Where do I stand?

Well, its only been a week of work at my new job but somehow I don't feel a sense of belonging? Is it because I am just a contract staff? I'm not sure about that but I don't regret leaving my previous company. Although the workload is heavy here, I like the job scope better. The work environment is not very friendly. People here are not generous with their smiles even when I offered mine. The higher level staff seem to get grumpy or irritated easily. There was this senior whom I approached regarding an external merchant whom we tied up with for a giveaway promotion. There were several emails exchanged between the client and us and I needed this senior staff to update me whether a promotion mechanic that the external partner wants to insert into a writeup is in or not. Her answer wasn't clear, just told me to tell the merchant that we will look into it. And when I emailed her a gentle reminder, she replied back angrily, telling me to stop choking her email and already said she will put in the promotion mechanic but won't let the merchant to proofread. She was being a bit rude but since she is a senior, I decided to ignore it and just email her whenever its necessary. I wasn't sure why she found this whole matter so irritating but if she could just state clearly in the first place on the procedure to handle external partners on joint promotions or simply an answer whether to put in the promotion mechanic, I wouldn't bother her too much. I only felt it was right to reply the external merchant as they sponsored the giveaway prizes. Maybe I still have not understand the culture of the company and might have stepped on the toes of others. Sigh....guess I just need time to get used to the new place and not let minor setbacks affect me. I am trying to cultivate a positive attitude towards everything now. I wonder whether I have impressed my manager so far. Till now, I still feel a bit surprise that she offered me the job. I was wondering whether she employed me because she couldn't find any other replacements?

Cher left for Italy on wed and many of us went to send her off. She was busy talking and taking photos with everyone. We didn't get to have a heart-to-heart talk lately as she was busy preparing for this exchange trip. A bit sad that she won't be around for the next few months. Everyone bade farewell and took one last group photo before she checked in. We waved goodbye till she was out of sight.

Went to catch Wall-E on thursday. It was a funny and endearing movie. Besides showing how determine Wall-e is in saving Eva and the adventure along the way, there was also a side message that the movie was telling. If we don't protect Earth now, we might end up losing it and ourselves and perhaps living artificially in a world that is only about entertainment and nothing else.

There were quite a number of freshies at friday's band practice. The recruitment this year seems pretty good and a lot of the freshies actually hanged out with the group after practice. I didn't feel like drinking and didn't had dinner (I left office late as I was rushing an assignment for my manager. Hope I did it according to what she needs) before practice. A few of them also wanted to have supper so win, lu, ady, faz and I walked to a food centre near bugis to eat. Then we went to chijmes to look for them. Win was telling us jokes that made lu and myself laughed so much. The way she tells jokes is really funny. But sometimes, I feel really old or "out" as I am the only alumni there currently....

Its been a tiring week, having stayed back to do work. I hope next week will be easier.....

31 Aug 2008 12:29am

New Again....

Today was a brand new start for me. New job, new boss, new colleagues. It started rather confusing as there were many things left behind by my predecessor which I need to take over. Things move fast over here. I was quite worried and scared but determinsed to do well. The first day started off a little bumpy but I think I just need time to get used to it. A stylist whom I knew from one of my past job actually recognised me and approached me to say hi. I remembered her but forgotten how she looks like until she came up to me. So surprised and glad to see her as I remember her as always sounding so cheerful and friendly over the phone and in person whenever she contacted me to borrow press items in my old job. Before I came today, I was even wondering whether I might meet her and now we are in the same office.

Well I going to work hard and not disappoint my manager :)

25 Aug 2008 10:51pm

We can't chase happiness

Can we chase after happiness?

I finally realised the answer is no. Remember last week I was upset over a guy who wasn't that interested in me? So I smsed suz and she insisted on meeting me for dinner even though she had planned to meet her bf for movie. We met up to chat and I learned from her that in order to find happiness, you have to let happiness find you. We cannot pursuit happiness because it will not happen this way. You see, I have been trying to search for happiness, looking for the one that I love and will love me back. But it didn't work. I seem to be meeting the wrong guys. By the way, when I smsed suz and told her what was making me unhappy, she had a strong urgency to meet me that evening because there was once she felt unhappy and there was no one to talk to until her friend unexpectedly contacted her for a chat. Suz was reminded of this incident when I smsed her so she knew I really needed someone to talk to.

Today, I met xl for dinner and told her what I learned from suz. She was so touched when she heard what I said. Before today, she has been chasing happiness, looking for the one who will love her. Her mind really opened up after hearing me out. I didn't expect she will have such a reaction but I was really glad my words comforted her. Both of us have been feeling empty lately. We need to find something inside us which we feel fufilled or have good memories of to start off being happy or statisfied with ourselves. It has been a day about learning to be happy. This afternoon, I was watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show on cable tv and the topic was about the pursuit of happiness. Oprah invited an expert on this issue and he suggested that people who are not happy with their life can improve their situation by letting go of their past and be kinder to themselves and to the people around them. It was enlightening to watch that show.

Yesterday (Thursday) was my last day at work. I won't miss the place and the job but I will miss my colleagues as it was these few people that made my time there better, especially on sucky days. A lot of people didn't know that I was leaving. When I was saying goodbye to a director from another department, she commented that I am a person who will maintain good working relations at the expense of achieving work targets. I didn't know I was percieved as such but I guess I could look into this as I move to my new job. I think it is more important to complete work task than maintaning good colleague relations. However, good working relationship is also a neccessity at the workplace in order to get your work done. There have to be a balance between these two aspects.

A brand new start on monday.......
23 Aug 2008 1:12am

Memory Lane at Suntec

Time really flies......its been a year since last year's convocation and here I am again playing for the ceremony. I was at Suntec City since 9am this morning for our performance. The band has been busy with rehearsals for today's convocation for the past week. Although we were at our top form for the competition last month, there will be days when you are at your lows. The performances went well during the past few rehearsals, including last night. However, there were a few hiccups during the actual event but such things do happen. I must commend all my band members for the great work they have put in. It is people like you guys that made me love this band. Even though I am feeling tired, the band kept me going....in a way......apologies to the trombone section for the slight mess up in the solo which our conductor made me took over. :(

A lot of things went through my mind during convocation as the band waited for its turn to play. While the program was proceeding, I was feeling disappointed that our opening piece (El Camino Real) did not shine. There were other things that made me unhappy as well but I will not say it here. But the good thing was we spotted a few potential members among the freshmen. The whole afternoon was nolstagic to me.....bringing back memories of my convocation during my freshmen year. There was this guy who was one of the performers and he really looks like a friend of mine. I asked several of my friends about this guy and then realised its not my friend whom at first I thought he was.

(by the way, in my university, convocation is a ceremony that marks the beginning of an academic year and to welcome the batch of freshmen into the university and is not the graduation ceremony that most unis call it. Our graduation is called commencement instead.)

After the ceremony was over, the band packed up and eli, sy, ms and I went downstairs to the Tangs bazaar sale to have a look but we didn't get anything. None of the perfumes on sale was Kenzo Flower :(. We went back up to grab our stuff and I went back to school with them. I had dinner with ed and gang and then went home with sy. Sy was really tired so we decided to take the train at Marina Bay. But our resting feet were interrupted when the train had to terminate at Dolby Ghaut due to a fault and we had to stand throughout the entire journey as the next train was damn crowded. So much for our attempt to get a seat on our way home.....:(

Counting down to my last day at the hellhole. Looking forward to my new job but there is something that is still bothering me.....

Really tired.....

16 Aug 2008 10:28pm

An Empty Feel...

I was disappointed with him. So what is wrong with me? Why do I always meet the wrong guy? What is missing inside me?
I guess I was feeling empty inside. I am trying to find something to fill up the void and to do that I need someone who loves me and I can love back. Instead, my gf told me I need to believe in a faith to fill up my void first. Never search for a life partner. He will come to you when the time is right. My gf told me that we will never marry the guy that we like but with someone whom we are meant to be with. So she advised me to stop meeting the wrong guys and start realizing what I am doing to myself. I should know more people, get occupied with things that I like to do and stop doing things that will hurt me.
But I’m really not sure….Right now I still enjoy playing in band but lately, I have been feeling lethargic, like I have been doing this for too long and somehow I am not getting any satisfaction from it. The thought of quitting came to my mind. Sometimes I feel alone even though I am with my bandmates playing and having fun. Being one of the few alumni there, there is definitely a gap between me and the rest as they are still university students. Usual conversation that clouds the air are often school stuff, projects, professors which I am in a “been there, done that” stage and what I can only do is offer them advice if they need any. Other than that, I can’t talk much about current school affairs with them. Although when they ask me for working advice, I was more than glad to offer my two-cents worth.
I could probably start believing a bit more in my faith. I’m a Buddhist but I’m just following along as my family is Buddhist. I don’t know much about Buddhist beliefs or teachings but I guess I can find out.

Since I got a new job, I will focus on my career first and work hard to prove myself. This shall be my first step into filling up the void. Staying at my current place will only make me stagnant as I am not learning anything or improving my skills at all. Moreoever, my boss sucks big time!

Counting down.......I will miss my colleagues.....

14 Aug 2008 10:53pm

Oink and riberty-rib!

It was a pretty normal National Day. I organized a dinner with suz and gang where we had steamboat at Shaw Tower. As we were about to finish eating, there were sounds of fireworks coming from outside. Excited, we went out and managed to catch glimpse of the fireworks over the parade happening at the Marina Floating Bay. A lot of passer-bys were standing at the zebra crossing outside the steamboat restaurant just to watch the fireworks. Kev called zz from overseas and I got to talk to him over the phone and wished him good luck for an upcoming audition. (Good Luck Kev! You can do it!) After settling the bill, we went over to TCC for coffee and then to the new Minds Café at Purvis Street. It was really noisy there and for first-timers like Ljun, he found it difficult to be heard. We stayed for a few hours. It was really fun playing those exciting games especially with suz around. We played this animal sound game where we have to call out the other party’s animal sound where two of the same cards appear on the table. To win the game, you must get rid of your stack of cards first. It was hilarious as we thought of difficult animal sounds to make and trying to remember each other’s animals. And we also played this “Ugly” card game where we got our hands red from slapping on the table and a vampire memory game. Maybe I should organize the next gathering there.

Yesterday was suppose to be my usual “nua”(slacking) Sunday but there was convocation rehearsal in school in the evening and I had to drag myself there. Both ms and I actually contemplated not to turn up..haha! I was quite tired as I got home very late the night before and hit the gym in the morning. During the midst of rehearsal, ms told me she felt like she didn’t achieve much in her first year. I told her its only her freshman year and its ok to figure things out first to have a better idea and then decide what challenges to embark. Actually, I also have the same thought. I don’t seem to have achieved much for the past few years, especially in my career. Besides being active in band during school, I don’t have other credentials to boast in my resume. So for the next step that I am going to take, I will really pull up my socks and work hard.

Lately I started having thoughts of spending the rest of my life alone. I mean not being able to meet anyone and settle down. Living the single life. Growing old alone….kind of scary isn’t it? I mean I will really be alone when my parents are no longer around and I’m sure my brother will get married and start his own family. I remember commenting to my girlfriends that I might probably be their children’s godmother since I might not meet the right person anyway. I wonder which is scarier: Growing old alone or dying alone?

I am finally leaving this hellhole. Yup, I have handed in my resignation.

12 Aug 2008 12:37am

What is Love?

So what is love?

A friend asked me that question lately. She was having problems with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend couldn't spend much time with her due to his work commitments and even sms and calls to my gf is a challenge to him. She has a problem with that but the guy don't think there is a problem. I advised my girlfriend that if she loves him, she needs to sort this out and stand by his boyfriend. And she asked me back, "What is Love?"

I couldn't answer that question immediately and was dumbfounded for a moment. I have difficulties evaluating the meaning of love. Does liking someone necessarily lead to love? Recently, I got to know this guy. We met up a few times and although the time I knew him was short, I really like him. He said to me that he like me too but he doesn't seem to find out stuff about me or try to get to know me better. I wanted to know him better but found it hard to do so as he doesn't open up to me whenever I talk to him. I started to wonder if he has some secrets that he didn't want me to know or its his character that he does not open up easily to people. That day, I told him that I really like him and he matters a lot to me. He seemed pleased to know that but did not reveal how he felt about me exactly. I was a bit upset and then realised that maybe he is not that into me. A friend once told me never let a guy know that you are interested in him or else his ego will get bigger and feel pretty smug about it. I guess it was a mistake to tell him. He must be feeling damn good to know some girl likes him. There is no point in liking someone who is not keen in knowing you better and only wants to have fun with you. Maybe he was just patronizing me? Hmm......I know its wierd to like someone in such a short period of time but what attracts two person to each other is the chemistry. Maybe what we had was that instant chemistry and nothing more.....it really takes two hands to clap. Only time will tell whether things will take a different turn between us.

A major turn of events .....coming soon....

3 Aug 2008 3:50pm