In doubt......

Band practice on friday didn't end that well. My conductor lost his temper at one of our sections for not practising their parts for the coming competition. He kept harping on the issue of commitment. Why is it that people could not keep their word when they have promised to take part in the competition and not work towards it? If they can't commit themselves to come for practices, then they should not have agreed to play in the first place. He felt that that a lot of people nowadays seem to lack the level of commitment when they have made a promise to do something. In all my years of playing in a concert band when I was a student and now as a full-time employee in the working world, I would say its all about choices. It is whether you choose to put in the time and effort. You choose what you are passionate about based on your interest. You choose your priorities, the things that are important to you.

My conductor mentioned before that the young generation of today aspires to be everything. They want to try everything and do everything to succeed in life. Maybe that is why we choose band, work and other things at the same time thinking we can balance them all but in the end, we failed. I guess my conductor failed to understand that sometimes it is not just about a lack of commitment. There are many factors that cause our failure to achieve results on tasks or things that we want to do or promised to deliver. It can be stress from work, lack of motivation, lack of resources or uncertainties on how to perform. I think the section just lacked the motivation to perform and not because they don't have the commitment.

Studies and work are of top priority to us because we depend on them for a living. As many of us are working and serving internships now, we have less time for practice. And when you compare the level of importance, it is definitely work. However, if there is motivation then everyone will be pushed and encouraged to put in some time for practice. To me, playing in the band is my interest and it is the interest that is motivating me to perform but realistically speaking, I have to put my career at the top of my list as I cannot survive without it. If the time comes and I have to choose, then it is with a heavy heart that I have to leave the band.

Went to Ikea yesterday to get a new table for my computer at just $50! haha....Ljun went with me. The store was filled with the weekend crowd but I got to taste those delicious swedish meatballs for dinners. : ) It is during such weekend shopping that you see the ugly side of singaporeans on their inconsiderate behaviours. Like when Ljun and I were waiting in the taxi queue, the family in front of us just left their empty trolley in the queue when they got on the cab and another couple in front of us was kind in pushing the trolley to one side and passed it to an Ikea staff who was there to collect empty trolleys. Also, that inconsiderate family's baby toddler was roaming around, came to our trolley and grabbed my stuff. The mum quickly put it back but didn't say a word of apology. So terrible! I am not against anyone but I wonder why I always see this behaviour from this particular group of people. And this just makes me dislike them and I never wanted to dislike them. Another pet peeves that pisses me off is why some parents don't apologised for their young children's rowdy or rude bahaviour in public. Do they think that just because they are children, their inappropriate behaviour can be easily dismissed? Seriously, some people are not good parents and should not be parents.

We managed to catch a movie before heading to Ikea. Wanted was so-so to me but the visual effects and action scenes are great! The movie gave a reflection point that we have no right to decide who lives and who dies in our world just by going on fate. If that is the case, do we have a right to sentence criminals to death penalty for the grave crimes that they commit?

A major decision ahead to decide.......

29 June 2008 10:56pm

The heat is on..

I'm starting to feel the heat...
I need to get my act together in 3 weeks' time. My conductor said I know my notes well but I need to perform my solo rather than just play it. My friend said I sounded good and just need to have vibratio in the high notes of that 4-bar phrase. I wonder if I can get it in three weeks time. After practice ended, I was talking to ms and my conductor walked over, telling me to "sing" for my solo. stress.....: (

My colleague invited me to her friends' BBQ gathering yesterday. It was at a condominium so my colleague and I had a swim when we got there. (And we went for another dip after eating too full...haha).Her friends are all in their late thirties, married with children. They are all friendly people and I think its great they have such gatherings to catch up and even brought their kids along. Although my colleague kept me company, I somewhat felt a bit wierd as I am of a slightly different group from them. I am single, not married and definitely no kids. As some of their conversations revolved around their children, I could only listen. And they converse mostly in hokkien. I can't speak the dialect that fluent and only understand a fair bit of it but I managed to catch what they were saying. It was funny seeing how they joke with each other, especially when one of my colleague's friend got drunk. On the whole, it was an enjoyable evening.

I wonder what the new week will bring...I hope its good

22 June 2008 8:54pm

Unfruitful.....so far....

Sometimes I wonder if I should bother so much. We had sectional practice today. Being three weeks away from competition, our progress as a section is little. After Jos left, I spoke to my section mates on what I felt about our preparation for the competition. Individual tone is not good, some tend to rush or slow down the tempo, techniques are not strong. Most importantly, the humbleness and the "I-can-do-it" mentality is not present in my section mates. Some are ignorant of their own mistakes, some lack the confidence. As an alumni, I wonder why am I worrying so much for the band since I have already graduated long ago and these maters are not in my hands to control. Why do I seem to stress over the competition more than the current students in the band? Sigh....I'm praying hard things will turn better in the coming weeks or else we will fail. Should I even bother to practice hard for this since the others don't seem to care?

Situation at the office frustrates me these few days.... :(

20 June 2008 12:52am

Bad Friday Morning

Friday the 13th.......yes, the day didn't start off that well.
My boss has to attend a medical and dental appointment and instructed me to attend the meeting that morning. It went ok until my GM asked me about this particular material which he wanted to be out on 1 June and we were already late. The last I recalled was that the layout was already done except for two pictures that needed to be replaced and its ready to go once the other relevant dept confirms the information. I told my GM I will check and get back to him. When the meeting ended, my colleague told me the revised layout was circulated on Wed (I was on MC that day so I wasn't around). I called my other colleague where the material is sent to and learnt that it is still with them! No wonder my GM didn't see it! And that nasty director said nothing at all when my GM asked at the meeting as the material is circulated to him first for approval. Damn bad....
My boss came back in the afternoon and my GM had a short meeting with her. Apparently he is not happy that my dept did not give support for a promotion that was organised by that nasty director's dept. There wasn't very much marketing support that we can do simply because the promotion was confirmed very late...on Tuesday! Can you believe having a promotion on Friday and details with the external partner was only confirmed three days before? We managed to provide the internal collaterals (posters and stuff..) despite the rush. Anyway, my dept will now work as fast as we can to avoid such situations but this will only happen if they can confirm details early.

Band practice that night started with brass sectional on el camino real and then we had full band rehearsal. Yx took us and after the practice ended, he commented that we still don't know the piece and this is crucial for the competition. A bit demoralising...I stayed back to practice my part and yx sat beside me. Stress.... I told him how I tried the methods he taught me and hm during the preparation for the last competition and it was so difficult and tiring. We laughed it off as I realised I need intensive practice for my solo. He gave me a few pointers which I found it helpful. One month to go till competition.....

I met up with my sec sch girlfriends to celebrate shir's birthday. Had dinner at cineleisure and then bowling. It was a simple celebration. We started talking about birthday wishes and one of my girlfriends said she hopes to settle down with her boyfriend soon. She brought up the topic to her boyfriend but her boyfriend didn't seem to make any indication that he wants to marry her although he also wants to settle down. She feels it sounded bad this way that she is the one who brought up the "settle down" topic first. I agree with her 'cos it is not a good idea for the girl to make the first move when it comes to the marrying question. I started to think about myself. I mean will I ever get to settle down with my life partner? My previous relationship was a failure and I thought I found the one. And after all these months. I think I have become numb? Its like I don't know if I should keep on trying or just give up trying to be happy? Maybe happiness will come to me when I stop searching for it? I guess the process of finding love has wore me out. Should I stop trying and enjoy my singlehood first? My married colleagues advised me so.

We left the bowling alley quite late. Actually I didn't play as I was tired but I enjoyed watching my girls play.

Another birthday celebration...another year goes by.....

15 June 2008 7:34pm

A Walking Agony

My knees are in excruciating pain now. I went for Passion Run this morning at East Coast, running the 10km with my friends. Woke up really early and met pat at ang mo kio with yh for a ride. It started out ok but the pain came just after 3km and I bear the pain till almost the end , at the 9km mark and I walked as it was unbearable....I wonder if I can walk tomorrow....

Friday's practice was not bad as Tim took us for el camino real and a few other pieces. Josh didn't have to do a lot of conducting that night. There was this irritating sound coming from my instrument whenever I hit the high notes. Spent some time after practice to clean it but the metallic sound is still there....arrgh....

Watched Sex and the City with shA after practice. It was quite nice and several parts hit a note with me. Like how Big never wrote any love letters to carrie before. When he was trying to reach her at the end, he emailed her love letters from a book (Love Letters from Great Men) and in the end when he wrote one, its was just a sentence. Reminded me of the only love letter I got from an ex who is never good at writing love letters and is not the sort to send one. But during the period when I was away on a trip, he missed me and emailed me a love letter. It was sweet and sincere. This is one of those happy memories that people will keep in their heart and smile when they thought of it, even if the person is not around anymore. The friendship and support between carrie, charlotte, miranda and samantha are like what I have from from my friends who got me to where I am today and I'm grateful for it. Relationships are difficult, no matter how much you love each other. But I'm not discouraged. I am looking forward : )

My boss has not been helpful these days. She doesn't seem to do much work at all since she pushes everything to us. On Friday, I sent out an email to my vendor on the editing required for a newsletter. When she saw the email, she came out and start talking on some additional information that she wants in the newsletter which I did not receive from the relevant dept. My boss has this bad habit of telling us verbally the things she wants without much details or with no clear direction and then expects us to understand it and do it and feels that she has fufilled her responsibility of informing us. I really hate it. I was checking furiously through my inbox clearing the tons of emails that she sent as she stood there blabbering about the things she wants in the newsletter. Feeling extremely fed-up, I just shot back at her without looking up that I need these information in written form as I won't be able to remember everything she said. Think she sensed that I was irritated with her and told me to refer to the past press releases. She always tell us to refer to last year's archive and "do as per last year or previously". One of her favourite phrases....

Another long week ahead....I need a break..
8 June 2008 7:43pm

Inspired?

Tim Reynish came to conduct us today or supposedly to conduct us. Instead it was josh who was conducting us and he stood beside him giving pointers and advice to the band on how we should play. At first I was wondering why he didn't want to conduct us and thought he was being snobbish but later I heard that this is his style. Yx said he is encouraging but I am wondering if he was patronizing? He kept saying we played well but I felt otherwise. Anyway, it was a different experience.......hope friday's practice will be better. After all he is a famous conductor. I was so nervous while playing el camino real, not sure if its due to the presence of a famous conductor or that yx was sitting behind me....stress " ' ,

Another sucky day at work and another photoshoot today....which went overtime.....arrghh...sometimes it is so frustrating to work in this place that I really give up trying...

Took the train home with ph. I was glad she came today and will be playing with us for the competition. Yeah....someone from my batch...haha...and der and hopefully yx......so nice if the four of us are playing together :)

I must not crack under pressure...

4 June 2008 12:24pm

Am I too involved?

Its been a pretty standard week. Work and rehearsals on tueday and friday. Went running on monday and wednesday. Had to work late on thurday and the week just went by like that....

I took the morning off on friday and came back slightly past noon time. The day before, my boss told me to help j with all her circulations when I come back. Which means the entire dept has to to stop work and help j to photocopy the publicity clippings and file the clippings into another file before circulating to all the depts. I couldn't do my work. Its her fault for not looking through the files earlier and caused the long delay. Yet she told us the circulation is long overdue and we must quickly send it out. She just doesn't realise her fault for not approving the files earlier (since Oct last year...the publicity files were ready on time every month for her to check and approve but she kept procrastinating and gave excuses that she is very busy). Oh well, that's the way she is, always in denial and never sees her own flaws.

I was late for practice as I got held up in the office (my boss called me back just as I stepped out of the office to program some things on the computer for a recording. She just forwarded an email to us, expecting us to remember the date and time to record the program but with the hundreds of emails she sends us, I feel that its only right that she help to remind us about it and not take it for granted that we will do it. There are too many things to do for her. sigh....No leadership and emphasis on teamwork from her).

Josh took full band practice today as my conductor went overseas. Tim Reynish, a well-known conductor, will be coming next week to conduct us for two rehearsals! So looking forward to it. So Josh went through John Williams march and told us to play as accurately as possible as Tim doesn't work on technical stuff. During practice, MS asked whether I recorded all original music scores that the band bought when I was managing the library during my exco. I did that and was surprised to learn that they have not been updating the file ever since I handed over the library. When it got to MS, it was already a mess. I was disappointed that the previous excos didn't manage the library properly. Sigh...my hard work went down the drain....Anway, I told MS if she needed help with the library, I will help her. Also reminded ed the importance of managing the library.

After practice, we went for tau huay and I thought we will be heading home after that. But the rest wanted to do something and we ended up at Cathay. I was contemplating whether to go home (actually, the last train already left..) as I was tired. Before I knew it, they already bought tickets for Indiana Jones. The movie is not bad but doesn't seem to have any meaning to it. The main theme sounded great and we wish we will sound like that for the competition....haha..... I was yawning the whole time during the movie but I managed to stay awake.

Yesterday was another movie day with yh, 3sa and yx. We watched Prince Caspian and I like it!The ending was sad as the fpur Pevensie children left Narnia, not knowing when they will return and for some of them, not returning at all. The part where Peter lead the Narnians to attack Miraz's castle showed us the importance of not being selfish. Being high king, he feels that it is his duty to protect the Narnians and he is the only one who should do it and he did it for himself only, without a thought for everyone. He got big-headed. In the end, they lost the fight and many of their fellow people's lives. Sometimes when we are in a favourable position, it gets into our head and we lose sight of what is really in front of us and what are the things that we should do. We should never do it just for ourselves but for everyone and for the team. Never look good just for yourself.

yh and I met ed after the movie to collect out number tags and time chip for next week's Passion Run. We bumped into kel and ron at Novena Square and catched up with them for a while. Been a long time since I saw kel. AI is still going on but member strength is falling. Lots of fun memories when I played with them last time but many of us have left. I only have time for symphonia now. A few of them like Kel are still holding up the band. We wanted to have dinner but only ate a bit. yh, ed and I talked about symphonia (think we bored yh.....sorry gal!). Think ed is getting stress over sym. Hope things will work for you and your exco. Its never easy to manage a band. Then I met B after that for a drink and we chatted till coffee bean closed. Its fun to talk to him. He is someone who enjoys first and deal with the consequences later. Can learn a few life lessons from this guy...haha..: )

Leave you a song "The Call" by Regina Spektor, very meaningful....(ost: The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian)

1 June 2008 8:54pm