In doubt......

Band practice on friday didn't end that well. My conductor lost his temper at one of our sections for not practising their parts for the coming competition. He kept harping on the issue of commitment. Why is it that people could not keep their word when they have promised to take part in the competition and not work towards it? If they can't commit themselves to come for practices, then they should not have agreed to play in the first place. He felt that that a lot of people nowadays seem to lack the level of commitment when they have made a promise to do something. In all my years of playing in a concert band when I was a student and now as a full-time employee in the working world, I would say its all about choices. It is whether you choose to put in the time and effort. You choose what you are passionate about based on your interest. You choose your priorities, the things that are important to you.

My conductor mentioned before that the young generation of today aspires to be everything. They want to try everything and do everything to succeed in life. Maybe that is why we choose band, work and other things at the same time thinking we can balance them all but in the end, we failed. I guess my conductor failed to understand that sometimes it is not just about a lack of commitment. There are many factors that cause our failure to achieve results on tasks or things that we want to do or promised to deliver. It can be stress from work, lack of motivation, lack of resources or uncertainties on how to perform. I think the section just lacked the motivation to perform and not because they don't have the commitment.

Studies and work are of top priority to us because we depend on them for a living. As many of us are working and serving internships now, we have less time for practice. And when you compare the level of importance, it is definitely work. However, if there is motivation then everyone will be pushed and encouraged to put in some time for practice. To me, playing in the band is my interest and it is the interest that is motivating me to perform but realistically speaking, I have to put my career at the top of my list as I cannot survive without it. If the time comes and I have to choose, then it is with a heavy heart that I have to leave the band.

Went to Ikea yesterday to get a new table for my computer at just $50! haha....Ljun went with me. The store was filled with the weekend crowd but I got to taste those delicious swedish meatballs for dinners. : ) It is during such weekend shopping that you see the ugly side of singaporeans on their inconsiderate behaviours. Like when Ljun and I were waiting in the taxi queue, the family in front of us just left their empty trolley in the queue when they got on the cab and another couple in front of us was kind in pushing the trolley to one side and passed it to an Ikea staff who was there to collect empty trolleys. Also, that inconsiderate family's baby toddler was roaming around, came to our trolley and grabbed my stuff. The mum quickly put it back but didn't say a word of apology. So terrible! I am not against anyone but I wonder why I always see this behaviour from this particular group of people. And this just makes me dislike them and I never wanted to dislike them. Another pet peeves that pisses me off is why some parents don't apologised for their young children's rowdy or rude bahaviour in public. Do they think that just because they are children, their inappropriate behaviour can be easily dismissed? Seriously, some people are not good parents and should not be parents.

We managed to catch a movie before heading to Ikea. Wanted was so-so to me but the visual effects and action scenes are great! The movie gave a reflection point that we have no right to decide who lives and who dies in our world just by going on fate. If that is the case, do we have a right to sentence criminals to death penalty for the grave crimes that they commit?

A major decision ahead to decide.......

29 June 2008 10:56pm

The heat is on..

I'm starting to feel the heat...
I need to get my act together in 3 weeks' time. My conductor said I know my notes well but I need to perform my solo rather than just play it. My friend said I sounded good and just need to have vibratio in the high notes of that 4-bar phrase. I wonder if I can get it in three weeks time. After practice ended, I was talking to ms and my conductor walked over, telling me to "sing" for my solo. stress.....: (

My colleague invited me to her friends' BBQ gathering yesterday. It was at a condominium so my colleague and I had a swim when we got there. (And we went for another dip after eating too full...haha).Her friends are all in their late thirties, married with children. They are all friendly people and I think its great they have such gatherings to catch up and even brought their kids along. Although my colleague kept me company, I somewhat felt a bit wierd as I am of a slightly different group from them. I am single, not married and definitely no kids. As some of their conversations revolved around their children, I could only listen. And they converse mostly in hokkien. I can't speak the dialect that fluent and only understand a fair bit of it but I managed to catch what they were saying. It was funny seeing how they joke with each other, especially when one of my colleague's friend got drunk. On the whole, it was an enjoyable evening.

I wonder what the new week will bring...I hope its good

22 June 2008 8:54pm

Unfruitful.....so far....

Sometimes I wonder if I should bother so much. We had sectional practice today. Being three weeks away from competition, our progress as a section is little. After Jos left, I spoke to my section mates on what I felt about our preparation for the competition. Individual tone is not good, some tend to rush or slow down the tempo, techniques are not strong. Most importantly, the humbleness and the "I-can-do-it" mentality is not present in my section mates. Some are ignorant of their own mistakes, some lack the confidence. As an alumni, I wonder why am I worrying so much for the band since I have already graduated long ago and these maters are not in my hands to control. Why do I seem to stress over the competition more than the current students in the band? Sigh....I'm praying hard things will turn better in the coming weeks or else we will fail. Should I even bother to practice hard for this since the others don't seem to care?

Situation at the office frustrates me these few days.... :(

20 June 2008 12:52am

Bad Friday Morning

Friday the 13th.......yes, the day didn't start off that well.
My boss has to attend a medical and dental appointment and instructed me to attend the meeting that morning. It went ok until my GM asked me about this particular material which he wanted to be out on 1 June and we were already late. The last I recalled was that the layout was already done except for two pictures that needed to be replaced and its ready to go once the other relevant dept confirms the information. I told my GM I will check and get back to him. When the meeting ended, my colleague told me the revised layout was circulated on Wed (I was on MC that day so I wasn't around). I called my other colleague where the material is sent to and learnt that it is still with them! No wonder my GM didn't see it! And that nasty director said nothing at all when my GM asked at the meeting as the material is circulated to him first for approval. Damn bad....
My boss came back in the afternoon and my GM had a short meeting with her. Apparently he is not happy that my dept did not give support for a promotion that was organised by that nasty director's dept. There wasn't very much marketing support that we can do simply because the promotion was confirmed very late...on Tuesday! Can you believe having a promotion on Friday and details with the external partner was only confirmed three days before? We managed to provide the internal collaterals (posters and stuff..) despite the rush. Anyway, my dept will now work as fast as we can to avoid such situations but this will only happen if they can confirm details early.

Band practice that night started with brass sectional on el camino real and then we had full band rehearsal. Yx took us and after the practice ended, he commented that we still don't know the piece and this is crucial for the competition. A bit demoralising...I stayed back to practice my part and yx sat beside me. Stress.... I told him how I tried the methods he taught me and hm during the preparation for the last competition and it was so difficult and tiring. We laughed it off as I realised I need intensive practice for my solo. He gave me a few pointers which I found it helpful. One month to go till competition.....

I met up with my sec sch girlfriends to celebrate shir's birthday. Had dinner at cineleisure and then bowling. It was a simple celebration. We started talking about birthday wishes and one of my girlfriends said she hopes to settle down with her boyfriend soon. She brought up the topic to her boyfriend but her boyfriend didn't seem to make any indication that he wants to marry her although he also wants to settle down. She feels it sounded bad this way that she is the one who brought up the "settle down" topic first. I agree with her 'cos it is not a good idea for the girl to make the first move when it comes to the marrying question. I started to think about myself. I mean will I ever get to settle down with my life partner? My previous relationship was a failure and I thought I found the one. And after all these months. I think I have become numb? Its like I don't know if I should keep on trying or just give up trying to be happy? Maybe happiness will come to me when I stop searching for it? I guess the process of finding love has wore me out. Should I stop trying and enjoy my singlehood first? My married colleagues advised me so.

We left the bowling alley quite late. Actually I didn't play as I was tired but I enjoyed watching my girls play.

Another birthday celebration...another year goes by.....

15 June 2008 7:34pm