How am I perceived

Friday's rehearsal sucked for me. Not sure if that day's event affected my mood or that I didn't get to have dinner before practice and was playing on an empty stomach or that I have been too tired but I sounded bad for my solo. I'm worried for the competition. After practice, I went outside the hall and played in the open area to project out my sound. Sounded better compared to rehearsal. Tomorrow's rehearsal will be at Victoria Concert Hall. Only chance to achieve that sound and push hard. Sigh..... I was supposed to meet up my poly band gang that night but it was late after we left school and finished eating supper. The bus services had ended so I couldn't make my way to holland village. Went back with sy instead. I miss my poly band gang......the hangout sessions that we often had. I wonder how is everyone doing.

A friend of mine told me that I give her a negative vibe. She did not mean that I am a terrible friend or a bad person but my outlook on life and career seems to carry a negative feel. I was relating to her the difficulties I encountered at work and my opinion on my career. She could find a question to counteract everything single problem or reason that I brought up about my work issues and why I wanted a marketing career. I wanted to know whether it is wrong to seek a job that you are truly passionate about and want to give your full commitment. Its been two years since I came to the working world after graduating from university. I thought it is a normal process that you are still trying to figure out what you want to do in a lifelong career. Like what a manager previously told me, it has not been that long since I graduated. If I have decided on a career that I can see myself in for my entire working life, stick to it and you will find success. Another thing that my friend told me was that I must always speak from my heart whenever others question me on my career choice. Because people can easily sense your insincerity or uncertainty about yourself. They can tell whether you are speaking from your heart or just displaying good PR skills when talking to anyone. Sigh...am I really negative or insincere? I have never thought myself to be such a person and I have never wanted to be like this. This is not me but why do people think I am such?

So who am I?
6 July 2008 9:58pm