hi again...

Over 3 months have past since I left my ex-company. Felt like such a long time. My new job is better in the sense that I have a sense of satisfaction in my work and I have never felt like this for a long time. Still remember my last day of work at that place. I was rushing through that entire day on preparation for an event which I wouldn't be present. I didn't have time to say my goodbyes but there was one goodbye I will never forget. A short conversation promising to catch up, jap movies and a hug that I never expected but will always remember.

9.55pm

A Standing Ovation

So what was memorable about the sydney trip?
Well, its the first international competition for sym. Going to Sydney for the second time brought back sweet memories of my first trip there with SP band where we also took part in the same competition back in year 2000.

There were lots of uncertainties and doubts before the trip. Not too sure how we will perform. But all these were answered during the week-long festival. I think everyone was just happy to be there, whether or not its for the competition or the fun of sight-seeing in sydney. We have to be reminded by our conductor contantly that we were there for the music. That after all, sym's name, the school's name and his name are at stake.

Sometimes I'm amazed how easy this band can psych up to an imminent competition. That just half an hour before competition we can all still take photos and be cam whores and the next moment, keep the cameras and focus on the playing. Amazing......

There were other bands who were wondering who we are, like this american band who was not chosen by the adjudicators for the command performance. The few occassions where we saw them, they would look at us with curious or wary stares. Heard from my other symphonians that they sounded disappointed for not being chosen by the judges to perform at the closing festival performance. We won gold and were the adjudicator's choice. For our final performance on the closing night at Sydney Opera House, we did well and received a rousing standing ovation. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears as I saw the audience stood up and applaused with cheers. Gave me goosebumps. A gentleman congratulated us as we made our way to the audience seats later to watch the rest of the concert. He said we were very good.

As the music festival took up most of our time, there were many things that I didn't get to do but there were a few places that I was glad to have visited. Watson's Bay, whom I went there with win and gang, was really beautiful. We had a simple picnic on the ever-so-green grass at the park and then we walked up the cliffs on Sydney Habour National Park, where we were stunned by the scenic sea view and there was this view of the blue waves crashing over the rocks which we looked over a cliff. It was so mesmerising that I was just drawn into it. The scene is locked into my mind that it feels calm and peaceful just remembering it.

One of the days was a free day for us. I went to the direct factory outlet with one of the groups and was happy with my purchases. The fun part was getting there as we took the train, which is very different from our MRT trains with their lower and upper deck. As we boarded the train, there was a man, dressed in rags like a street begger, seating near the entrance and he looked at us angrily. Then we realised we have to keep our volume down so as not to disturb other passengers who want to rest on their long journey.

After the shopping, tim and I headed to Circular Quay to meet up with yx to do the bridge climb at the South East Pylon, which is one of the towers right next to the Sydney Harbour Bridge. The view was fantastic at the top of the tower. We soaked in the captivating view of the city and the opera house, the highway, the skyscrapers, the bridge.Too bad we could only see half of the sunset as our view was blocked by the opposite tower. yx helped me take some really nice pictures of the scenery. Spent a lot of time with yx in this trip and I must say he is a great companion for a trip. He knows how to organise and can be fun to joke and bitch around with. I think we kind of look out for each other on the trip.

On our final day, we were suppose to perform at Darling Harbour in the morning but it was cancelled due to the rainy weather. A blessing in disguise as we could save our energy for the closing performance at the opera house that night. yx, josh, ser and I had a satisfying lunch at pancakes on the rocks. The beef ribs was so good and its something that we seldom have over here. The pancakes were a league on its own. So yummy and so delicious that I kept joking the amount of sugar rush we have from the pancakes will enable us to reach all our high notes that night. We kept laughing about it. Well that night during the performance, I did manage to play most of my high notes. Besides the pancakes, the next most delicious food I had in Sydney was this small japanese eatery where their jap food was so good that you have a comfy and wholesome feeling as you tuck into their meals. I finish one whole bowl of beef udon on my own.

After lunch at pancakes on the rocks, we strolled over to Queen Victoria Building to do a little shopping and somehow the group got broken up and left me and ah lu walking around to do last minute shopping. However, we couldn't find what we wanted so we decided to head back to hotel to rest a bit for the night's performance. On the way back, I spotted Sydney Town Hall and remembered in my first trip to Sydney for the same festival, me and my SP band friends went to this town hall to watch a performance and I remember taking photos at the steps of the building. Ah lu and I took some shots ourselves. Nostalgia.

I think the lowest point of the whole trip was the discussion session with the exco. Ed, josh, yx and I decided to talk to the exco after knowing our results and it was the night before the commands performance. It was a long session. Hearing from the exco that they think of us seniors as always criticizing and making snide remarks about them was hurtful. A lot of issues were thrown out during the session and I hope the exco will walk away reflecting on their actions and how to do better. And we want them to know that their hard work have always been acknowledged.

Maybe its the stress of organizing the trip that might have caused the gap but I miss hanging out with psy and mel. Didn't get to talk to them much before and during the trip except for fun phototakings but I really hope the discussion won't change anything.

Another achievement added to Sym's string of accolades and I hope to see the members grow stronger as a whole. All in all, it has been a memorable trip.

19 July 2009 7:01pm

He asked how I am today amid the rush of work

Lots of things happened in the past month. My bosses threw me a bomb when they told me that they would like me to go over to a new business unit. I didn't have much choice. Although I didn't like it, I just went along with it. I only know that I will miss my colleagues here.

At band, things were wobbly. Only finally decided last week that the band will go for the competition in Sydney despite the HINI flu pandemic. Precautions need to be taken. I was just really disappointed at how the exco handled the situtation. Our playing is still not up to par. Team spirit and morale is down. Everyone is just not motivated. I am just so worried how the outcome of the competition will affect the members. I am also worried with my parts, still couldn't reach my high As and Bs. This time next week, we will be facing our challenge...I'm praying....

One of my close colleague just resigned. She came by last week to see us at our event and we caught up on recent happenings. As usual, we were talking about work, gossiping and bitching....All these while we were saying how this place has changed us, how it made us see the bad side and good side of us. And then there was the topic on relationship. My colleague was saying relationships are fragile. For someone who thought they have found their life partner, things can change down the road and things will break up. So there is always a possibility that a person who is attached can change their mind about their partner and fall for someone else. I was thinking whether is it ok to fall for someone who is attached and let that person know? I am not a relationship breaker. I am not that type of girl who purposely snatches someone's else boyfriend. I believe that out there, there is a person whom you are meant to be with your whole life. Your soul mate. Even if at that point of time when you meet him or her, they are with someone else. But the future is unknown. You might never know that person might be meant for you. What is meant to be, will be.... I just don't want to regret later in life and ponder what if I have told him?

Last thur's event is probably my last event. But it was fun for one part.

I tendered my resignation last week and I know I made the right choice. I know my boss will never give me a permanent position. She just doesn't appreciate me. Still lots of work to do in the weeks ahead. Having jitters about the trip.

I should have paused and talked to him when he was asking about me today....

30 Jun 2009, 11.31pm

first death

I had my first encounter with death this weekend. My pet dog of 13 years passed on. During his last hours, even though he was weak, he still tried to stand up and walk, probably to show us he is here one last time and also to be close to my mum. I remember the look in his eyes as he struggled before I left house. He knew I was there. I was checking on him to see if he needed water but I really didn't know what to do. Only when I was out that my brother told me he is not doing well. He took my dog back to a hospital and we got news this morning that he has passed away. In a way it was some relief as I did not want to see him suffer. It was really painful and I couldn't face it. I didn't accompany them to collect his body because I really couldn't take it. I went to the gym instead. Really sad but I am glad he is not suffering and is not in pain anymore.

I realised that maybe I am not strong enough to face such adversity. Age did not give me enough strength and wisdom. Win, my symphonia friend, who is years younger than me actually consoled me, told me that I should be glad he lived such a long life. Sean smsed me a hug and sy sms me 5.30 in the morning to tell me to cheer up. These little gestures meant so much to me when I was feeling down. Thanks guys...

24 May 2009, 9.47pm