatigue...need a short break from it. Still having that aimless and lost feeling.....

27 Jul 2008 7:26pm

Its what you do that defines you

The band organised a dinner and dance on tuesday at the penthouse to celebrate our victory at the competition. I was late and when I stepped into room, the recording of el camino real was being played. Kind of awkward as everyone was listening intently to it. I quickly sat down next to pao and was in time to listen to the slow movement. I thought to myself "this is good". After that, pao told us the incident of this group of people who was sitting behind him at vch when we were on stage to perform and they whispered "F**k" after we played our tuning chord. They were amazed that we sounded like an organ. Pao went on to say that the entire stage was vibrating with our beat during the John Williams March. He felt our impact. The evening went on with eating and talking, random photo-takings, video presentations. Then my conductor appeared with the wines. They played the two recordings again and I was proud that we sounded like that. It wasn't flawless but to have achieved what we had was a milestone in our 5 year history. yx said we should let vic and the others hear this. I agree. When the music started, I sat down with yx and pao instead of joining the others for dance. I feel ancient to join in the fun with them. Instead we chatted at the table.

I went on MC the next day. Somehow I must have ate something wrong that made me vomitted 3 times that day and I had body aches all over, especially my back. I couldn't eat anything at all until the evening where I took a light porridge.

So I went back to work on thurday and was told by my colleagues the previous day's happenings. Apparently my boss felt that I don't have much to do at work. I was really upset when I heard this so I wrote an email to my boss stating the entire list of tasks that are under my charge. And she replied back, giving an answer to every item that I listed to make it seem like every task that I am doing is trivial and easy. She obviously do not understand what is going on in my daily work. She doesn't see what I am doing for her at all. Oh well, I try to take things in my stride now. I won't stay in this hellhole for long.

There was a visit by a friend who have been away for a long time on Friday's rehearsal. I was so glad to see him. Ken told me he missed playing while he was recovering from a fever at the hospital. Welcome back!

Caught The Dark Knight with suz, YA and sw at Tampines Mall. The movie is good, especially Heath Ledger. It was just as depicted in the news. His performance as The Joker was excellent. Just as good as Jack Nicholson's or probably even better. But its sad that Heath is gone. We had dinner at Swensen after the movie. I ordered a Cheesy Steak Sandwich (If I remembered the name correctly) and the beef was not tender enough. A bit too chewy. The service wasn't efficient as the service staff did not bring us the basket of cutlery after we ordered. When the appetizer was served, we had no utensils and had to remind the waiter to bring it to us. But I guess they might be shorthanded that day.Did a bit of shopping with yh after suz and the others left for church. Tampines Central is like a mini Orchard Road during weekends. It was so crowded!

That night when Ken came for practice, he mentioned about learning another instrument so I suggested the oboe as he has a related skill in bassoon. Then I started thinking if I should learn something else or move on to a new activity. What would I be doing if I am not playing in band?

Its not what is beneath...its what you do that defines you....
20 July 2008 8:16pm