He asked how I am today amid the rush of work

Lots of things happened in the past month. My bosses threw me a bomb when they told me that they would like me to go over to a new business unit. I didn't have much choice. Although I didn't like it, I just went along with it. I only know that I will miss my colleagues here.

At band, things were wobbly. Only finally decided last week that the band will go for the competition in Sydney despite the HINI flu pandemic. Precautions need to be taken. I was just really disappointed at how the exco handled the situtation. Our playing is still not up to par. Team spirit and morale is down. Everyone is just not motivated. I am just so worried how the outcome of the competition will affect the members. I am also worried with my parts, still couldn't reach my high As and Bs. This time next week, we will be facing our challenge...I'm praying....

One of my close colleague just resigned. She came by last week to see us at our event and we caught up on recent happenings. As usual, we were talking about work, gossiping and bitching....All these while we were saying how this place has changed us, how it made us see the bad side and good side of us. And then there was the topic on relationship. My colleague was saying relationships are fragile. For someone who thought they have found their life partner, things can change down the road and things will break up. So there is always a possibility that a person who is attached can change their mind about their partner and fall for someone else. I was thinking whether is it ok to fall for someone who is attached and let that person know? I am not a relationship breaker. I am not that type of girl who purposely snatches someone's else boyfriend. I believe that out there, there is a person whom you are meant to be with your whole life. Your soul mate. Even if at that point of time when you meet him or her, they are with someone else. But the future is unknown. You might never know that person might be meant for you. What is meant to be, will be.... I just don't want to regret later in life and ponder what if I have told him?

Last thur's event is probably my last event. But it was fun for one part.

I tendered my resignation last week and I know I made the right choice. I know my boss will never give me a permanent position. She just doesn't appreciate me. Still lots of work to do in the weeks ahead. Having jitters about the trip.

I should have paused and talked to him when he was asking about me today....

30 Jun 2009, 11.31pm

first death

I had my first encounter with death this weekend. My pet dog of 13 years passed on. During his last hours, even though he was weak, he still tried to stand up and walk, probably to show us he is here one last time and also to be close to my mum. I remember the look in his eyes as he struggled before I left house. He knew I was there. I was checking on him to see if he needed water but I really didn't know what to do. Only when I was out that my brother told me he is not doing well. He took my dog back to a hospital and we got news this morning that he has passed away. In a way it was some relief as I did not want to see him suffer. It was really painful and I couldn't face it. I didn't accompany them to collect his body because I really couldn't take it. I went to the gym instead. Really sad but I am glad he is not suffering and is not in pain anymore.

I realised that maybe I am not strong enough to face such adversity. Age did not give me enough strength and wisdom. Win, my symphonia friend, who is years younger than me actually consoled me, told me that I should be glad he lived such a long life. Sean smsed me a hug and sy sms me 5.30 in the morning to tell me to cheer up. These little gestures meant so much to me when I was feeling down. Thanks guys...

24 May 2009, 9.47pm

a little bit better

Today we had sectional practice. Yx came to teach us and will be our tutor for now till the competition in july. For the first time after so long (i think since NBC last year), I sounded so much better today. The tone I was producing was nicer and cleaner. Hopefully to play great by july, achieving a nice sound for my section (with ms), if not, better than how I sounded in the first NBC.

Yesterday was sucky at work. Mood was terrible. I was so upset but today I felt better, still learning to accept things the way they are. The practice tonight helped a lot.

14 May 2009, 12:35am

Work has been rather mundane lately. Because I am handling more admin stuff than usual. I don't mind doing it but I don't see how this is helping me. I wonder if my boss has some prejudice against me. I heard too many things lately. I don't want to be a pawn. I deserve better.

The situation at home is rather quiet lately. I just try to take things easy. But not bothering doesn't mean I don't care.

Am I going through a vicious cycle?

11 May 2009, 1:30am